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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to leave newborn in room with toddler?

84 replies

newmumagainn · 31/03/2020 19:53

Today 2 week old pooped, I had run out of nappies downstairs so needed to go upstairs to get one.

2yo DS was sitting watching Peppa next to me. I gave him a tiny square of chocolate and then sprinted up the stairs and back down- whole thing taking less than 20 seconds.

DS was calm and quiet and engrossed in Peppa, baby was opposite side of room fast asleep in Moses basket on a stand.

DH has just said to me 'I want to mention something I saw you do earlier- then relays me going upstairs without the baby- it was irresponsible and stupid and I never want to see it again. I would never ever ever leave DS1 in a room with DS2'

I explained it's not something I make a habit of, I judged the situation, DS1 was calm and happy on the sofa, it doesn't require a telling off from my DH.

He kept saying it's stupid and irresponsible and I'm being defensive because I know it's wrong of me.

I told him sometimes I dare nip into the kitchen to take DS1s lunch out of the oven, or use the downstairs Loo whilst poking my head out of the door to watch the kids. Again he tells me I'm irresponsible and stupid.

I am exhausted and trying so hard to keep on top of everything- house work, breast feeding, keeping DS1 entertained with activities and games throughout the day. WIBU?

OP posts:
SelfIsolationMeansMorePeppa · 31/03/2020 20:08

I probably wouldn't leave them together but I know if I had a newborn my dd 2 would probably be trying to feed them the chocolate or something! But if he was close enough to notice then its not like you totally left them unattended?

2toe · 31/03/2020 20:08

If your DH witnessed it then he was there and capable of keeping an eye on both children, the way he spoke to you on the matter was unacceptable.
I will say I had a travel cot set up in the living room when mine were small, if I needed to do anything my toddler went in it with a few toys while the baby sat in the bouncer, kept everyone safe.

DonnatellaLyman · 31/03/2020 20:09

I had no idea this wasn’t ok? Do it all the time if in crib or bouncy chair - don’t leave on playmat as I think accidental treading is a risk...

Ginfordinner · 31/03/2020 20:10

How dare he talk to you like that.
And if he was in the house why couldn't he get the nappy for you or watch the children? They are his children as well.

BrooHaHa · 31/03/2020 20:10

Could you not have shouted something along the lines of, 'DH, could you just pass me a nappy for the baby, please?'

Or, if he makes a habit of speaking to you like you're five, 'Oi, you sanctimonious prick, could you get off your high horse and pass me a nappy?'

Wearywithteens · 31/03/2020 20:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Mamato2gorgeousboys · 31/03/2020 20:12

Your husband needs to speak to you as his equal and not tell you off. Tell him he’s not at work and you’re not one of his staff members.

I think it totally depends on your toddler and so only you can judge if it’s okay. It sounds like you assessed the situation and made a call. It’s just not realistic for you to not he able to leave the room all day.

For the first couple of months ds1 barely acknowledged ds2 so I could leave them without any issues. At around 2 months a bit of jealousy appeared so I didn’t leave him alone with the baby. I tended to take the toddler with me by saying I needed his help. A few weeks later, all was fine again and i could leave ds2 in his swing or on the mat. I know my child and to this day, I would trust ds1 with ds2 over any other child, no matter how old.

Loofar · 31/03/2020 20:14

He was watching them.

Ginger1982 · 31/03/2020 20:14

"it was irresponsible and stupid and I never want to see it again."

Tell him to get to fuck. Is that how he always speaks to you?

user1493413286 · 31/03/2020 20:15

I’ve got a 4 week old and 2 year old and I do that for those lengths of time; I don’t leave them for the length of time it takes me to get a bottle but to grab something I do and if my 2 year old didn’t follow me to the loo then I would as long as the baby wasn’t on it’s playmat

TheGirlWithAPrince · 31/03/2020 20:15

I have a 20 month old and a 9 month old.. i often left them together whilst grabbing bits although i would most of the time put her in her swing for added safety but still i wouldnt think about taking her with me to grab a nappy from another room -_-

MeridianB · 31/03/2020 20:16

You’re doing the feeding, childcare and housework. What’s he doing to help and support you?

He is being a twit.

Be kind to yourself, OP. Flowers

Redwinestillfine · 31/03/2020 20:16

'Sorry darling, next time I'll be sure to ask you to fetch the nappies'

Dipi79 · 31/03/2020 20:18

Please tell him to take his supercilious attitude and shove it up his arse.

Fatted · 31/03/2020 20:18

If he was able to see it, why didn't he offer to get a nappy or why didn't you ask him to get you one?!

I had a two year age gap. I can't remember when I first left them alone together, it was after a few weeks I think when I started popping out of room. I remember once DS1 building a tower of toys on DS2!

But DH is an idiot. If he's close enough to judge, he's close enough to jump in and assist!

LucyMaxwell22 · 31/03/2020 20:18

I used to leave my two and a half year old DD with my newborn all the time. It wouldn’t occur to me not to.

Khione · 31/03/2020 20:21

Tomorrow, shout him to come down and mind the kids whilst you fetch a nappy.
Same again 10 mins later do the same because you need a wee,
Older one then needs a clean t shirt so call him down again.

Keep it up all day under one pretext or another - I'm sure you can manage something every half hour.

BigFatLiar · 31/03/2020 20:22

He was watching them.

No he wasn't, he was upstairs and saw OP as she went for the nappy. Could have simply called up to him and asked for a nappy. Leaving babies and children on their own is always a risk. Home is actually a dangerous place but putting them at risk is often part of life as you can't be with them every second of the day.

It wasn't a nice way to talk to her but I've seen lots of occasions on MN where women have been highly critical of their partners over minor breeches of what they consider safe.

MerryDeath · 31/03/2020 20:23

i think it depends on your toddler. my DS is 3 and christ i don't ever leave him alone with the baby. we call it 'scary love', he's always in his face, touching him, pulls his legs, repeated kisses, gives him toys aka balances them on his tummy or face Shock ah he means well but fucking hell it puts the shits up me, he will come strolling over with a pillow "mummy, wants a cushion i'll make him all cosy "Confused

Original poster
newmumagainn · 31/03/2020 20:23

Khione Grin great idea.

I'm also going to ask for his help after every feed tonight- I haven't woken him once since baby was born but tonight I'll do the feeding and he can do the burping and putting him back down, I think.

OP posts:
Smarshian · 31/03/2020 20:24

I did this all the time in a similar situation. 17 month old and newborn. They are now 3.3 and almost 2. No harm done at any point.

CodenameVillanelle · 31/03/2020 20:25

I wouldn't have left them no. But if you had a husband in the next room you should have asked him to come and watch them, or fetch the nappy. Don't let him abdicate his responsibility to help look after the kids AND have the gall to give you criticism on how you're managing. The cheek!

Ellie56 · 31/03/2020 20:26

it was irresponsible and stupid and I never want to see it again

Who the hell does he think he is? Your dad? Your teacher? Hmm

I'd be saying, "I never want to hear you speak to me like that again."

He is prize twat. Does he often speak to you like this?

Onceateacher · 31/03/2020 20:26

Tell him that's good to know, from now on any time you need to go to the loo or use the oven or collect something from upstairs you will let him know, he can come out of his study and assist.

MARMITEcheese2020 · 31/03/2020 20:26

I have to when ds at work. Our loo is upstairs, if I took baby, Toddler creates
If I took toddler she empties the contents of anything she can find.
She's pretty good though if he's asleep if awake she tries to play with him he's 10w so she's a bit heavy handed

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