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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to leave newborn in room with toddler?

84 replies

newmumagainn · 31/03/2020 19:53

Today 2 week old pooped, I had run out of nappies downstairs so needed to go upstairs to get one.

2yo DS was sitting watching Peppa next to me. I gave him a tiny square of chocolate and then sprinted up the stairs and back down- whole thing taking less than 20 seconds.

DS was calm and quiet and engrossed in Peppa, baby was opposite side of room fast asleep in Moses basket on a stand.

DH has just said to me 'I want to mention something I saw you do earlier- then relays me going upstairs without the baby- it was irresponsible and stupid and I never want to see it again. I would never ever ever leave DS1 in a room with DS2'

I explained it's not something I make a habit of, I judged the situation, DS1 was calm and happy on the sofa, it doesn't require a telling off from my DH.

He kept saying it's stupid and irresponsible and I'm being defensive because I know it's wrong of me.

I told him sometimes I dare nip into the kitchen to take DS1s lunch out of the oven, or use the downstairs Loo whilst poking my head out of the door to watch the kids. Again he tells me I'm irresponsible and stupid.

I am exhausted and trying so hard to keep on top of everything- house work, breast feeding, keeping DS1 entertained with activities and games throughout the day. WIBU?

OP posts:
OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe · 31/03/2020 20:26

Does he usually speak to you like that?
The way you’ve written that gave me the chills.

CottonSock · 31/03/2020 20:28

My dd2 was 3 when her sister was born. I wouldn't have even thought twice about this. Massive over reaction

OutComeTheWolves · 31/03/2020 20:29

I wouldn't have thought twice about doing this. Huge overreaction on his part imo.

FinallyHere · 31/03/2020 20:31

'Sorry darling, next time I'll be sure to ask you to fetch the nappies'

This ^ wot @redwinestillfine said

Sonichu · 31/03/2020 20:32

"I want to mention something I saw you do earlier- then relays me going upstairs without the baby- it was irresponsible and stupid and I never want to see it again."

Is he your husband or your manager?

crispysausagerolls · 31/03/2020 20:32

I wouldn’t leave a toddler and a baby together and if DH did this I would probably discuss with him in a similar way. But he has 0 sense of safety with children and will let DS play by a shop door next to a busy road whilst he is a few metres away because he can’t fathom someone could open the door and DS could run out into the road.

Spied · 31/03/2020 20:33

I wouldn't be spoken to like that.

I had a toddler and a newborn.
Trying to remember but I don't think I left them alone to run upstairs even for 20sec. ( not that toddler would let me out of sight if I had tried)

BigChocFrenzy · 31/03/2020 20:35

""...it was irresponsible and stupid and I never want to see it again."

Controlling arsehole Angry

OK, call him down every time the baby or toddler need watching
He obviously has too much time on his hands

BigChocFrenzy · 31/03/2020 20:37

He could quietly discuss it with you and say it worries him - and can he help -
but he should not have talked down to you like the CEO to a junior employee

NamechangeOnceMore · 31/03/2020 20:38

I don't think I'd leave a toddler alone with a newborn. Even if there's no malice, there is so much scope for a careless accident.

But your husband should have raised his concerns politely. The way he spoke to you was very rude.

Cremebrule · 31/03/2020 20:39

Your DH was an arse and could have just helped but I don’t think he’s wrong. While I can now leave my 12m old with the older one while I pop to the kitchen, I still have to be careful as she can be a bit too rough and doesn’t really get that she’s much stronger. When the baby was born, mine was 2y9m. She’s never been jealous and has always adored her sister but she’s wanted to be a second mummy and that has the potential to be just as dangerous.

Summertime2 · 31/03/2020 20:39

Husband is a twat.

Roweeeeena · 31/03/2020 20:40

That would be the first and very last time anyone spoke down to me like that. How humiliating.
Ywnbu.

firstimemamma · 31/03/2020 20:40

He's being ridiculous. You judged the situation using your motherly instincts. I'd have done the same in your shoes.

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 31/03/2020 20:42

What an idiot. Mine have the most lovely bond which they wouldn’t have if I treated the older one as if they were some sort of ticking time bomb Confused

Leaving them content to dash upstairs is very normal.

HairNoMore · 31/03/2020 20:43

Honestly? I wouldn’t risk it. DS1 was lovely with DS2, always very calm and gentle with him. I once dashed out of the room in similar circs as you, leaving the toddler watching the TV and the baby in the bouncer. I get back, and the baby is on the sofa...when I ask DS1 how he got there, he demonstrates picking him up by his neck 😩

Seriously, it just isn’t sensible. I’ve had 4 kids in total, and still never risked it again. Your DH’s tone with you is a bit off, but I didn’t disagree with the sentiment.

mypoorfurbaby · 31/03/2020 20:43

Did he really say that to you?
This is what would fuck me off.
We can all imagine the tone as well.

Then deflecting by saying you are annoyed because you know you were wrong when actually it's because he's being condescending.

This ranks up there with 'are you due on?'

No female jury would find you guilty if you offer him for this op!

Seriously though I think a calm rational conversation about how he communicates concerns with you.

BananaPlant · 31/03/2020 20:43

Does he normally speak to you like that?

How dare he talk to you like a child.

Windyatthebeach · 31/03/2020 20:45

Friend hung out a load of new baby washing.
New baby was crying.
New baby's db aged 4 carried him out to their dm....
No way would I leave a baby with an under 7 I think.
Biggest gap here is 6 years and were never left alone.

crispysausagerolls · 31/03/2020 20:46

@HairNoMore

Exactly why I wouldn’t do it! Scary stuff. Thanks for sharing

FourTeaFallOut · 31/03/2020 20:47

Is 'toddler' code for pitbull?

Herpesfreesince03 · 31/03/2020 20:52

I learnt the hard way not to take chances. I left my (usually sensible) two year old with a baby while I went and washed up. I heard the baby coughing and went in to find her choking on a cracker the 2 year old tried to feed to her.
A good friend of mine had it far worse. She was also washing up in the kitchen and left her toddler with the baby. She heard the baby scream so ran into the living room, the toddler was stood by the baby holding a toy and looked slightly guilty but she couldn’t work out what happened. Later on the baby developed a strange, soft lump on his head. Two days later it was still there so she took him to a and e. Turned out he had a fractured skull. She couldn’t say for definite how it had happened, so ss were notified and she had all her 5 children taken from her. She got them back pretty quickly, but the only thing we can think might have happened is that the toddler clonked the baby on the head with the toy

Gobbycop · 31/03/2020 20:54

"I never want to see it again"

Does he often talk to you like you're a child?

Tell him to get fucked.

PepePig · 31/03/2020 20:54

YANBU. He sounds like a knob and spoke to you awfully. If he can do it so much better himself, tell him to take the week off next week, you'll leave him to it and point out every mistake he makes. Of which there will be plenty.

You're doing a good job, don't let him get you down.

OlaEliza · 31/03/2020 20:57

What did he say when you told him not to speak to you like that?

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