AIBU to leave newborn in room with toddler?

[newmumagainn]

Today 2 week old pooped, I had run out of nappies downstairs so needed to go upstairs to get one.

2yo DS was sitting watching Peppa next to me. I gave him a tiny square of chocolate and then sprinted up the stairs and back down- whole thing taking less than 20 seconds.

DS was calm and quiet and engrossed in Peppa, baby was opposite side of room fast asleep in Moses basket on a stand.

DH has just said to me 'I want to mention something I saw you do earlier- then relays me going upstairs without the baby- it was irresponsible and stupid and I never want to see it again. I would never ever ever leave DS1 in a room with DS2'

I explained it's not something I make a habit of, I judged the situation, DS1 was calm and happy on the sofa, it doesn't require a telling off from my DH.

He kept saying it's stupid and irresponsible and I'm being defensive because I know it's wrong of me.

I told him sometimes I dare nip into the kitchen to take DS1s lunch out of the oven, or use the downstairs Loo whilst poking my head out of the door to watch the kids. Again he tells me I'm irresponsible and stupid.

I am exhausted and trying so hard to keep on top of everything- house work, breast feeding, keeping DS1 entertained with activities and games throughout the day. WIBU?

Also, there's a big difference between 15 seconds upstairs grabbing a nappy and doing the washing up/hanging out washing. Both those jobs take me at least 5-10 minutes. I really don't think a quick scoot upstairs warrants that sort of a telling off

The way he spoke to you was not on, and if he was so close then he was watching the bloody kids, tbh.

I would have done it, although mine were a bit further apart in age. I left DS1 (3y3m) watching newborn DS2 on the floor a few times while I very briefly ran to fetch something. It went fine, in fact DS1 used to very gently pet him and tell him how cute he was. But I knew he was sensible and would listen to me.

Well yeah, but a baby can be clonked on the head with a toy within a 15 second time frame. It's one of those things where you'll get away with it 99 times out of 100, but you'll really regret it if your toddler has a weird moment and hits your baby with something hard.

Still no excuse for the way OP's DH spoke to her though.

Your arse of a dh thinks he is your manager, he would be removing those nappies from his hole if he spoke to me like that. You judged the situation and acted as you thought best. I would have done the same. If your dh or any of the pp would do things differently, good for them.

Is he your boss or something-if he was conerned he can talk to you like an adult not one of his minions

Study is at top of stairs so he saw me when I was running up the stairs and back down.

So next time yell “DH go grab me a nappy” or “DH watch kids whilst I grab a nappy”
You know being as, according to him, the alternative “was irresponsible and stupid and I never want to see it again. I would never ever ever leave DS1 in a room with DS2'”

DH is an arse. Make sure you absolutely disturb him in his home office every time any small task would involve you leaving either child, awake or sleeping, alone ever again. Eg any time you want to pee, make a brew, make their bottle/food, answer the door, answer the phone, pee, prepare a meal, eat your lunch.......

I agree with dh unfortunately. I always separated mine before leaving them even just for short time. All takes is toddler run over and shove a teddy in cot or pull blanket up or pull basket over

I think YABU toddlers are unpredictable. Also my assessment is always based on worst case scenarios, what if I run upstairs, trip and knock myself out or get hurt. It’s unlikely to happen of course but if it does happen, is the baby in the safest place he can be in? If the answer is no, then not risking it. Especially at 2 weeks old, he is so fragile, any hit to the head or trauma could be absolutely lethal to your little one.

Toddlers aren’t like pitbulls but they are kids and are unpredictable, you are obviously very new to having 2 kids so you might not be used to toddler/baby interactions but you will soon notice that sometimes, out of love, toddlers do very strange things aka throw a pile of toys on top of baby, shove food down their mouths when you aren’t watching, put pillows and blankets on top of them to keep them warm, hug them so tight they turn blue, or try to carry them somewhere else by whichever body part they can grab.

It takes 2 seconds for toddler to throw a pillow/ toy into the basket and hurt your little one. And it might seem a low risk if it seems like a 10 seconds jog upstairs but again, if something happens that means you take longer than initially planned it could end up turning fatale.

Considering dad was home, and changing a nappy wasn’t an emergency I would have called out to him (or texted him) and ask him to bring one down as soon as he could and if I couldn’t wait I would have taken baby with me.

You are doing your best and I do think your husband was very rude in his delivery but I also think he has a point re-safety of baby.

i agree with Linning above.
also i think your husband should be doing more child care.
he seems to be treating you like a paid nanny.
parenthood is a partnership, a shared responsibility.