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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to ask how many people are WFH with no childcare right now?

219 replies

michaelbaubles · 31/03/2020 11:31

Seen a few comments on other threads at people incredulous that anyone was having to work from home with no childcare, and I thought surely a huge amount of people are?

Check in here - I'm teaching, full time from home (basically working 8.30-4 on and off, no live lessons but setting and marking work, chasing up students and responding to messages and emails all day), and I have 2 DC, 6 and 8 here too.

DP is here but he is also working from home (freelancer, has to keep hustling and chasing up funding to get any money at all).

OK I wouldn't normally be working like this but some posters are acting like it's literally impossible - it isn't - it's hard but we have to do what we can.

OP posts:
FirmlyRooted · 31/03/2020 22:56

Me too. Working full time with a 5 and 7 year old at home. Really, really challenging.

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 31/03/2020 22:58

Yes. As a freelancer I've been doing this since they were born (9 and 6 now) - so they're pretty good at entertaining themselves/getting on with homework, and I just have to remember to knock off at 5pm on the dot and spend dedicated time with them, otherwise I get to the end of the day and realise I've spent barely any time with them.

SomethingPhishy · 31/03/2020 22:59

I have 9yo DS, my DP works 12 hour shifts (4 on, 4 off - key worker) & I do 2 x 8 hour days. Working from home for the first time in my life with a 4 hour phone shift each week. Due to dodgy internet, DS can't go online when I'm working. So I set him some worksheets in the morning & he does those then can play Lego, watch tv or play on an old (I call it retro) games console which doesnt connect to the internet. I feel lucky DS is old enough to be left to it but am finding wfh difficult without colleagues sat next to me for support - I'm 3 months in to a new role which was a big step up from my previous job. Not perfect but doing my best as we all are.

Darbs76 · 31/03/2020 22:59

Yes full time working at home, busy as ever particularly sorting out moving staff around as difficult for many with young children. My children are 12 and 15 so it’s easier for me

Dylaninthemovies1 · 31/03/2020 23:00

We are. Thankfully there’s 2 of us and we are doing it in shifts

SarahAndQuack · 31/03/2020 23:02

Yes, no childcare. DP is a key worker but I'm not.

Luckily I only have one and she's a toddler. I think the hard thing isn't working from home with children, it's trying to home-school at the same time.

NickMarlow · 31/03/2020 23:03

We're both key workers but can work from home. I work part time and have a very understanding boss. Dh does not. We have a 5 year old and an 20 month toddler. So I'm doing more with the children so he can do something approaching a full day. We can both work during the toddlers nap time, he covers me so I can work for a bit at some point each day, and I'm doing a bit in the evenings. Its doable but not easy.

calmama · 31/03/2020 23:16

There are a lot of people on MN though who just generally seem to find life a bit... hard, and insist it is impossible to do things that are actually just not desirable.

“I have 10mo and 3.5yo. It wouldn't be safe to try to work without supervising them properly.”

It's this kind of comment that is a bit annoying, because it's judgemental - other people are putting their DC at risk by doing what they have to.

Nope, definitely on the right thread. It’s posters like the above who simply don’t get it. It’s not about things not being “desirable” and people finding life a “bit... hard”. How patronising.

Even more patronising is the next post having a go at someone because they can’t leave their two kids unsupervised enough to work. My brother can’t leave his two young kids for literally a minute because the elder one has autism and beats the shit out of the little one.

He/she later goes on to talk about those who have only have one kid, completely missing the point that - once again - sometimes one kid is more work than two or three.

So yeah, I guess it’s not technically impossible for all the delicate petals out there to work from home given this rationale. If you’re fine with that fact you’ll likely end up with a dead or seriously injured kid that is. Definitely not a “desirable” outcome.

FaFoutis · 31/03/2020 23:20

Nobody can write a post that takes all individual circumstances into account.

rivertoskateaway · 31/03/2020 23:27

I am wfh part time (3 days) with my two children, they have turned 4 and 2 in the past couple of weeks.
DH is a keyworker working outside of the home, and his rota has changed to all 12 hour shifts, with overtime to cover staff shortages. So he is often working, or at home sleeping (night shifts). It’s overwhelmingly hard.
Last week, I put a film on and gave the kids snacks in an attempt to get some peace for a video conference call. After five minutes, my daughter walked in (in view) with no nappy or trousers on, and poo down her legs. She had done the poo in her nappy, then taken it off, and sat down on the cream carpet.
Surely things can only get better!?

SarahAndQuack · 31/03/2020 23:28

I agree with @calmama that it's wrong to pretend people are being delicate or lazy for having genuine worries about supervising children. And there are definitely situations in which it is absolutely impossible to work while looking after children.

I think maybe some of the resentment here comes from the fact that a huge number of women have been working in less-than-ideal conditions for years already? I know so many mums who've been angry because they've already been working while looking after kids, and it's only now the rest of the world seems to have realised that is not easy. So those people have a very human desire to punch back against the people who took those who didn't realise how hard it was. I feel a bit like this. I did a lot of work around DD when she was a baby, and wrote a book while she was a young toddler, and it is hard not to respond negatively when I hear my (mostly male) colleagues say 'oh, I can't possibly write an article/mark an essay while I am caring for a child!'. Because of course I and other female colleagues have been doing just that, and until now, we were patronisingly told it sounded 'relaxing' and 'lovely' that we got to see so much of our children.

I don't think this is an excuse. I just think it means we all need to band together more, and we need to hope that when all of this is over, there will be more recognition that working around childcare is really not a good option, and never was.

Ronnie27 · 31/03/2020 23:29

Me, fulltime from home, DH police so still out at work. Alternating feeling guilty about the Fortnite / education ratio we have going on and worrying about not giving work my full attention as there are concerns in my place about job losses at the end of this.

Insanely jealous of anyone who is finding time to do all this cleaning / DIY I keep hearing about as my house looks like a jungle just now but at the same time beyond relieved to still have our jobs and health. It’s mood swings ahoy here. Grin

CeriseClementine · 31/03/2020 23:30

Mine are 12, 9 and 2.

12 and 9 year old are fine - they crack on with their work with minimal intervention needed.

Luckily dh is a SAHD because there is NO way I could wfh whilst looking after a 2 year old if he wasn't.

My job involves investigative work on complex financial cases where a foot wrong could cost thousands. It's not the kind of work you can nip in and out of and requires full concentration for sometimes several hours at a time.

Very shortsighted op - whether wfh is easy or a nightmare or even possible at all 100% depends on the job you do and the age of your kids.

calmama · 31/03/2020 23:35

Nobody can write a post that takes all individual circumstances into account.

True, but they can write a post that isn’t egocentric and patronising.

we all need to band together more, and we need to hope that when all of this is over, there will be more recognition that working around childcare is really not a good option, and never was.

Amen to that.

TheMostHappy · 31/03/2020 23:36

Yep - 2 dc here, 8 and nearly 2. Both dh and I are working full time from home and it's hard going. My work are pretty flexible and dh and I are getting in to a groove now. He does have the tendency to shut himself away a bit though and leave the kids to me for more than what he should do though so I need to be a bit firmer.

SarahAndQuack · 31/03/2020 23:36

My job involves investigative work on complex financial cases where a foot wrong could cost thousands. It's not the kind of work you can nip in and out of and requires full concentration for sometimes several hours at a time.

Very shortsighted op - whether wfh is easy or a nightmare or even possible at all 100% depends on the job you do and the age of your kids.

I think this kind of attitude doesn't help, either, TBH.

I absolutely recognise that there are some jobs that fit better around caring for a child than others. But no job is easily done around childcare. The OP is being unfair, and I agree, but follow this logic and we'll end up with a situation where people pull rank and act as if working in a high-paid, intellectual sort of job means you somehow deserve more mental space than someone else. I think any job, no matter how simple and routine, is stressful to do if you are doing it around a child.

CeriseClementine · 01/04/2020 00:05

Sarahandquack of course it's probably stressful for many, regardless of what your job is.

It's silly to pretend that all jobs are equal though, in terms of their ability to be done around small children. Some jobs just are more difficult or nigh on impossible to do from home around childcare.

I know several teachers who are all able to wfh to a reasonable degree, even with toddlers. I know two people who work in a call centre who are attempting to wfh - and one of them just can't do it. You can't speak to customers about their gas bill with a screaming one year old in the background.

It's nothing to do with the salary or whether the job is 'intellectual' or not and wholly to do with the requirements of the work you're doing. Some jobs are just harder to do from home full stop.

Anychance123 · 01/04/2020 00:09

I was working from home with my just turned 2 year old and my partner works away. My role is being constantly on the phone so it wasn’t work I could catch up on later. To be honest for me it was impossible, I couldn’t physically look after my child and talk to customers at the same time. Luckily I’ve been furloughed.

SarahAndQuack · 01/04/2020 00:28

@CeriseClementine - I think maybe we're speaking cross purposes?

I am trying to say that I don't think it is about the job as such. Whatever job you do, I bet there's someone who can say smugly they managed to do it at home with the nine screaming children and it was fine. Equally, I bet there are jobs that lots of us think would be easy, but for some people, they're not at all.

There are too many variables. How good are you at your job? How good are your kids? How much other stress are you managing? How helpful is your boss? Etc etc.

My point is that as soon as we start with 'well, my job is so intellectual and demanding, I cannot work from home, but you with your easy job can ...' well, then we're onto a problem.

SarahAndQuack · 01/04/2020 00:32

I mean, obviously I get that a brain surgeon cannot work from home, whereas someone whose job is instagramming her gorgeous children baking cupcakes, probably has to.

But it worries me that what's happening at the moment is people saying 'oh, my job is far too important and sophisticated for me to work from home,' and that must feel like a kick in the teeth to other women who've been forced to juggle work and childcare for years.

It shouldn't come down to how hard a job is. We should have an understanding that no one does their best work when they are trying to juggle work and childcare.

Aliceinwanderland · 01/04/2020 00:44

Yes, we are. Both busier than usual due to current circumstances. We are managing as we have 12 and 8 yr old. 12 yr old is fine. 8 yr old is okay but not keen on school work but she is doing a lot of projects and art work (and watching tv) all of which I am fine with. Work is saying they will be flexible but it's not that easy and I'm doing lots of early starts and late nights. It would be a lot harder with smaller kids.

FaFoutis · 01/04/2020 00:45

Yes Sarah I see your meaning. I have worked from home with no childcare for years and I'm feeling that now.

tunnocksreturns2019 · 01/04/2020 00:51

Yes me too, WFH thankfully 22 hours a week rather than full time, DCs 8 and 10. 10 year old has ADHD and I’m widowed so if something requires a grown up to do it, that’ll be me. This week is going better than last week.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 01/04/2020 07:25

Me too , and a LP

copycopypaste · 01/04/2020 07:40

Yep me to, I work from home full time anyway so it's not unusual for me, although I'd normally visit customers a few times a week. I have a 12 yr old so she's fairly self sufficient, but I am having to oversee homework and we try to do something nice each afternoon, such as baking and we walk the dogs each afternoon. My job is fairly busy, so I'm struggling to do it all at the moment.

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