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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A local shop is refusing entry to single parents

619 replies

Throwaway667 · 28/03/2020 09:58

I feel completely enraged by this. With delivery and collection slots now going to the vulnerable (as they should) it’s becoming more difficult to buy essential shopping as it is.
To remove access to essential goods based on the person having a dependant they can’t leave at home is upsetting imo.
Surely this is discrimination?

OP posts:
Bringringbring12 · 28/03/2020 11:02

@Standrewsschool
Mid-leading title op. The shop is preventing children entering the shop, not single parents,unless they blatantly asked for you marital status on entering.

Can you honestly not grasp that in many instances - it’s the same thing.
I’m a single parent of two young children and no family. Where I go, my children go

Neverender · 28/03/2020 11:02

I think this is terrible. As a single Mum to a 3yr old what the hell are we meant to do?!

LotsaDo · 28/03/2020 11:02

So this is why shops now no longer want young kids in their stores. Parents are not controlling them and let them round around.

I'm sure...however I went to the supermarket for the first time since all of this started yesterday and I had more than one middle aged person lean past me to grab things. No one is talking about blanket banning any other age group are they.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 28/03/2020 11:03

According to the ONS the proportion of Lone Parent Families headed by females is many times higher than those headed by males.

Therefore, this provision disproportionately affects females. That means there is a risk that it is indirect sex discrimination under s19 of the Equality Act.

leolion81 · 28/03/2020 11:04

Genuinely baffled at some of these comments. Not all single parents have the child's father to rely on. Mine has never had anything to do with him from birth, I'm sure many are in this position also. Young children can not be left at home or in a car alone. The lack of sympathy for women in this position on this thread is appalling.
I'm very fortunate my son is a teenager so can be left alone but I have wondered how I would have managed if this had happened while he was little. Small local shops are expensive, not many single parents can afford the extra cost.
This thread just goes to show there is still prejudice against single mums. Let's hope the smug mothers dishing out useless advice don't find themselves in this position one day.

VivaLeBeaver · 28/03/2020 11:05

Then you ask someone to do your shopping for you. People on local fb groups, etc are volunteering for this.

cologne4711 · 28/03/2020 11:05

Therefore, this provision disproportionately affects females. That means there is a risk that it is indirect sex discrimination under s19 of the Equality Act

And expecting lone parents to starve isn't a proportionate response to the virus. As people have suggested, it can't be beyond the wit of someone in the shop to take a shopping list from you, bag it up and take it to the door for you to collect along with the card machine for you to pay. People should be looking for solutions, not just causing problems.

LastTrainEast · 28/03/2020 11:06

DivGirl they don't let toddlers drive cars or go on some theme park rides. Discrimination isn't discrimination when there's a genuine reason.

"he's too much of a liability otherwise." Last time I took a child into a shop was my grandson and I swear he had 4 hands for grabbing things. :)

JKScot4 · 28/03/2020 11:08

Leaving kids outside isn’t ideal as you could have all these kids mingling together.
How do you pay these ppl to do your shopping? Give them your card?? Not everyone has a debit/credit card.
If shops limit how many in a shop allowing a mum and child in should not be an issue.

Tiredtiredtired100 · 28/03/2020 11:09

@Isadora2007 just WOW at the idea you can leave a 4 year old alone in the car for 30-60minutes (because when you add in the queuing time for the supermarkets right now that really is the minimum). I would be turning up to the shop and demanding to see the store manager then and there and ask why I’m being discriminated against as a single parent. To be honest it’s discrimination against children for no fair reason either, whilst children are carriers, so are adults and as long as the children are either kept in the trolley (which the supermarkets are cleaning between customers) or staying by their parents and know not to touch things, then they are no greater risk than any other customer.
Fwiw I am a lone parent (so yeah nobody else is ever going to be looking after my son) and went to sainsburys with my 1 year old yesterday. Nobody said anything, they all just smiled at my son and said nice things to him like normal (but from a distance).
If your local store won’t relent ask them for a delivery, but only after rationally discussing with them that they are discriminating against you.

SeperatedSwans · 28/03/2020 11:09

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Manchestermanchester · 28/03/2020 11:10

Why don’t you get on NextDoor app, plenty of neighbours want to help

Tiredtiredtired100 · 28/03/2020 11:11

@leolion81 you’re spot on x

Original poster
Throwaway667 · 28/03/2020 11:12

Just to add that sometimes I’ll want to buy feminine hygiene products, others in my position will be the same (or pregnancy tests, treatments for intimate issues) asking a neighbour to buy this feels completely undignified. I don’t understand why people like me can’t be afforded the same dignity and privacy as everyone else just because we’re a single parent. I’ve read a lot of comments on here before commenting again as I wanted to see if I could understand somewhat this unofficial ‘rule’ shops seem to be setting up, but adults and young adults are just as likely to pick things up and put them back, encroach into personal space and act irresponsibly. In our area there have even been reports of young adults coughing and spitting on elderly people.
Thank you everyone for your comments so far.

OP posts:
Cissyandflora · 28/03/2020 11:13

Just don’t tell them you are a single parent. Just say your partner is at home.
Or do you actually mean they don’t want children in the store?

Shinesweetfreedom · 28/03/2020 11:14

@Throwaway667
Learning disability is classed as vulnerable,but for the purposes of this epidemic the vulnerable are those that have physical vulnerabilities

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 28/03/2020 11:15

It's not just single parents...
It's the partners of NHS staff/police/military etc working away from home on emergency response
It's all the other families of keyworkers working long hours to keep services running

Everyone can agree that children should be left at home if possible... But it's not always possible.

My DH is on 3hrs notice. That means he has a bag packed, waiting to go wherever the Army sends him. So that means when I do go out to the supermarket hopefully once a week at most, my 2 DDs will stay in the car. Luckily, they are old enough and sensible enough for this. I don't like it, it's not ideal, but it's our better option. Neighbours... We are all in the same boat. Only one neighbour hasn't got DC, and she can't drive, and can hardly shop for everyone on foot, it's 2 miles to the nearest shop. Random strangers cannot get onto base.

countrygirl99 · 28/03/2020 11:16

A village shop near us has banned children because as soon as they stopped school they had a constant stream of kids sent out with money for sweets/pop.

Notnew · 28/03/2020 11:17

In Ireland the garda are helping so are the postmen local shops will take orders over the phone for delivery or collection are any of these options

Jinx2020 · 28/03/2020 11:17

Some very ignorant and frankly judgemental comments on here from people who have not a notion of the challenges of being a single parent or the burden of responsibility lone parents are feeling at the minute from protecting their children from the virus whilst also wanting to protect those in shops from what our child could be carrying.

And some suggestions that are frankly, absurd. Leave a 4 year old who is already having to cope with this terrible time alone in a car while we 'pop in' to the shop? We all know its now controlled entry, one way system and social distancing to check out. Rightly so, but impossible to leave a vulnerable child outside alone and bordering on neglect.

Some of the suggestions would be more appropriate for an animal not a child!

OP it is discrimination and I really hope you find a way to get your shopping.

mindproject · 28/03/2020 11:18

This is definitely discrimination.

Luckily DD is old enough to be left at home now, but when she was growing up I had to take her to the supermarket with me as there was nobody else to look after her.

If the child is sat in a trolley then I don't see what the problem is. Small children can sit on the seat, larger children can sit in the main part of the trolley.

Name and shame the supermarkets doing this and I will boycott those supermarkets.

OP posts:
mindproject · 28/03/2020 11:21

Some of the things being pushed through right now seem to run counter to the protection of children. It almost seems like an agenda.

Standrewsschool · 28/03/2020 11:22

@Bringringbring12 - however, they are not discriminating against you because you are a ‘single mum’. If a married/couple mum turned up by herself with a child in tow, they would be treated the same.

I think it’s not a well thought out policy though, and mums/dads should be allowed in with children.

RightOnTheEdge · 28/03/2020 11:22

Does anyone know of actual named shops that are doing this anyway?

Nisa and Co-op where I live have banned children.