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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give up my delivery slots..

355 replies

Shootingstar2918 · 27/03/2020 19:09

Hi all, background... I am not vulnerable and I am fit and healthy and able to go shopping but it’s extremely difficult. I have two children with autism and my partner has to work. I live 12 miles away from the nearest large supermarket. The village shop doesn’t sell much.

I get my shopping delivered every week without fail at the same time every week. I always book slots in advance particularly at usual peak times - Christmas, Easter, summer holidays.

My partner still has to work long hours so not as easy as one of us getting to the shop. By the time he finishes this week the shops are shut. They don’t open late here.

I have two shops booked. One for next week and another for the week after.

Been told I’m selfish for not leaving them for the vulnerable?

I booked these 2 weeks ago! When Tesco released easter bank holiday priority slots for delivery savers!

Surely I should keep my slots and not be made to feel guilty?

I know I’ll probably have to shop in store after these 2 slots!

OP posts:
MammaDada59 · 28/03/2020 04:04

There must be lots of other people in the same situation

Not everyone has internet either to be able to order online

Peppafrig · 28/03/2020 04:20

Mamma is there no local butchers who deliver or charities that can help. I know there are a few in my area.

notsuremate · 28/03/2020 04:50

There are non vulnerable people I know who have delivery slots booked. So even if you gave up your slot, you can’t guarantee who will get it. Your slots. Keep them. Why did your relative even ask how you were managing. Sounds like they know it’s hard for you but then gave you shit when you told them. They’re not a nice person. You might not even get all of your shopping! Plus a friend of mine had her order cancelled at the last moment. You’ve got to do what you can right now to keep your own family fed and safe. Make sure you order up to your 80 items because lots of people are finding that only half the order turns up anyway.

GalileoGalileo · 28/03/2020 05:13

I don't see why delivery slots should be for vulnerable people only - we've e been self-isolating for 2 weeks now and if it wasn't for a food delivery slot I'd booked weeks previously we would have struggled. I have another slot booked for 2 weeks time and hope to just need to pick up a few fresh bits every week to keep us going until then. My DH is a key worker and we have a DC under 1 so it will be difficult for DH to go to the shops when he's back in work and I don't want to expose our DC to the public seeing as they've already had serious respiratory problems in their short life.

mamapants · 28/03/2020 06:00

@HavenDilemma I know it's not on the shielding list, but neurological conditions are on the at risk list as well as learning disabilities.
Also some autistic/ ld children won't understand the need for social distancing or hood hygiene. I know my son would touch everything and put his fingers in his mouth for instance.
I don't know why they are on the at risk list but it would certainly make me wary of taking my son out and about and the supermarkets are asking people not to take their children. So I think OP should keep her slots.
Me and DP are able to go by ourselves and follow the hygiene rules, my son would not. In fact if he was to go round hugging people I think everyone would be horrified.

Deadmansfood · 28/03/2020 06:37

Major sensory food issues will go out of the window along with woke eating when we all get hungry due to food shortages

Sugarplumfairy65 · 28/03/2020 07:29

I got the shielding text on monday, the letter on Tuesday. I immediately registered with the .gov link supplied and my local council.

The link I was sent from my council said that we would be prioritised for supermarket deliveries, all the supermarkets I contacted said that we wouldn't because there were no delivery slots to give us. Guess why??? Because all the selfish fucks who are allowed to open their front door and go shopping because they won't die if they catch it want the convenience of a home delivery.
I've joined a local facebook group of people trying to make themselves feel better offering to shop for people who are vulnerable but so far its been all talk and no action. The only people they've helped is themselves by sharing tips with each other about what shops are stocked with what.

What are we supposed to do?

I wish now that in the run up to this I had gone out and bought everything I needed to last at least a month, but I didn't because we were assured that the shielded group would be looked after

Peppafrig · 28/03/2020 07:42

@sugarplumfairy we are hearing more and more cases of perfectly healthy people dying from this. So to say people won’t die if they catch it isn’t true. My council said they will be delivering food packages to those that need shielding . I hope something gets sorted for up you soon.

dairyfairies · 28/03/2020 07:48

I think it's selfish if you can get to the shops.

one of my DC has severe autism/LD but no health issues as such. I take her to to shop with me. I know plenty of people who really struggle as they cannot go to the shops due to being extremely vulnerable.

you also mention a partner - can he not do the shopping (I know he works bit plenty of people work and shop - they are not mutually exclusive) or you head to the shop when your DH is home?

you have alternatives to the home delivery, others don't. It's pretty selfish of you not to make use of them in this situation.

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 28/03/2020 07:49

@Sugarplumfairy56 I'm in the same situation. I had the letter and registered on Tuesday. Sainsburys online said they can't identify me as vulnerable so I don't think the government list has been shared.

I have messaged all of the online supermarkets and told them I am on the list but nobody has responded to me. Looking at social media, they are all swamped with customers asking questions about deliveries.

I'm running out of food and I can't pop to the shops. I'm in the shielding group as I have a higher risk of catching it and a much higher risk of death from it. I'm a single parent and don't have a partner I can send to the shops.

All I need is one regular slot a week. I don't care what time of day it is at, I don't care which supermarket it's from. I just need to know I can access food once a week to feed my children.

bucketofgin · 28/03/2020 07:53

I don’t understand people saying they have no choice but to go to a shop. That’s part of why all the volunteer groups were set up.

Teddypops · 28/03/2020 07:55

I have some slots booked. I know I am selfish to a degree but I will use my slots to shop for neighbours and my elderly parents.

BeardedMum · 28/03/2020 07:58

My MIL who is over 70 has a regular slot now with Sainsbury’s and gets priority. She is a regular online customer with them. I thought supermarkets prioritise they existing online customers and don’t let new customers register perhaps.

dairyfairies · 28/03/2020 07:58

I don’t understand people saying they have no choice but to go to a shop. That’s part of why all the volunteer groups were set up.

I have a few elderly neighbours who do not use the internet and have not support network. They just have a telly. And nobody from the local authority has contacted them.

how would the magic shopping fairy you are referring to know they are running out of food, bucket?

Peppafrig · 28/03/2020 07:58

People are bashing Sainsbury’s so much too when they are doing their best. They are not a charity and are not set up to deliver to that amount of people. It should be down to the government to sort this out .

zelbazinnamon · 28/03/2020 07:59

bucketofgin there aren’t groups everywhere. I’ve looked, because I need to find a way for my old & infirm MIL to be able to get food (obviously there are no delivery slots), there are no groups where she lives.

Myfriendanxiety · 28/03/2020 08:01

@bucketofgin have you tried relying on other people to do your shopping?

Can’t send a huge list, not able to choose items if one isn’t in stock etc. It’s really very difficult.

BeardedMum · 28/03/2020 08:04

Agree supermarkets are not charities and will look after existing customers as they don’t want to lose them when the crisis is over. It’s up to the government to sort but hey we have a Tory government. Surprised people think they and all the people who voted for them would suddenly start caring for the sick and disabled.

Peppafrig · 28/03/2020 08:12

@beardedmum exactly and delivery’s aren’t free as I said on another thread most are £5 with extra fees if basket under £40. Most of the really vulnerable I know wouldn’t have that kind of extra money every week. Certainly not most pensioners who would go shopping before all this happened on their free bus pass. Someone said maybe each supermarket should be responsible for providing slots for the vulnerable who shop with them before. Then the government should sort the rest out .

AskforJanice · 28/03/2020 08:15

I have two slots booked about 20 days apart. If I could guarantee they would go to someone vulnerable I would give them up but there is no way of doing this. I will get anything our two sets of elderly neighbours need too though with these slots

cantdothisnow1 · 28/03/2020 08:16

@deadmansfood you clearly have no knowledge/ understanding of severe sensory processing issues.

There is nothing woke about it.

OP i'm in the same position, I'm keeping my slots.

My kids simply wouldn't cope if I end up in hospital or worse as they cannot be away from me. I am their carer as well as mum. These are considerations that other families do not have and cannot understand because unless you are in this position you do not understand the strains of parenting autistic children.

I am worried if I cannot get future slots but will cross that bridge.

HathorX · 28/03/2020 08:18

Yanbu, don’t feel guilty. Your circumstances are difficult at the best of times, and with supermarkets introducing new rules around shopping every few days, I think you are better off with your online shopping. A weekly shop isn’t unreasonable especially when you can only buy 80 items.

IndecentFeminist · 28/03/2020 08:47

The little autistic boy that I work with doesn't recognise unknown foods as food. If he hasn't eaten it before, it isn't registered as food and therefore edible. You may as well ask him to eat a piece of furniture as eat something new.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 28/03/2020 09:14

@bucketofgin

I don’t understand people saying they have no choice but to go to a shop. That’s part of why all the volunteer groups were set up.

Volunteer groups??? The one in my town only seems to be helping elderly people. I posted in the group asking for help but no one in my area was available. One woman who wasn't an admin in the group told me to post a picture of my letter with my address on and she'd see what she could do.

I've heard nothing from the council re food parcels despite filling in their form at the start of the week telling them that I need help. All they've done is cancel my 2 half hour care visits per week where a carer helped me shower

ineedsun · 28/03/2020 10:54

People can be dicks and love to have an opinion about other people without all the facts.

You have the slots booked, use them. Companies are employing more drivers which is what is needed now. Don't go to the shop unless you need to. If you want to you could ask what other people need and add to your shop and then leave parcels outside peoples doors. Maybe those who sit in judgement will deem you worthy then?

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