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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH to touch me or the DC until this virus thing is over?

96 replies

CoronaIsShit · 25/03/2020 20:35

He has to work (essential job, think food supply) and therefore has a lot of contact with different people all day and travels around including into central London. His employer has protocols to reduce transmission and he’s pretty fastidious himself. His work clothes go straight in the machine and he goes straight in the shower from work but all it could take is one moment of being lax about social distancing and getting coughed at in the face.

The DC and I are all self isolating (with a daily run) and are not in physical contact with anyone else but DH. I’m getting concerned that he may bring the virus home which has really turned me off kissing or touching him Sad. Let alone anything else which he’s most pissed off about! DC also tell him to get away from themShock.

AIBU to tell him to sleep on the sofa —or live in the garage preferably— until a treatment is found or it dies out?

(Only slightly lighthearted)

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre · 25/03/2020 20:38

Tell him to strip off and hop in the shower.
I would be gutted if I was under the most work related pressure in living memory and I was relegated to the sofa

milienhaus · 25/03/2020 20:41

Poor him.

gettingusedtothelimelight · 25/03/2020 20:43

What would be your view if it was you going out to work. Would you be happy not being able to get near your children and husband?

From the sound of it he's doing a much needed job and is taking precautions.

luckylavender · 25/03/2020 20:43

OP - you're not self isolating if you're having a daily run. You're self distancing / staying indoors.

MiniTheMinx · 25/03/2020 20:48

I feel the same way. DH is still having to work for a bunch of evil American profiteering twats who don't run an essential business,....in fact what they supply to shops won't be needed. They have insisted he is a "key worker" and that their business is essential. Two weeks ago he was office based and could have been working from home.

So, I'm having no contact with outsiders, not going to work and the DC have been off school and at home since a week before schools closed (my choice, we used to HEd, we will manage), and his manager today has sent home many workers on full pay who can't work at home, all the office staff were already on full pay at home, but DH is using public transport because his loony money grabbing boss appointed him a "key worker" I guess the boss heard the term and thought wow that's a great term I'll apply to someone!

Dieu · 25/03/2020 20:50

That's very cold.

Excited101 · 25/03/2020 20:52

If he gets it, you’ll get it- regardless of you kissing or not.

BodiesMakeForGoodFertiliser · 25/03/2020 20:53

That's harsh

BodiesMakeForGoodFertiliser · 25/03/2020 20:54

Unless you are high risk

Verily1 · 25/03/2020 20:55

If you don’t have any specific vulnerabilities you are being crazy.

Echobelly · 25/03/2020 20:56

TBH, if no one in your house is at particular risk I'd be kind of 'bring it on sooner rather than later' - there's almost no avoiding it unless you stay on complete lockdown for 12-18 months.

zigaziga · 25/03/2020 20:57

If it’s in the house you’ll likely all get it anyway. Virtually impossible to isolate from those you live with, I wouldn’t even try.
This is a stressful enough time as it is without adding extra pressure and friction in your house.

Also yes, if you were self isolating you wouldn’t leave the house. You are just doing what is expected of all of us, no more.

DesLynamsMoustache · 25/03/2020 20:57

DC also tell him to get away from them

That's really sad. Poor guy :( As long as he comes home, washes hands, changes etc. and isn't coughing or outwardly symptomatic then I think you're being really harsh. It must be tough enough having to work in that environment without coming home and your wife and kids refusing to go near you.

BigChocFrenzy · 25/03/2020 20:57

YABU
He is doing an essential job and deserves support from his family

As soon as he gets in the doot, he shouldstrip off and leave his clothes in a washbag there
Then shower and wash hair

One of you puts his clothes in the washing machine on 60C - and then wash hands thoroughly

After that, fgs, both of you treat the poor bugger normally and give him a hug

BigChocFrenzy · 25/03/2020 20:58

aagh wifi typos !

nicky7654 · 25/03/2020 20:59

Wow I have no words!

strawberrylipgloss · 25/03/2020 21:03

What Frenzy said. He deserves sympathy and gratitude for keeping the family afloat (after he's showered and washed his hands when he gets home)

LucyFox · 25/03/2020 21:05

Why don’t you let your poor hardworking husband have the bedroom & you sleep on the sofa/in the garage?

Redglitter · 25/03/2020 21:08

AIBU to tell him to sleep on the sofa —or live in the garage preferably

If anyone is sleeping on the sofa or in the garage it should be you. The poor guy will be under tremendous stress at work he deserves a good night sleep.

PrincessMaryaBolkonskaya · 25/03/2020 21:10

I feel sorry for him. Could you sleep on the sofa?

Rezie · 25/03/2020 21:12

I don't really see how him sleeping on the sofa makes a difference.

Aussiegirl123456 · 25/03/2020 21:13

My children and I have had the virus (two of the four children had zero symptoms and my other two children and I had very mild symptoms), my husband never caught it despite us having special adult cuddles before we knew I was contaminated. So meh, do what you feel is right.

Original poster
CoronaIsShit · 25/03/2020 21:13

Ok then. Is no one else worried about family members WOTH bringing the virus back with them? Especially as we are constantly being told to keep away from others who may infect us.

Looks like I’m on the sofa then!

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 25/03/2020 21:16

I am the key worker in our relationship and I would be utterly devastated if my dh and kids behaved in the same way you are. At least from your kids (at the very least!) your dh should be getting some respect. What about the impact your treatment would have on his mental health? He is already taking sensible precautions like changing his clothes straight away and showering. Unless any of you are undergoing chemo you are being seriously ridiculous. Do you bring in any money or are you solely relying on him to keep your family afloat? If my dh asked me to do what you have suggested he would be sleeping on the sofa himself, maybe you should try that and sleep there yourself. It is stressful for everyone at the moment not just you and being the key worker in a relationship is stressful. I work in the pharmacy profession and cannot just up and decide to not go to work. I do not want to bring the virus home to my dh or kids and am taking all sensible precautions. I have enough worry on my plate without feeling like I am causing actual harm to my family and I imagine your husband would feel the same if you said the same to him. Honestly if I was him I would seriously reconsider being with you after this is all over. Yabu

PrincessMaryaBolkonskaya · 25/03/2020 21:18

@CoronaIsShit we’re told to stay away from people outside of our household. That’s the govt advice.

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