Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH to touch me or the DC until this virus thing is over?

96 replies

CoronaIsShit · 25/03/2020 20:35

He has to work (essential job, think food supply) and therefore has a lot of contact with different people all day and travels around including into central London. His employer has protocols to reduce transmission and he’s pretty fastidious himself. His work clothes go straight in the machine and he goes straight in the shower from work but all it could take is one moment of being lax about social distancing and getting coughed at in the face.

The DC and I are all self isolating (with a daily run) and are not in physical contact with anyone else but DH. I’m getting concerned that he may bring the virus home which has really turned me off kissing or touching him Sad. Let alone anything else which he’s most pissed off about! DC also tell him to get away from themShock.

AIBU to tell him to sleep on the sofa —or live in the garage preferably— until a treatment is found or it dies out?

(Only slightly lighthearted)

OP posts:
Ikeameatballs · 25/03/2020 21:20

I am the keyworker in our home. DP is at home with my dc.

I come home and wash my hands the go straight upstairs, strip, shower and then lounge wear.

If DP reacted like you I’dbe upset.

Frontlineson · 25/03/2020 21:22

OP it really should be you sleeping on the sofa, poor bloke!

Can you imagine if this was a husband talking about his wife and saying she should sleep on the sofa or in the garbage? He'd be called abusive!

adaline · 25/03/2020 21:25

Wow that's so mean Sad

If it was the other way around would you be happy to be treated like this?

I think I would actually reconsider my entire marriage if my DH acted like this. It's so cold.

Inthemuckheap · 25/03/2020 21:29

Your poor OH - why are the DC shrinking away from him? Because you've told them to or they've picked up from you that he's to be avoided? I'm sure he'd far rather prefer to be at home rather than putting himself or his family at risk and then he gets treated like that?

MrsJBaptiste · 25/03/2020 21:31

I can see why the OP is being like this. The text from my doctor said to keep at home for 12 weeks, sleep in separate bedrooms if you can, use separate bathrooms if you can and don't go near members of your own family!

Therefore I've been actively keeping away from DH as he's at work and I'm the one stuck in the house. This is not helping as we're having marriage issues at the moment anyway...

Isadora2007 · 25/03/2020 21:33

If you’ve no underlying health issues you are being a bit of a hard faced bitch. Punishing your husband for doing his job? Wow.

Northernparent68 · 25/03/2020 21:42

Do you think your marriage will survive your treatment of your husband ?

wormshock · 25/03/2020 21:44

My husband is now working from home. He is currently self isolating in the garden in a tent and wont come near us, just in case he has it! So you aren't the only one that is worried about it.

wormshock · 25/03/2020 21:46

In fact he was 50 yesterday and spent the day in the garden. Poor thing, but he feels he must do it.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 25/03/2020 21:46

DC also tell him to get away from them I wonder where they have got that from?!

You need to be on the sofa. He is working.

Ok then. Is no one else worried about family members WOTH bringing the virus back with them? Me and DP are both frontline. Of course we are worried, these are worrying times. If he wasn't working and insisted on himself and our children staying away from me I wouldn't forgive him. It's a stressful time and someone treating their supposedoved one like a leper should be ashamed of themselves.

wormshock · 25/03/2020 21:49

It's not being treated like a leper, it's doing the best you can to limit the spread of the virus.

DesLynamsMoustache · 25/03/2020 21:50

The text from my doctor said to keep at home for 12 weeks, sleep in separate bedrooms if you can, use separate bathrooms if you can and don't go near members of your own family!

That's presumably because you are self-isolating/shielding and in a high-risk group. That is not the advice for everyone else and doesn't seem to be the case for OP as they are going out every day. Those not in the highest-risk groups don't need to stay away from their live-in partners or children for three months (although I understand if someone is a medic and wants to stay separately to their family for safety).

DesLynamsMoustache · 25/03/2020 21:54

@wormshock But some of this stuff isn't even what we're being advised to do. There's no need for people with normal jobs who are now working from home anyway and who are totally asymptomatic to be living in tents in the garden and self-isolating from their live-in family for weeks at a time in most circumstances.

Mittens030869 · 25/03/2020 21:55

That's really mean, OP, especially making your DC feel they need to shrink away from him as well. He's doing very important work right now, fighting this virus, and he's clearly taking precautions to keep you all safe.

I'm being isolated by my family, but for a very good reason, I actually pretty ill with what's almost certainly COVID-19, and I've been self-isolating for 2 weeks now. That's how it should be. Your DH isn't showing symptoms and he's being careful.

DesLynamsMoustache · 25/03/2020 21:55

I should have said *without symptoms as asymptomatic suggests they have it.

Waveysnail · 25/03/2020 21:56

Surely if dh has the virus he would leave it in the bathroom, any surface he touches, cutlery and crockery. Yabu

Original poster
CoronaIsShit · 25/03/2020 21:56

No underlying conditions apart from the fact we’ve all still got chesty coughs and runny noses since having ‘flu’ last month(all came down with it more than 2 weeks ago). Really don’t want anything else before our immune systems have a chance to reboot themselves!

I’ve asked him to self isolate for 14 days to see the effects of the lockdown, he’ll still get paid, but he won’t. Yes, he is needed to work but my family come first.

OP posts:
BigChocFrenzy · 25/03/2020 21:57

"Is no one else worried about family members WOTH bringing the virus back with them? Especially as we are constantly being told to keep away from others who may infect us."

Not if he strips & showers as we have recommended

"others who may infect us."

.... because they won't have stripped and showered before coming near you !

Unless you are in a high risk group, I'm damn sure that neither the PM
nor any responsible doctor would tell families to shun an essential worker like some leper in olden times

PinkiOcelot · 25/03/2020 21:57

I think you should relegate yourself to the sofa or the garage.
I’m the one going out to work in this house and I’d be really annoyed if this were my scenario.

allaboardthesinkingship · 25/03/2020 21:58

If he's been in contact with corona DONT wash clothes straight away. Put in a bag, seal it and wash it 72 hours later. That's the advice I was told regarding my NHS uniform

MrsP2015 · 25/03/2020 21:59

I've not read all the replies but I totally get where you're coming from.

DH is in a similar job and I asked him to shower asap when he gets in, which he does after dumping his work bag and coat in the lounge and walking around in his boots

I actually moved into the spare room as I feel I'm less likely to pick something up from him sleeping apart. He's not happy with this but I think it's a wise move with how serious CV is.

BigChocFrenzy · 25/03/2020 21:59

"Yes, he is needed to work but my family come first."

He IS your family too
and he is doing an essential job, to keep the country going, for you and the rest of us

He deserves your support and hugs, not this horrid shunning

Chinks123 · 25/03/2020 22:00

Myself and dc are self isolating, we haven’t left the house in 7 days now. Dp is still working, because his company has said if he doesn’t come in he doesn’t get paid.

Yes it worries me. He strips off as soon as he comes in and gets straight in the shower: this is nothing new as he’s filthy so has always done this. He’s not really hugging the children as much, but if he gets it we’ll all get it regardless of kissing etc. Our house is tiny there’s no avoiding anyone. I really wish he didn’t have to go but he’s refusing to leave without pay.

BigChocFrenzy · 25/03/2020 22:04

OP

if he stopped working like you seem to want
and every other person in essential services also stopped because their partner nagged them into it

then the country - and its hospitals too - would grind to a bloody halt
and you'd really be in danger them

Doggybiccys · 25/03/2020 22:04

I get your point OP but you are not coming across well. Me and DP are both front line NHS. Two older DC at home. There is now no physical contact between any of us. DC do not leave house except to go into the garden. DDs boyfriend banned from the house (normally stays over several nights a week). Everything cleaned as much as we can and all crockery, towels, cups, cutlery etc separated. Even then there’s no guarantees.

Sure, do what you can / but to say “family comes first” is horrible - is your DH not part of your family?