Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH to touch me or the DC until this virus thing is over?

96 replies

CoronaIsShit · 25/03/2020 20:35

He has to work (essential job, think food supply) and therefore has a lot of contact with different people all day and travels around including into central London. His employer has protocols to reduce transmission and he’s pretty fastidious himself. His work clothes go straight in the machine and he goes straight in the shower from work but all it could take is one moment of being lax about social distancing and getting coughed at in the face.

The DC and I are all self isolating (with a daily run) and are not in physical contact with anyone else but DH. I’m getting concerned that he may bring the virus home which has really turned me off kissing or touching him Sad. Let alone anything else which he’s most pissed off about! DC also tell him to get away from themShock.

AIBU to tell him to sleep on the sofa —or live in the garage preferably— until a treatment is found or it dies out?

(Only slightly lighthearted)

OP posts:
Sewrainbow · 25/03/2020 22:04

I'm a healthcare worker I've been with lots of covid patients today. I came in washed hands went straight up to shower and washed the clothes I only travelled to work in just to be sure and my uniform will be boil washed tomorrow. Its currently in the car still.

My dh will be in a school tomorrow but I dont suppose he will do anything them wash hands coming in, which I'm happy with.

As long as your dh does similar I cant see any risk, especially if you have no high risk people in the house. If you cant then he should get the bed, you the sofa and you need to curb the children's comments, I'd be hurt if my kids said that to me Sad

WaterOffADucksCrack · 25/03/2020 22:10

wormshock he's taking the advised precautions.

my family come first. isn't he your family? How would you feel if he spoke about you like that? Because I'd leave my parther if he made out like I wasn't family after having a family together and providing for our family.

Original poster
CoronaIsShit · 25/03/2020 22:13

TBH I’d very surprised if we hadn’t already had it. It was extremely unusual for all 6 of us to be so unwell at the same time with lasting effects. Even my teen sons, who can cycle 10+ miles a day, are still coughing like they smoke 50 a day (they don’t) but I’m worried if that wasn’t CV19, it will be a whole lot worse and we’re not all back to full health yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
CoronaIsShit · 25/03/2020 22:15

When I said my family I come first, I didn’t say he wasn’t part of that Hmm. I meant in terms of us all being more important than his job!

OP posts:
Livpool · 25/03/2020 22:17

I think you are being really unfair OP, and your attitude has rubbed off on your DC.

As long as he put clothes in the wash and showers when he gets in then I don't see the problem.

Your DH is not a pariah

WaterOffADucksCrack · 25/03/2020 22:20

If it's a chesty cough you haven't had it. You're looking for a dry tickly cough.

CorianderLord · 25/03/2020 22:20

You can't not let anyone touch him for weeks or maybe months. Have him shower as soon as he's home and put his clothes in the wash.

It would be tortuous to be withheld the affection of his children and wife for so long.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 25/03/2020 22:21

Jesus Christ . Poor sod .

PennyArrowBar · 25/03/2020 22:21

I feel the same way about my DH. My anxiety is through the roof and I have felt sick with panic and fear since Saturday. He's sleeping in the other room, I've got DS in with me. I don't want him tonight either of us It is unreasonable of course.

PennyArrowBar · 25/03/2020 22:22

*touching

Guavaf1sh · 25/03/2020 22:22

You are not being fair and I’m sure you know it. Your poor husband!

1Morewineplease · 25/03/2020 22:23

You sound very scared but you need to get a reasonable perspective.
Your partner is doing the right thing. Your reaction is too much.
If you’re going out for a daily run then you are NOT self isolating, irrespective of whether you meet anyone or not.
To forbid a kiss , well.. I feel so sorry for your partner.
You sound paranoid.

Lazypuppy · 25/03/2020 22:29

You're not self isolating, you're self distancing.

If you were self isolating because of symtpoms he would have to as well so wouldn't be going to work.

I am self distancing and WFH now with dd, my partner is a key worker and is out at work each day. You just have to be careful and it sounds like he is.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 25/03/2020 22:32

I don't think I could ever forgive OH if his paranoia ruined the relationship with my children. Him not touching me? Meh ,he can suit himself, but the kids picking up on it and copying because he can't get his head straight ? Fuck that shit.

You go out, you could pick it up anyways.

Imagine coming home from work,tired and your kids shying away from you and your husband saying you have to sleep on the sofa. Fuck that shit.

If your relationship survives then your husband is a better human than me.

saraclara · 25/03/2020 22:39

Sorry, but you're totally messing up your kids, and your DH's relationship with them. You're teaching them to be scared of him which is just about the shittiest thing you could do to him. And to them.

How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your husband was sending signals to them that you were unsafe? For weeks, maybe months?

Seriously, stop this now.

Luunaa · 25/03/2020 23:03

He sounds like he's 'doing his bit' and coming home to an unsupportive wife and kids. poor bloke. you go on the sofa if you're that worried.

1066vegan · 25/03/2020 23:10

I get where you're coming from. I'm in the same situation but in reverse. I'm going into school. Not as high risk as a lot of jobs but many of the children in school have parents who work for the NHS.

My dp worries that the parents will transmit the virus to their children, they will transmit it to me, I'll give it to him and he'll pass it to his 90 year old mum.

I shower as soon as I get home, clothes go straight into the laundry basket and my shoes and coat aren't kept in the hall with the others. He worries about us being too close in case I pass something on so I've kept our bedroom and he's sleeping in the spare room (I've definitely got the best deal there).

Dd's not worried but she's a teenager so spends most of her time in her bedroom anyway.

Eskarina1 · 25/03/2020 23:12

My husband is a key worker (food chain). I guess he will, at some point, bring it back. By my children and I staying in lockdown, the chain of transmission ends with us.

MsMD · 25/03/2020 23:12

You sound awful. If my husband did this to me I'd make it easy for him and kick him out.

He's working hard, you're lucky enough to be at home, but you think he should go on the sofa? That above all else shows what you think of him.

Pjsandbaileys · 25/03/2020 23:15

I have hospital grade body wash for msra etc if you could source this and shower and change as soon as he got in would you feel more comfortable? I honest don't know how I would feel in your shoes though it's hard to stop the fear taking over xx

Cunninglittlevixen · 25/03/2020 23:21

I am very happy to sleep on the sofa to avoid contact with my Ill dh.

BunnytheBee · 25/03/2020 23:21

Yes, he is needed to work but my family come first.

Isn’t her your family too? Aren’t YOUR kids also HIS family?

You sound awful

Natsel84 · 25/03/2020 23:24

OP. To be fair I think if your going to pull your weight around then you need to sleep on the sofa

annamie · 25/03/2020 23:28

Yep, you sleep on the sofa OP or preferably the garage

You might be the first coronavirus CF.

RUSU92 · 25/03/2020 23:29

You do realise that if he has the virus or brings it back from work, that it will be all over everything he touches, not just on his lips. Have a look at this Mythbusters experiment to see how far it can spread through normal interactions.

Give the poor bastard a kiss and apologise for being so mean to him.

I'm living apart from my DP of 7 years. We haven't seen each other for days, I'd give anything to be able to be in the same house with him and give him a kiss and a cuddle. We're abiding by the rules to keep ourselves and everyone else safe, but tbh I'd rather catch it than have to avoid him for months Sad but I know I can't take that risk for my DCs.