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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is not a dig and my husband should get over it?

133 replies

Rafaroo · 25/03/2020 14:21

Hello All

Not a coronavirus related post and a bit frivolous in these current times but hoping it may take your mind off if you read it!

So... 2 weeks ago I gave birth to our second child and a few days later a package arrived for me from my sister. She sent bits and bobs for our eldest, some bits for the baby, a funny little novelty mug for my husband and something amazing for me - a pair of black Louboutin heels!! Now to give you some context, I do not own any designer shoes at all. I could never afford them before I was married and now I am married, my husband could afford to buy them for me but in both our eyes there is always something more important. Anyway, for years though my husband has been promising to get them for me and has mentioned this to me and to my sister. I've never held him to that though as with a child and another on the way, demanding a £500 pair of shoes seemed unreasonable at best! Anyway, my sister has now bought them for me and my husband is fuming. He says he thinks she is making a dig at him by buying something for me that he always wanted to buy me and it is her way of shaming him for not buying it sooner. Sort of like 'I had to buy this for my sister because you won't'.

I don't think it is like this. I think my sister just knows I really wanted them, and decided to spoil me with a lovely gift. My husband is really upset though and says he feels embarrassed. I personally think he is making a big deal over nothing.

So what do you think? Would you take it as a dig if you were my husband?

OP posts:
MulticolourMophead · 25/03/2020 15:00

He's being a wazzock. He's been making an empty promise for years and is now throwing his teddies out the pram because someone else has seen through it.

Yes, OP, you say my husband could afford to buy them for me but in both our eyes there is always something more important. but there was always Christmas or birthdays. And they way you write this does make me think it's more him who finds other stuff more important.

In any case, he's making what should be a lovely time for you into being all about him. Tell him to take his sulking out of your sight, and get on with looking after your lovely baby.

lmcneil003 · 25/03/2020 15:00

Crazy times. People are losing their minds. Yes, he sounds like a child, but he could be desperately worried about COVID. Cut him and his dickish ways some slack.

monkeymonkey2010 · 25/03/2020 15:01

has HE thanked her yet for the gifts she bought the whole family?
She's doing this from a place of love and he's being a dick about it.

thecatsthecats · 25/03/2020 15:03

He's being a little immature but I can see why he's upset. This was something lovely that he wanted to do for you and she has stolen his thunder.

I get what you mean, but there's delayed gratification, then there's years of delayed gratification, at which point it becomes a lot more about the giver and their promises (if they're to be believed) than the receiver.

It's actually not very nice being on the end of 'just you wait, I'll get you x/do this for you' (Experience - my husband wanting to do a 'big' proposal and taking his own sweet arse time about it, and my mum banging on and on about giving us a deposit. My husband got it after I ended up in bloody tears from his mucking around, my mum never would, but dangling things before people is not a nice thing to do.)

june2007 · 25/03/2020 15:03

It may not be meant as a dig more as a nice present, but for him it can be seen as a dig and underminding, so yes I get it.

diddl · 25/03/2020 15:04

So why hasn't he bought them by now?

Because you have both decided that there are other things more important?

So it does sound to me as if you have stopped him from doing this tbh & now your sister has stepped in & "taken the glory".

I can see his point tbh.

MulticolourMophead · 25/03/2020 15:04

lmcneil003 COVID is not an excuse for dickish behaviour.

FuckOffCorona · 25/03/2020 15:04

He’s being a knob

monkeymonkey2010 · 25/03/2020 15:06

well, if you don't have free access to family funds to just buy them for yourself despite being able to afford it....then tell him THAT is what you want - and it won't cost him anything......let's see if he can get over his pride and bullshit....Wink

Chocolate1984 · 25/03/2020 15:08

If he wanted to buy them for you he would have. He could have saved £5 a week and bought you some. But he didn’t. He has no intention of buying you them and needs to get over it.

oakleaffy · 25/03/2020 15:08

Strangely.....I can see where your husband is coming from...
I know very trad man, self employed, but since the Coronavirus has had all his jobs cancel, and his wife {who has office based work, and can work from home} said she will support both of them while this lockdown continues..
The man said to me ''It feels so unmanly to be supported by your wife and not pay equally''..
I wonder if your husband feels the same..
He knew you really wanted those shoes, and now someone else has bought them...

I do understand. He may feel undermined and ''less manly'' {for want of a better term} as he couldn't stump top £500 for a luxury item?

He oughtn't sulk though. But I wonder if this is the reason he is upset?

madcatladyforever · 25/03/2020 15:09

Why hadn't he bought them already. I doubt he ever would have.
He is pissed off because he knows that.
The least he could do is let you enjoy them without putting a spoiler on it. Tell him to shut up.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 25/03/2020 15:10

I could never afford them before I was married and now I am married, my husband could afford to buy them for me but in both our eyes there is always something more important

This is one of the most depressing sentences I’ve read in a long time outside of CV stuff.

SmallChickBilly · 25/03/2020 15:12

This was something lovely that he wanted to do for you and she has stolen his thunder.

Telling someone you're going to buy them a present, then not doing it isn't lovely. He didn't have any thunder to steal!

Bottletopsx · 25/03/2020 15:13

Congratulations on your new baby. Let him sulk he will get over it.

Holothane · 25/03/2020 15:14

He should have brought them himself, selfish whiny child.

TheMamaYo · 25/03/2020 15:17

Can I have your sister, please?Grin

mambanumber5 · 25/03/2020 15:17

Your husband is embarrassed because he has promised you something and then by her doing it for you been called out on it.

Frankly he should be embarrassed. Or shouldn't make promises he can't deliver on.

It's slightly similar to my mil who was apparently desperate to buy the Moses basket for my first child. Could talk of nothing else from about 20 weeks. I sent her a link of a few we liked (not the cheapest ones in the shop but not ridiculously expensive either and they are not short of money). It never materialised. I bought my own at around 36 weeks. I think she was pissed off but frankly that was her own problem. Meanwhile my own mum bought literally everything else on my John Lewis gift list (was only really there for us in case anyone asked what we wanted, didn't share widely) in plenty of time so I wasn't stressing about it arriving despite me saying that she shouldn't!! Some people want the glory but can't actually bring themselves to part with the gift.

SapphireSeptember · 25/03/2020 15:19

Nope, can't stand people who say they'll do something for you then never deliver. My ex-H did that all the time.

Your sister sounds amazing OP, enjoy your new shoes!

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 25/03/2020 15:19

I think he feels a bit guilty for not buying them and he is projecting onto her.

LaurieFairyCake · 25/03/2020 15:21

Can we see them ? Grin

LEELULUMPKIN · 25/03/2020 15:23

He's embarrassed because she has shown him up.

Coulda, woulda, shouda, doesn't cut it.

If he had really wanted to get them for you and could have afforded it, he would have by now.

I don't think it was intentional on your Sister's part.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 25/03/2020 15:25

It never materialised. I bought my own at around 36 weeks

She was probably waiting until there was a baby to put in it! Some people are superstitious about buying cots and Moses baskets before the baby is born. You could have definitely waited until baby arrived and then if no sign bought it yourself! I’m sure you had a cot you could have used in the interim.

PinkiOcelot · 25/03/2020 15:27

He’s being pathetic.

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/03/2020 15:27

"Anyway, for years though my husband has been promising to get them for me and has mentioned this to me and to my sister."

Promising you for years? Oh dear.

"my husband could afford to buy them for me but in both our eyes there is always something more important."

More important than keeping an oft-repeated promise to you? Oh dear. And I'd wonder how he phrases it to you to ensure that you agree with him that his promise to you is less important than - well, just run your memory over all these things that were more important. Were they really important? To who?

Your sister did something lovely for you, and he is making damned sure that he takes the shine off it. And making it all about him, him, him. Because he's obviously used to it never being about you, you, you.

Probably not what you wanted to hear, OP, but I think your husband is quite the self-centred wanker.

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