To think this is not a dig and my husband should get over it?

[Rafaroo]

Hello All

Not a coronavirus related post and a bit frivolous in these current times but hoping it may take your mind off if you read it!

So... 2 weeks ago I gave birth to our second child and a few days later a package arrived for me from my sister. She sent bits and bobs for our eldest, some bits for the baby, a funny little novelty mug for my husband and something amazing for me - a pair of black Louboutin heels!! Now to give you some context, I do not own any designer shoes at all. I could never afford them before I was married and now I am married, my husband could afford to buy them for me but in both our eyes there is always something more important. Anyway, for years though my husband has been promising to get them for me and has mentioned this to me and to my sister. I've never held him to that though as with a child and another on the way, demanding a £500 pair of shoes seemed unreasonable at best! Anyway, my sister has now bought them for me and my husband is fuming. He says he thinks she is making a dig at him by buying something for me that he always wanted to buy me and it is her way of shaming him for not buying it sooner. Sort of like 'I had to buy this for my sister because you won't'.

I don't think it is like this. I think my sister just knows I really wanted them, and decided to spoil me with a lovely gift. My husband is really upset though and says he feels embarrassed. I personally think he is making a big deal over nothing.

So what do you think? Would you take it as a dig if you were my husband?

He had plenty of time to buy them, but didn’t.
If people have spotted his empty promises he can’t complain now!
Enjoy your fabulous gift.

Tell him to buy you a pair if his nose is that far out of joint.
Lovely sister. I got a bottle of pink champagne from mine and that was very welcome too.

If he wanted to buy them, then he should have bought them!

And he's trying to spoil it now. So petty.

Tell him to stop trying to ruin something lovely.

at buying matching handbag.

Your husband is embarrassed that your sister has done something really lovely that he thought he should have done but never got round to. That's his problem, not yours or your sisters. Tell him if it makes him fell so bad he can but you some too 😁

It's like when men get arsy that you got an electrician in because he "was going to do it" for the past two years!

How long does he think you should have waited for him to buy the shoes? If he said he'd buy them then he should have bought them. You have a birthday and Christmas (if you celebrate it) every year so he's had ample opportunity to buy them. He probably just saw how thrilled you were and wanted the glory for himself. Your sister sounds ace by the way!

So basically he was taking the credit for buying them without actually buying them? He looked like a good guy just for wanting something. And your sister was then convinced this was something you were desperate for and thought she'd treat you to them, and now she's the enemy?

Well he can buy you a pair too then
He sounds insecure and annoying
How lovely that your sister thought about all of you

He lost his chance

He can come up with something even better maybe

How many years has he been promising?

I had 3 years of telling dp I'd like the Oliver! cd as a present and him complaining each Christmas and birthday that he didn't know what to get me.

I suspect your husband feels a bit embarrassed and guilty.

More noteworthy than who bought the shoes is the fact that no-one has mentioned £500 on shoes being a waste of money. Is this not MN or have I stumbled in to some parallel universe?!

Try as I might to see his point of view I cant.
If he could afford them why didn't he buy them?
No he's a twat.
Tell him he can buy you a second pair of a dress to go with them.

I bet where he's coming from.

I had similar happen to me. My dh always wanted to do a particular experience & I was going to arrange it for a big birthday coming up. One of our friends gave it to him for Christmas. He was over the moon & couldn't stop talking about it for weeks after awards.

While I was thrilled to see him so happy, our friends spoiled it by taking this away from me iukwim

He is a nob. He shouldn't keep promising to do something then fail to follow through. If he can afford them it's a bit of a poor show to keep saying for years that he's going to get them for you.

It could be a rather passive aggressive dig at him, but it also could just be that your sister wanted to do something lovely for you. It's not really about him is it?

He should have bought them years ago then!
Tell him to wind his neck in and buy you a handbag to match instead.
Petulant man-child.

Too right!
He's being a twat, he could have bought you those shoes long ago and didn't do it.

If it is a dig from your sister so what, she has seized the moment and got you a fabulous gift.

Hate people like this
If he is so put out then he should have brought them sooner.

for years though my husband has been promising to get them for me and has mentioned this to me and to my sister

He's being a little immature but I can see why he's upset. This was something lovely that he wanted to do for you and she has stolen his thunder.

For YEARS!!! how long should the OP wait to save his feelings?

HIBU immature and jealous.
He’s had plenty of time and opportunity.
Thank your sister and tell your husband to get over himself.
Jesus.

I also don’t get the whole promising to do something for years and not doing so then getting pissed when someone else does it instead.

He's being ridiculous, don't let him spoil them for you!

It’s not a dig!
Seriously your sister knows that as soon as you and DH have saved £500, there will always be something (better) to spend it on!
But if your DH does have the money, then maybe he’s embarrassed because he keeps lying about wanting to get them for you but also annoyed that someone stole his thunder. He should be pleased you have an amazing sister.

He says he thinks she is making a dig at him by buying something for me that he always wanted to buy me
No. It just so happened that she found herself in a position where she could buy you something that was just for you that would make you feel great- and it also happens to be a gift just for you post birth

it is her way of shaming him for not buying it sooner
He alone owns his feelings. She isn't making him feel anything.
HE feels ashamed. HIS male pride has been dented.
He can damn well own that instead of projecting onto your sister.

How long has he known about your desire to own a pair of Laboutins?
If he'd wanted to, he could have squirreled away a few pound each month to 'surprise' you one day?
You've bought plenty of 'joint' things...
That thought wasn't there in his head.
He sees this as 'competition'...idiot!

It was in your sisters head because she was thinking of it from an emotional level,whether she saved up for it or used her last wage...i bet she was like "OMG! I'm sooo gonna do this for her cos i know what a buzz it's gonna give her!"

Tell him to stop pissing all over your sunshine!

Was he ever going to get them?
He should shut up.

Even if she were being very expensively passive-aggressive, he could have prevented that by buying you the shoes he's been promising for years.

He could always go one better to make him feel good about himself again - have you ever considered a handbag? Not a common or garden Mulberry, that wouldn't overshadow your sister enough, obviously; Hermes is rather nice...

Well, either she is or isn't making a subtle dig at him but either way, he's being unreasonable.

Scenario 1 - she's not making a dig at all but just knows that you've always wanted these shoes and she wants to treat you after you've just had a baby. He needs to chill out.

Scenario 2 - she knows you've always wanted these and was pleased that your husband was going to buy them for you. However, now, after many years of him NOT buying them, and you meanwhile having two children, she's decided that if he's not going to do it, she bloody well will because she thinks you deserve them. In which case he also needs to get over himself because he has brought this on himself.

Rather cynically, I'd also be interested in how often he promises things but doesn't deliver happen?

I'm also interested in the fact that as family there is clearly sufficient money to buy you fancy shoes but you apparently don't have access to that cash. So I have to wonder if your sister also thinks its unfair that you have to get his permission or active participation to buy something. But this could also just be me being over cynical after years on social media, MN and RL where I watch women do all the domestic and childcare work and yet struggle to pay for a meal out while their husbands are swanning around doing expensive hobbies and popping overseas 3 times a year with the boys....