DD’s boyfriend banished from family home due to cough

[HildegardeCrowe]

Posting here for traffic. My student daughter is home with me for the foreseeable. Her uni boyfriend has gone home to his family. BF has developed a cough and his father has basically banished him from the family home (no elderly/vulnerable there) and told him to go back to the student house indefinitely. The dad called him whilst he was at work earlier and he’s not even being allowed home to pick up some things.

The dad is self-employed and obviously worried about getting ill himself and losing money (no excuse). I feel like telling the lad to come and stay with me and DD but know I can’t. But he’ll be all alone in the student house and won’t be able to get out to buy food. I’m a fixer and want to help, what should I do?

The dad is doing the perfect thing? The son is out at work with a cough, dad has told him to go and self isolate. Genuinely cannot see the problem? Nobody is on their high horse, do you not understand it’s a matter of life and death? He isolates, as he should be..?

Yes, the boy's Dad is textbook perfect. He's been paying attention and behaving responsibly.

i would absolutely make him part of our household. I would make him isolate and follow all the rules but I would not want anyone we cared about to be alone whilst ill and his dad sounds like a horrible man

A lot of highly irresponsible (and downright idiotic) advice been given to the OP here.

HildegardeCrowe Wed 25-Mar-20 11:41:20
I can’t believe the vitriol of some posters. Get off your fucking high horses

Stupidity and selfishness will kill.

My DS is at uni and, although he is home now, there is loads of advice and support for students who remain at uni; this young man needs to use his initiative and stay away. (Some) young people only want to be independent when it suits themselves.

That’s absolutely disgusting that! Regardless of being self employed, he’s basically abandoned his son to his fate.
I think if it were me, that would be the end of our relationship. I’m disgusted.

My DS's boyfriend is self isolating in his uni halls and being very well supported by the uni. I have considered having him self isolate here with us but have decided against it as DH thinks its too much pressure on a young relationship to be in a 'living together scenario and I kind of agree. I do feel a bit guilty but they are grown up and seem to be handling things pretty well. I would suggest not having him at your house for the time being but look again in a couple weeks if they are struggling.

@Seeyou

have the same situation. My DD has had to come home when her travel plans changed. Her BF that she planned to go with has left his flat.She was desperate for him to come here , at least to visit. He has been pretty isolated , no symptoms at all. So I said he could. BUT I have an elderly relative that lives with me and she is very upset with me.Carers come every day here for her.
Big house , easy not to interact. I am torn trying to keep everyone happy.
And Hill feel shit if anyone gets sick. Although I and DH are probably more of a risk due to previous travel.

Your behaviour is appalling. Your elderly relative must be worried sick.
Just to appease your daughter.

PinkiOcelot Wed 25-Mar-20 12:52:05
That’s absolutely disgusting that! Regardless of being self employed, he’s basically abandoned his son to his fate.
I think if it were me, that would be the end of our relationship. I’m disgusted.

Yes, it is completely 'disgusting' that a young adult should be asked to self-isolate in order to save the lives of others.

So we leave elderly relatives to self-isolate but god forbid a 20 year old man?

i would absolutely make him part of our household. I would make him isolate and follow all the rules but I would not want anyone we cared about to be alone whilst ill and his dad sounds like a horrible man

Do you have access to the news? Making him isolate is useless - he'd be living under the same roof as the Op, who works in a medical practice. So, in close contact with ill, vulnerable, and possibly immunocompromised patients.

This is insane. Why isn't the advice getting through?
As another pp said, is it really the case that some women will risk death so that a man doesn't need to be inconvenienced for a few days?

Ok, I agree with you that say I shouldn't have let the BF stay. And unfortunately , they are not teenagers but in their 20s. Not in UK but situation here is similar.
Just to clarify , he had been alone for 10 days and has had no symptoms. Looks like he will actually be joining the household , not just a visitor. And I am not the only one in the house that can make these decisions.
Complicated relationship with relative.I would prefer if THEY were not here ! but refused any alternative.
So hard to juggle everyone's needs and stay safe at same time.
But I am prepared for a kicking on here ! And it is OK .

Why is the boyfriend going to work when he has a cough, FFS!

Jesus wept. No. He'll cope in his student house. The rules apply to you.

And @Seeyou seriously? You put your DDs wanting to see her boyfriend over the life of your elderly relative?

I would encourage him to move in. Any germs your DD has too, so not greater risk.

I would encourage him to move in. Any germs your DD has too, so not greater risk.

Do you people bother to watch the news or no? Just out of interest?

Oh God. Oncemore that is totally wrong. This is why we NEED PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND VIRAL LOAD.
The daughter may already have contracted it from him. Her body’s immune system will be fighting it. If she is exposed further, to his or anyone else’s germs IT MAKES IT MORE LIKELY THAT SHE WILL GET IT.
Christ, I hope the Daily Mail takes up this issue of viral load. There’s no other way of getting it into people’s heads.

I’m so worried seeing all the people here don’t see the issue with him coming to stay. They seem to think the issues stop at that household. But the OP said she works at a medical centre so will potentially taking the virus to work every day, where elderly, sick and vulnerable will go. They will then take it home to their families and so on... you see? Just think of the knock on.

Just because the OP’s daughter may have been exposed, doesn’t mean they should bring a symptomatic person into the house!

The man should isolate for seven days and if he is then not symptomatic, then he can come and stay.

I don’t know how else to explain it to people. Every journey, every person, every exposure is a risk. Thats we should be staying at home and not mingling with anyone not in our i households...

@OverUnderSidewaysDown I agree. It’s driving me crazy that people can’t or perhaps won’t understand anything.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/news.sky.com/story/amp/coronavirus-what-is-viral-load-and-why-does-it-matter-for-covid-19-11963393

A British Woman has died from CV in Cape Verde. Her husband has tested negative. As did many on the cruise ships.

It isn't a given that a partner will have it.

"is it really the case that some women will risk death so that a man doesn't need to be inconvenienced for a few days?"

Yes it is and now a 21 year old, who had no health issues has died in the UK, i hope parents guide and do the right thing by their adult children and everyone in their household.

I would let him stay. In all likelihood they will have infected each other already.

A British Woman has died from CV in Cape Verde.

There are no hospitals in Cape Verde so that doesn't surprise me.

I pray once this is over that they start offering people brain transplants for free. Because there are a hell of a lot of people that need one going by this thread