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Original poster

DD’s boyfriend banished from family home due to cough

125 replies

HildegardeCrowe · 25/03/2020 09:53

Posting here for traffic. My student daughter is home with me for the foreseeable. Her uni boyfriend has gone home to his family. BF has developed a cough and his father has basically banished him from the family home (no elderly/vulnerable there) and told him to go back to the student house indefinitely. The dad called him whilst he was at work earlier and he’s not even being allowed home to pick up some things.

The dad is self-employed and obviously worried about getting ill himself and losing money (no excuse). I feel like telling the lad to come and stay with me and DD but know I can’t. But he’ll be all alone in the student house and won’t be able to get out to buy food. I’m a fixer and want to help, what should I do?

OP posts:
Etinox · 25/03/2020 11:06

@Seeyou
You are behaving incredibly irresponsibly

Pastaforall · 25/03/2020 11:13

If he cared about his gf he would refuse the offer anyway surely. He might be ok with it but you or your daughter might not. We need to contain this virus not willingly spread it we are going to hit a point of not having enough ventilators and do you want to take that one risk? He’s 20 and I’m sure somewhere near him will deliver to his doorstep.

JockTamsonsBairns · 25/03/2020 11:16

You work in a medical practice, and are actually considering flouting the current advice on stopping the spread of this virus?
This is exactly why it's spreading at the rate it is, and it's exactly why people are dying.

Honestly, I'm really starting to understand why so many people are getting angry on these threads.

Devlesko · 25/03/2020 11:17

You can appeal to his parents, that's about all you can do.

Winterwoollies · 25/03/2020 11:20

You can’t possibly invite him to stay. For heaven’s sake, why aren’t people understanding?

He’s 20. It’s terrible what his family have done to him, but he can stay in electronic touch while he isolates for seven days.

This is why we’re in such a mess.

mumwon · 25/03/2020 11:20

get him on zoom or other & dd talk to bf daily - send food parcels (dried milk, dried soup (use as sauce!) tea coffee etc wait for incubation period he cannot travel using public transport & you cannot go & get him especially that distance. Its possible that his family maybe supporting him at distance too - you don't know - for everybody else the dd in these circumstances maybe the only person able to work to support the family - if he catches it that could literally render them homeless - difficult situation

notmycuppa · 25/03/2020 11:26

Good call op! He will be fine. My ds has been left with all his mates games consoles to mind as they flew home and couldn't take them.. I think he will have square eyes when we see him next!!

AmIAWeed · 25/03/2020 11:26

Is it at all possible, if you have a driveway and a caravan for him to stay in that?
You can drop supplies at the door, he remains isolated (Assuming hes well enough to drive direct with no stops)
Its all well and good people saying get online deliveries but they simply arent there. I have disabled staff not given priority slots, how the heck is a young fit 20 year old going to get one?

FortheloveofJames · 25/03/2020 11:27

Sorry OP just seen that you said you work in a medical practice- that changes everything. I just a assumed you were staying home on lockdown. You come into contact with vulnerable and unwell people in your job. You can’t have him in then.

loobyloo1234 · 25/03/2020 11:29

Seriously? He's 20 years old. Hes not 12. Why do people not get this? He is an adult. He can order food and cook for himself unless he is in a terrible state?

Do not let him stay at yours. That is exactly how this virus spreads

Ragwort · 25/03/2020 11:32

Of course he shouldn’t come to your home, and Seeyou I can’t believe you are allowing your DD’s BF to visit when you have a vulnerable adult in your home, totally irresponsible, your DD needs to learn some empathy. Many doctors and nurses are living away from their loved ones to care for patients, your DD needs to get a serious grip if she is so ‘desperate’ to see her BF - and yes, I do have a teenager myself and know how obsessed they can be over their first serious relationships. But they need to understand that now is not the time to only think of themselves.

blueshoes · 25/03/2020 11:35

I thought you were talking about a toddler. Actually he is 20 years old.

Is your brain made of cottonwool?

brassbrass · 25/03/2020 11:35

WTF is wrong with his family? Just when you think you've heard everything on here.

Isolation is 7-14 days depending on how mild/severely he gets it. Hopefully he is in the young group that process it quickly.

With support he can manage a few days on his own. Yes to Skype calls and food parcels so he feels cared for. I wouldn't over dramatise his family's behaviour he's probably already feeling bad enough. Just support him as much as you can without endangering others.

TorkTorkBam · 25/03/2020 11:36

Women do not have to put their lives at risk and the lives of others at risk so that a man can avoid being a bit uncomfortable for a few days.

Hilde stop treating a grown adult like a particularly stupid young child. If I were him I would be insulted by your clucking and risk taking.

DeeCeeCherry · 25/03/2020 11:39

Having read several posts on here from frantic parents whose sons (and yes it does seem to be sons in the posts I've seen) are refusing to isolate themselves as much as possible in the family home and follow any kind of hygiene procedures, I'd say there's more to this if the dad is actually kicking him out

DP is 65 with an underlying condition, self-isolating as per guidelines, lives with his 20 year old son who will NOT just stay the fuck home, hence is causing DPs anxiety levels to go through the roof.

I think your DDs BF dad has taken extreme measures OP but you absolutely don't know the full story here, even if you think you do. So be cautious. Why on earth did he think it was OK to go to work when he has a cough?!

Tbh I like DPs son but if he developed cough/symptoms and DP told him to get out (I know he wouldn't do that tho) God forgive me at this moment in time I wouldn't care. I am stunned by the selfishness.

Then he'd be out there telling people 'Dad threw me out because I have a cough' for sure

blueshoes · 25/03/2020 11:41

Women do not have to put their lives at risk and the lives of others at risk so that a man can avoid being a bit uncomfortable for a few days.

Yes, that same thought did occur to me that OP is over-invested in smoothing men's lives.

Original poster
HildegardeCrowe · 25/03/2020 11:41

I can’t believe the vitriol of some posters. Get off your fucking high horses

OP posts:
SunFleck · 25/03/2020 11:44

No! Don't let him stay with you. Do you not realise how ill you can get with COVID? There are people much younger that you being admitted to hospital because they can't breathe and are having immune reactions so strong that they start organ failure and the hospitals in Italy are having to decide who to treat. The news says we are two weeks behind Italy. We are ramping up infection numbers atm so stay away from him. It's crazy that you are are considering inviting a coughing person into your home.

DowntownAbby · 25/03/2020 11:45

He needs to stay where he is, or go back to where he was (student accommodation), NOT join another household, be that in a bloody caravan, tent, or a fucking teepee.

We are royally fucked if we think we're going to control the spread of CV. with the stupidity being displayed.

Thread after thread after thread of MNers telling us why the rules don't apply to their scenario and why they themselves have decided that this or that is allowed or 'essential'.

I can guarantee people will respond to this post with 'stop being rude' or some such quip. Well I just don't give a fuck anymore. People politely pointing others to the government instructions/orders are met with ignorance. If it takes being aggressive about it to get the facts into some thick skulls then so be it.

We are going to be faced with tens if not hundreds of thousands of dead before long if people don't wake up.

I despair. I really do.

MitziK · 25/03/2020 11:54

He's a grown up. He'll manage without a parent, substitute parent or other woman to take care of his problems. Sounds like his father has done all he could to try and convince him not to go out, but he wouldn't be told, so has to deal with the consequences of his actions now by staying in his student accommodation for a few days.

Apart from the Do Not Go Out/travel instructions, you work in a medical practice. You absolutely cannot endanger the doctors in your practice by indulging this wish to rescue him.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 25/03/2020 11:55

If you want to "fix" then look on his university website for their Covid advice, they should have a contact number for students with Covid or self-isolating. There may not be much direct support for students not living on campus but it may be a route to help.

Cosmodian · 25/03/2020 11:55

@DowntownAbby

Agreed

Tootletum · 25/03/2020 11:59

@HildegardeCrowe You sound like a lovely normal person. I think though that it's no worth the fallout, as you can see from all the unnecessary vitriol.. He only needs to isolate for seven days, just have him come and stay after that.

blueshoes · 25/03/2020 12:00

Well said, Downtown Abbey.

Not rude at all and in fact restrained considering the tide of ignorance and defensiveness when said ignorance is pointed out.

Permissionimpossible · 25/03/2020 12:04

Seriously? He's 20 years old. Hes not 12. Why do people not get this? He is an adult. He can order food and cook for himself unless he is in a terrible state?
Come on op, people aren’t on their high horses, they are frightened and everyday there’s someone thinking the rules don’t apply to them .
His own family have done the right thing as harsh as it may seem.