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Original poster

DD’s boyfriend banished from family home due to cough

125 replies

HildegardeCrowe · 25/03/2020 09:53

Posting here for traffic. My student daughter is home with me for the foreseeable. Her uni boyfriend has gone home to his family. BF has developed a cough and his father has basically banished him from the family home (no elderly/vulnerable there) and told him to go back to the student house indefinitely. The dad called him whilst he was at work earlier and he’s not even being allowed home to pick up some things.

The dad is self-employed and obviously worried about getting ill himself and losing money (no excuse). I feel like telling the lad to come and stay with me and DD but know I can’t. But he’ll be all alone in the student house and won’t be able to get out to buy food. I’m a fixer and want to help, what should I do?

OP posts:
CoralFish · 25/03/2020 10:33

The dad called him whilst he was at work earlier and he’s not even being allowed home to pick up some things

Why is he at work if he has got a cough? Sounds like he is not following Government advice. Is this why his father has taken such drastic action?

bluebell34567 · 25/03/2020 10:33

follow your brain not your heart.

Embracelife · 25/03/2020 10:33

Help him by arranging a delivery to his house if you must. But dont bring a cough to infect you !

Thehop · 25/03/2020 10:33

Get him a Morrison’s food box delivered via dpd.

They’re £35 and contain a weeks food for 2 adults and home home essentials.

teafourtoo · 25/03/2020 10:35

Could he isolate at his uni house for 7 day then come stay with you? Ot are you worried about him being alone while he's sick?

Krong · 25/03/2020 10:36

I really don't think it's that dramatic. Plenty of 20 year olds move to halls over summer, or stay around during Christmas basically on their own.

If I was a 20 year lad with no other commitments apart from a bit of reading and scratching my balls all day I'd love it. Don't be overbearing, leave him to it.

ukgift2016 · 25/03/2020 10:36

He is a 20 year old man! How do you think elderly people cope who are home alone isolating? Psssh.

Krong · 25/03/2020 10:37

Could he isolate at his uni house for 7 day then come stay with you? Ot are you worried about him being alone while he's sick?

No he can't. There is a law in place. Even after 7 days you could still have it with very mild or no symptoms. It's time we put each other first and suffer a few weeks of loneliness for the sake of people staying alive.

viques · 25/03/2020 10:40

By going to work with a cough he has already shown complete disregard for other people's safety and health. Why would you want to ask him into your home where he is likely to continue to ignore advice about self isolation.

ChikiTIKI · 25/03/2020 10:41

Don't assume you would be fine because you are 62. People in their forties are in intensive care fighting for their lives due to this virus, with no underlying health conditions.

Mlou32 · 25/03/2020 10:42

@HildegardeCrowe You can't have him come and live with you. If he has symptoms, he has to self isolate. The empty student flat is the perfect place for this. Please, please follow the rules. People saying "aw we'll just make this one exception" is why this thing is going to thousands of people.

Please adhere to the rules. Please. I ask you as both a nurse and as a person who has a very immunocompromised best friend who has just successfully battled for a year through chemo and a stem cell transplant. She is calling me daily, in tears that all these people flouting the rules here and there is going to contribute to her dying from this thing, despite her best efforts to keep herself safe.

Please adhere to the rules. I am in disbelief that you are even thinking of going against government advice. Why do you think you are exempt?

teafourtoo · 25/03/2020 10:43

@krong

You can leave the house 7 days after having symptoms.

How long should he isolate then?

OverUnderSidewaysDown · 25/03/2020 10:45

Please don't let him come. Don't fall victim to the thinking that your DD may already have it because she's been exposed to it through living with him. She may have been; but as explained on the thread about Viral load you will increase her chances of getting it if you increase her exposure to him - even if she has it already, her body will be fighting it. By exposing again, you undo that and she will get it. Please see the Viral load thread this is so important and people don't understand it!

Mlou32 · 25/03/2020 10:45

Also just because you are 62 doesn't mean you would be fine. There is currently a 36 year old frontline nurse fighting for her life on a ventilator in and intensive care unit in Walsall, who has no underlying health conditions. Two other medics in England are also in ITU, ventilated and are thought to have contracted it in the line of duty.

This may sound harsh but it's true and people need to hear it. You and people like you, not following the rules, will be personally responsible for peoples deaths.

lottiegarbanzo · 25/03/2020 10:46

He has a cough, yet he's at work. How is that? That is not the action of a responsible person. Don't invite irresponsibility into your home.

He's a 20 year-old man, on average the youngest and fittest of all adults. He'll manage. He can order himself a Morrisons box just as easily as you can.

Of course your dd should stay in touch - the biggest concern, if he's alone in the house, would be that if something does go wrong, no-one would notice. She can ensure that possibility is avoided.

Original poster
HildegardeCrowe · 25/03/2020 10:47

Thanks for all the advice. I work in a medical practice and have also spoken to a couple of doctors and they’ve said he shouldn’t come and stay but that he can go home after 7 days of self-isolating. I hope his dad lets him come home.

OP posts:
TorkTorkBam · 25/03/2020 10:54

You work in a medical practice and you wanted to invite a non-family member with a cough to come and live with you because you don't like the idea of him being in isolation? Are you on glue?

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 25/03/2020 10:55

The boyfriend should not be at work with a cough, he should be self isolating, and the student flat is therefore the perfect place for him to do this. He is not your responsibility, he has a father who can either leave his clothes etc on the doorstop for his son to collect, or the father can deliver his stuff to him at the student flat along with some food. The fact the boyfriend is working with a cough suggests he is either selfish or thick, not the ideal qualities in a potentially infected houseguest. I hope your DD and you are self isolating too as your daughter could be infected or a carrier.

NC4Now · 25/03/2020 10:56

Best you can do is order him an online food shop for now. If you can't get a supermarket slot, see if there are any local markets or independent shops doing delivery. There are loads in my area.

Butterymuffin · 25/03/2020 10:59

Order him food online - through Just Eat or similar if you can't get a supermarket delivery. But you need to leave him where he is to self isolate for now. And he can't go to work anyway. His dad is awful but nothing you can do about that for now.

Embracelife · 25/03/2020 11:00

...but surely at 20 he can order himself.?

AgentJohnson · 25/03/2020 11:00

The rules on self isolating are very clear, you should know this given where you work. People need to get a bloody grip,

There are refugees in intolerable conditions around the world but an otherwise healthy 20 year old, who has a place where he can self isolate for a relatively short period of time has been possibly going around infecting people has your sympathies.

If his father got sick, he could be at best, be up a financial shits creek. Your DD’s boyfriend is the selfish one here and people like him are the reason that these measures have been put in place.

1forsorrow · 25/03/2020 11:00

Just to let people know that Morrisons don't seem to be taking anymore orders for their boxes at the moment. Don't know if that is nationwide or just where I live.

When Boris said order a delivery of food on Monday night I thought it was a bit of a Maire Antoinette moment because there don't seem to be any deliveries available where I live, perhaps it is different in London?

AgentJohnson · 25/03/2020 11:02

It appears your DD’s BF’s selfish idiocy has already spread.

PlanDeRaccordement · 25/03/2020 11:03

He’d have to give up working anyway because he’s developed a CV symptom of a cough.
You don’t know for a fact that there is no one vulnerable at his parents house. I have a DC at uni and would be in U.K. very high risk category if we lived in U.K. If my DC developed signs of CV and I could not isolate them in my home, I’d tell them to go isolate in their student housing too.

Of course, I’d have someone check up on them and ensure they could get food and necessities.
It is your choice to invite a person who probably has the virus into your home, but don’t make snap judgements. Just because you are low risk do not assume other parents are also low risk.

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