Or not? Friend wants me to go to supermarket with her?

[tanff]

My friend asked me if tomorrow I would go food shopping with her as she is scared.
She has bad anxiety and is terrified of this coronavirus.
I have enough shopping and plan to order one for two weeks from now.
I care for my 98 year old gran (who lives a 3 min walk and I see nobody )
I don't want to go to the supermarket just incase but if I don't go my friend won't be able to go alone.
I don't know what to do.

Her anxiety is probably underlying and she's concentrating on corona because that's an acceptable worry right now. She could well have something like agoraphobia and been struggling for a long time hence needing to go to three places.

A word on looking after your nan. It’s not necessarily about you seeing people on your three minute walk...

Please think about what you touch. Do you or your nan live in a flat with a communal door? Do you take any flights of steps where you touch a railing? Do you go the supermarket and touch a trolley? Obviously you need to look after her, but please be aware of where the danger is and make sure to wear gloves if you can and wash your hands!

@Youwonjane it's a communal block of flats.
I use a fob to get in
I've been opening the communal door with my foot and walking stairs instead of lift.
Then using hand santizer straight away then washing hands moment I'm in the flat

Just be super careful - it’s so tough - we have been getting shopping for my parents who are in their 70s and we literally drop to the door, leave it and they pick up with gloves (and I think spray the bag - though not sure that’s advisable).

I’m usually so super lax about germs in the “normal world” but it’s so important to be careful

No OP, whilst I sympathise with your friend you have to think of yourself and gran. You have your own responsibilities to stay well and she shouldn't be asking this of you. I hope she can sort out another option, please don't feel this is on your shoulders.

But as for your friend - as nicely as possible - her anxiety won’t kill her, but you adding jist one extra journey to your day increases your risk to your nan. There are other options

No don’t go, I had to tell a friend I couldn’t take her to a&e with her minor injury because I really can’t afford to risk my health ( heart and respiratory problems). Any other time I would have done it quite happily but sometimes you have to put yourself and your family first.

Your friend is going to have to manage I am afraid and I wouldn't advise FaceTime either..she shouldn't really be using her phone out and about unless essential and then disinfecting afterwards, and she needs to concentrate on her surroundings. You being there will not protect her in any way. I would advise her to stick to one supermarket only if possible.

Ps wishing you and your gran the best through all this, well done taking such good care of her

her anxiety won't kill her

People end their lives every day because they "just" have anxiety or depression. You do not know this persons circumstances.

She has bad anxiety and is terrified of this coronavirus.

And she’s an expert manipulator. WTF? You care for a vulnerable old lady but her stupid anxiety means that it’s ok for you to risk transmitting the virus to your 98 year old granny?

Her own boyfriend won’t go shopping with her because, you say, he ‘doesn’t want to risk it’. It’s forbidden to meet friends in any event. So why is she haranguing you to break that rule? Because it’s what SHE wants and to hell with everyone else?

I don’t know why posters are making excuses for her. She needs to grow up and realise that she’s not a special exception to the rules.

What will she be doing if your 98 year old granny picks up Coronavirus from your trips to the supermarket and bank in her company? Why, sitting around whining about her anxiety and how everything is affecting her and how awful it is for her, of course!

My friend does go out on her own most of the time except when her boyfriend takes her.
She's just terrified of catching this.

her fear doesn’t trump your safety.

This. It is unfair of her to ask you to put yourself and others at risk in this way.

No.
Don't go.
It sucks to have anxiety (trust me, I know) but you don't have to go there. Especially if you have a vulnerable family member!!

Just seen your update
She wants me to go to bank then two supermarkets in town.
I just don't feel safe
Just no.
If she needs to go then fair enough, but it's nonsensical for you to tag along too if you don't need to.

Hopefully she realises I would do anything for anybody but I can't risk this.
My dad is 73 too and I drop shopping at his place
He is fit as a fiddle but I want to keep it that way.

Do you think if I pop out there's a chance il catch it?

Yes. This is why the advice is STAY AT HOME.

Your friend is going to have to woman up and go by herself.

The walk I do every day is only a few mins long and i walk the quiet way.
Is this going to be ok?
I'm so paranoid

I am just watching, right now, the government public information film on after Newsnight. Chris Whitty, chief medical officer, says 'Do not meet people not in your household, even if they're friends or family'. There you have it.

@Becca19962014 sorry but in this instance semantics are important. I’m not saying it’s “just anxiety” but going to the shop on your own isn’t something recorded on a death certificate.

Do you think if I pop out there's a chance il catch it?

Hopefully she realises I would do anything for anybody

Oh, she knows. Why else is she trying to get you to put your elderly family members at risk so that she gets to indulge her ‘anxiety’ and get you dancing to her tune?

She needs to deal with it, however she can, on her own. Lots of people are in a similar situation, many with physical vulnerabilities that could kill them if they catch CV. Not to mention, if you are caught together in defiance of the new restrictions, you'll both be in trouble & I imagine that won't be helpful for her anxiety either.

I'm worried too. I use my elbow to open door handles, or push them open with my bum or foot. I don't touch anything when I'm out, except things I am buying, & I only pay by contactless if possible. I don't touch my face with my hands if I'm out, & I take a small tube of liquid soap in my bag for handwashing. I wash all fruit & veg, & only buy bagged right now (usually buy the loose stuff & get a paper bag). DH has agoraphobia - he needs to get out every day, even when I'm unwell (I'm disabled) or he starts to decline with it & then we'll both be screwed. People need to learn to cope with this. We just do.

The bank? You can do most things on banking phone apps these days.

You're a good, kind person, tanff. You can't take your friend shopping, if you could order some things for her that might help* or pick up a few bits if you do find you have to go out to a shop but no more than that.

Could she get a cab there and call another to take her home? There are a few possibilities but you can't put your own health at risk to help your friend and at the moment, you're doing everything to prevent infection. Keep it up.

*she could order for herself online, surely?

No no no no no. Don’t do it.

If your gran gets it you will blame yourself and regret it. It’s not worth the risk.

Oh and her boyfriends not wanting to help her so you have to. Er no fuck that. She has a boyfriend.

She’ll just need to find a coping strategy to get round the shops herself if she can’t get online shopping arranged, and pay by card rather than by money from the bank. Perhaps she could shop in a local small shop if she’s more confident with that even?
She needs to understand that times have changed. We are stronger than we think we are. Sometimes we need to push out of our comfort zone. This situation will stay for months. Don’t make a rod for your back.

If you could take her a few bits to help her that would be nice. Stand outside. 2m away from her. Out the shopping down and stand back. Don’t hand it to her, that’s too close.