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AIBU?

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Or not? Friend wants me to go to supermarket with her?

118 replies

tanff · 24/03/2020 21:51

My friend asked me if tomorrow I would go food shopping with her as she is scared.
She has bad anxiety and is terrified of this coronavirus.
I have enough shopping and plan to order one for two weeks from now.
I care for my 98 year old gran (who lives a 3 min walk and I see nobody )
I don't want to go to the supermarket just incase but if I don't go my friend won't be able to go alone.
I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Procrastination4 · 24/03/2020 22:19

Don’t go. You owe it to your own family and your gran to keep safe. If she needs to go shopping she’s going up have to get over herself and get out to the shops. How is your presence going to keep her safe? Politely but firmly refuse.

Procrastination4 · 24/03/2020 22:20

You are advised to limit the amount of time you’re outside. She’s asking FAR too much of you. Don’t feel guilty refusing.

MrsSnitchnose · 24/03/2020 22:23

I'd say no too, what with the new measures and your Gran. Also, two shops and the bank isn't a small journey. Couldn't she bank online?

SnakePlant · 24/03/2020 22:24

I know she is scared but her fear doesn’t trump your safety. The situation is just too dangerous to be going out to give someone moral support. It’s too much to ask and very selfish.

Wattagoose90 · 24/03/2020 22:24

Agree, don't go. Only go when you need essential items.

Lots of local butchers/farm shops etc are offering delivery. Have a look at what's available in your area.

TheReluctantCountess · 24/03/2020 22:24

You shouldn’t do it. It’s admirable that you want to help her, but it’s too risky.

HollowTalk · 24/03/2020 22:27

If you do, you're sacrificing your granny's life for your friend.

SewItGoes · 24/03/2020 22:28

She might not like it, but she can manage without you. It's selfish of her to ask, knowing that she's potentially exposing you (and by extension your grandmother) to unnecessary risk.

The FaceTime suggestion is a good compromise.

anothernotherone · 24/03/2020 22:34

Why on earth is she asking you to go to two supermarkets and a bank? That's not normal behavior.

Those Morrison's boxes sound like the solution.

POP7777777 · 24/03/2020 22:36

No. She has to do it on her own. She can speak to you on the phone throughout but you mustn't go.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 24/03/2020 22:39

You're not allowed to go out for that. We are all in lockdown. That means no going out unless it's absolutely essential.

Cornishclio · 24/03/2020 22:42

Direct quote from Boris yesterday. If your friend asks you to meet you say no. Anxiety is awful but this is not going to go away quickly so she needs to find a way to deal with the awful situation we are all in. You are a carer for a vulnerable adult though and as such you need to take particular care. That means no additional food shopping trips. If she has not got anyone else and cannot get an online delivery slot (unsurprising) then maybe she should go to a corner shop or a farm shop. Stress on her the need to wear gloves, maintain social distancing and to wash her hands immediately on her return and not touch her face. In other words follow the official advice rather than ask you to directly disobey it. Or she could go on to her local facebook volunteer site and see if someone there will pick up her shopping for her.

Yeafortwo · 24/03/2020 22:42

Add her stuff into your next on-line shop but no don't go with her.

BumbleBeee69 · 24/03/2020 22:43

Can't she give you her list and you do the shopping for her?

Fuck NO ?!

Livelovebehappy · 24/03/2020 22:43

What does she normally do? Can’t think that she has just developed anxiety on the back of corona virus, so how does she normally do her shop?

Canadianpancake · 24/03/2020 22:46

It's there a local group that's helping vulnerable people in your area. There's lots popping up on FB, you could signpost your friend to one of those to help her.

tanff · 24/03/2020 22:46

Last week I got her some bits when I was doing mine.
Normally her boyfriend takes her but they don't live together and he doesn't want to risk it.
I'm going to ring her in the morning and explain.
The only shop il go in for the next months is my corner shop (over the road )and only for fresh milk.

OP posts:
TorkTorkBam · 24/03/2020 22:47

She's terrified of coronavirus but plans to go to two supermarkets and the bank? Well clearly she is not terrified. Say no. I am surprised you are not angry with her.

tanff · 24/03/2020 22:47

I've managed to get a slot with Asda for next Wednesday.
That's going to have to last me.

OP posts:
PracticallyPeeps · 24/03/2020 22:48

For fuck's sake!

Boris said last night IF YOUR FRIENDS ASK YOU TO MEET UP, SAY NO.

WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO TO GET THIS MESSAGE ACROSS??

TorkTorkBam · 24/03/2020 22:51

You don't have to phone her to explain. She knows why already. Short shrift needed on this one. Brief message to say "Of course not!"

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 24/03/2020 22:51

Don't go, it's important to minimize any potential exposure for your gran.

AutumnRose1 · 24/03/2020 22:52

“ She's terrified of coronavirus but plans to go to two supermarkets and the bank? Well clearly she is not terrified.”

I’m wondering if she just has anxiety about going out rather than the virus or something.

Becca19962014 · 24/03/2020 22:53

All support for mental health has ceased in most if not all areas as if is not seen as "essential medical need" including all support workers that were helping people to get essential needs met. These gaps are not being filled, by anyone. Mental health charities she may have relied upon will be closed as well.

No one here knows what the friend is going through. She could have been under mental health workers who are now indefinitely gone. She could have had a support worker who is also indefinitely gone.

Try a bit of compassion, asking for help when suffering, genuinely suffering with the mental illness that is anxiety is extremely difficult. And no going shopping isn't like usual shopping. I can barely cope going outside because of my mental health in recent days.

Does she have anyone else she can ask? Is the question you need to be asking her, gently, and you need to explain, gently your situation as well, see if you can find someone more suitable in your lives to help her. DO NOT go with how minor her anxiety is, or get a grip type of conversation. This is not a time to be kicking a vulnerable person when they are down.

Think of the anxiety everyone is talking about having because life has changed. Now imagine living with that level of anxiety every single day of your life and multiply it, many many times.

And before anyone asks, people with physical disabilities have found their support stopped too. The advice from Drs and social services is not to bother them but to get "friends and family" to help, even, yes even, if that means being abused because they are not allowed to and there is no one else.

marton4710 · 24/03/2020 22:53

It is tempting to just pop out, but this could be the difference between life and death. Yes it is natural to want to pop out, but just not worth it.

I admit I did not take it seriously at first, but now wild horses won’t get me out.

Not trying to scare you, just we all need to isolate however hard.

Keep safe everyone

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