To wish I didn't have children right now.

[ArtichokeAardvark]

I'm isolating at home (asthmatic) with a toddler and an 8 week old baby. DH is working from home, but because I'm on mat leave it's down to me to take care of the children all day long. My coping mechanism until now for 2-under-2 has been to get out of the house as much as possible but that's obviously now impossible. I'm only just keeping it together, I'm hardly sleeping with a newborn and my toddler is going bananas trapped at home all day long. His tantrums are getting worse and worse, screaming at me that he wants to go to the park, the swings, his grandparents house, anywhere but here. I have no idea how I'm going to cope for months on end.

I love my children, but at the moment I would give anything to be childless. I feel utterly awful thinking this way, but I can't help it. Several of my friends don't have kids and they are spending the lockdown working from home (I miss my job) and then binging movies and drinking wine all evening. I'm so jealous, it's painful.

Someone help me remember that children are worth this, please. I can't talk about this with my husband, he wouldn't get it.

@Steenac74 oh and by the way, I know what it feels like to struggle with fertility. It's not clever to chuck it back in people's faces, you never know the struggle other people may have faced.

Baby in pram, take toddler to a football pitch. Every day till toddler asks to go home.

OP I'm in exactly the same situation as you with a boisterous 2 year old and a 5 week old baby. My husband works in Finance so is ridiculously busy forecasting everything for his company. He's 2nd in command a and his boss has come down with the virus so he's now doing his role too. We are both very very stressed.

Whilst I don't wish I didnt have kids I do wish this virus had happened at any other time other than with a newborn! I can manage the toddler and could probably manage two older children. It's the storm of the 4th trimester coupled with a needy toddler that I'm finding so hard. The lack of sleep plus not being able to go out and let my toddler burn off steam, interact with other kids etc drives me mad at times.

Just take each day as it comes and keep looking forward to the weekend when there will be two of you on hand to deal with the kids. Like other PP have said, make sure your husband takes some time off during the day so he can help. After a week screaming at eachother my DH now blocks out 2hrs per day in his diary to help me. My toddler will also nap for another 2hrs so that's 4hrs I can relax (!) Or spend time with my baby.

Yanbu

Its shite at the moment, utter shite.

But it will come to an end and we will go back to normal.

I have 2 little ones too- an almost 3 year old and a 6 month old and we never ever spend the full day in the house by ourselves. Dh is a key worker and works really long shifts so it is now just the three of us stuck in here.

Im not even taking it a day at a time- its an hour at a time. Ive made a list of a few things we can do to try and break up the monotony and we do some of those.

Ive not really got much else to say- get outside as much as you can. Dd spent 40 minutes playing a game shed made up with a ball today. I had to sit beside her the whole time but it kept her occupied (luckily dd2 was napping at this point). Tv is deffo our friend here too.

Actually @purplemonkeyinabubblegumtree I took huge issue with you saying someone doing fertility treatment should “probably start to realise” that having children isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. I am amazed you actually had fertility struggles yet throw out that condescending old trope that those of us without kids can’t comprehend what it’s like. I hope I also have kids and that I don’t forget how hurtful those with children can be to those without.

And while people are allowed to feel what they feel sometimes this little thing called perspective actually helps. Like knowing that’s not all childless people are having a fantastic time with Netflix and wine, that lots have had their lives turned upside down and it may now be too late to have kids. Or are speared from their DH and family or terrified lonely and alone as high risk for the virus. Maybe that perspective can help the Op realise things are tough but she has a lot to be grateful for.

It would be all bubble baths and dream journalling and long uninterrupted phone calls with old friends and binge watching streamed TV and staying up to the early hours reading books, interspersed with yoga, DVD workouts and singing really badly loud. Some painting. Some crafts. Some cooking. I could start working towards a masters degree and write a science fiction novel.

Not trying to stop small people from killing themselves, me or each other in between dealing with other people's bodily fluids. Parenting can be a bit grim. Why do we do it, eh?

@AnotherMurkyDay brilliant comment !! 🙌

@Lemonpink88

🙌🏽

I really feel for you. Mine are older now and doing a cracking job of just getting on with stuff while I sit on endless video calls. It's not quite a child free idyll but it's not far off. As long as they're fed at regular intervals and the WiFi stays on, they're fine.

I genuinely think it could have broken me if this had happened when they were tiny. One of them was a relentless screecher. I used to wear ear plugs.

This is all a giant ball ache but we need to do it and we will get through it. Hopefully by us doing it a lot more people will get through it which is the thought which will hopefully preserve our sanity. to you all.

Why DO women put up with this shit?!

In my case because the assholeness is new behaviour. When he was going out to work he helped with the kids whenever he could. When ds was born and I had a psychotic break, he looked after both of us for six months.

I should probably demand help but my mental health is pretty abysmal at the moment and I'm scared of causing a fight.

I feel your pain OP, 2.5 & 5yo here. The 2.5 old needs his park trips, playgroups & childminder & now he has none. He also has a speech delay so i'm worried about that as therapy & socialisation has now stopped. He's very different to my eldest & if I take my eye off for 1 minute he will be up to mischief. Trying to school the eldest is difficult as he's constantly distracted & then I need to catch up on my work in the evenings. Also have vulnerable extended family members. My brother & his wife are doing all sorts of diy, exercise classes, hobbies, In so jealous. I dream of being able to organise & sort things.

Completely normal OP.....this is a very trying time, especially for those with children.