To wish I didn't have children right now.

[ArtichokeAardvark]

I'm isolating at home (asthmatic) with a toddler and an 8 week old baby. DH is working from home, but because I'm on mat leave it's down to me to take care of the children all day long. My coping mechanism until now for 2-under-2 has been to get out of the house as much as possible but that's obviously now impossible. I'm only just keeping it together, I'm hardly sleeping with a newborn and my toddler is going bananas trapped at home all day long. His tantrums are getting worse and worse, screaming at me that he wants to go to the park, the swings, his grandparents house, anywhere but here. I have no idea how I'm going to cope for months on end.

I love my children, but at the moment I would give anything to be childless. I feel utterly awful thinking this way, but I can't help it. Several of my friends don't have kids and they are spending the lockdown working from home (I miss my job) and then binging movies and drinking wine all evening. I'm so jealous, it's painful.

Someone help me remember that children are worth this, please. I can't talk about this with my husband, he wouldn't get it.

YANBU, it’s really tough. I have just one DC, a 9 month old here and I’m finding it hard enough. I’m feeling really jealous of my childless friends and want to scream whenever they tell me how bored they are.

Just trying to remember that this is a stressful situation for most people for various reasons, and having children with you at least keeps your mind busy so you aren’t worrying about it all.

You don’t have to apologise OP, what you meant was obvious. The saving grace of tiny babies and toddlers is being able to get out the house, I often went out several times to alleviate the boredom of it. And I totally get what you’re saying, I’d have found lockdown on my own a very different ballgame to what it is now with three kids, I can occupy myself without issue.
Definitely get some stuff for the garden, you’ll use it for years.

Otherwise bowls of soapy water in the garden are a popular pastime. ‘Painting’ the fence. Mud kitchen with some old bowls and spoons. You can make paint for the floor with a recipe I saw on Pinterest.
And don’t forget you can still go for a walk at the moment.

Oh, and get you husband helping from earlier, without question. Mine is upstairs and I don’t really see him all day, but I expect him to be hands on deck from at least 5.30. You’ve got the shitty end of the stick here.

Yep, I'm also struggling. The kids are 5 and 21 months. They can't agree on any one activity. They want constant stimulus and to change activity every 4 minutes. They are on the go from 5am to 11pm at the moment. Dh is working from home and whilst he can multi-task to play computer games with colleagues, this ability doesn't extend to childcare. Which given I never wanted children in the first place but he got broody means that our marriage is rather strained at the moment.

I hadn't realised how much I depended on ds going to preschool and taking dd out a lot to get through the day.

iPad and YouTube kids. On and make own play doh :) I have a 5 yr old in reception a 10 yr old both girls and I'm also working from.home talking to patients. It's hard work I sent youngest to dig weeds out of garden today lol

DH and I have been trying to conceive another child for the last 3 years and I can honestly say, I’ve never been happier not to be pregnant than I am right now. We do still have DS, and I’m worried for him, of course. And I have to admit, lockdown would be easier if we didn’t have him.

I would say a garden (and a trampoline) is a lifesaver! I have a nearly 2 yo. I have got dh at home but as he's a builder, he's getting on with all those jobs around the home builders never seem to have time for in their own homes. I've got 2 older dc who take Lo out on the trampoline, it's really good they do that. I know you don't have that, but I do find it wears the toddler out.

It's hard work and relentless and you have my sympathy. I have a 4 year old and 10 week old. DH is home but he is busy working on the house as it's the ideal time to do it. I feel so trapped. I miss the little routine I had just got into with my baby after dropping 4 yr old to school. I miss seeing my parents, sister and friends who I would see regularly throughout the week. It's so much easier getting the baby to sleep out and about in the car or pram and now his naps have gone to shit and he keeps getting disturbed by my DS.

I said to my DH today that couples without children or grown up kids, this will be so much easier for them.

This whole situation is HUGE. The whole world is affected, we knew about this virus back in January in China but we absolutely had no idea what was coming....

Very unfair to assume the DH isn't working all the time. We have 2dc and DH and I are both working full time at home now, I'm doing at least 14 hours each day as my job is directly linked to the response planning. DH is also working at least his usual hours, often more. The DC are juggled between us as best we can. Lots of people's jobs have quietened down, yes - but lots of us are working like there'll be no tomorrow if we don't.

"They are on the go from 5am to 11pm at the moment. Dh is working from home and whilst he can multi-task to play computer games with colleagues, this ability doesn't extend to childcare. Which given I never wanted children in the first place but he got broody means that our marriage is rather strained at the moment."

Why DO women put up with this shit?!

YANBU. I had to have surgery when I was 34 weeks pregnant with DC2 (DC1 was 2.7), and he was almost 2 months old before I was mobile enough to take them both outside at all. DH had to go to work- emergency services, very long days - and I'm not joking when I say I lost the plot. I remember several occasions when the DV were both crying and all I could do was join in. It was awful and you have my full sympathy.

Do get your DH to help where he can. Even if he makes you and the toddler a packed lunch the night before, and preps the bottles if you're bottle feeding, its something less to think about. Don't worry about screen time. YouTube is your friend, there's virtual storytimes and toddler groups and exercise classes for kids you and the toddler can join in with. Also if your toddler will pretend to be a puppy and play fetch, that amuses my two for ages even though the bigger one is 5. Vent here if you want. Good luck.

I think pretty much every parent in the country is feeling how you do. It is such a weird feeling to be stripped of everything you normally have. Not being able to take the kids to the shop for a treat, a walk to the park etc is going to be hard. I've been jumped on, on here and told to get a grip about it ... But I am worried how this is going to affect my 5 year old after several weeks. It's been a horrible week. Having to bring her home from school Friday not knowing when or if she will ever see her classroom and teacher again. Knowing she's loosing out on class mates parties and mixing with other kids she interacts with makes me worry. I honestly dont know how we will get through this either. The kids are up at 7am. My house is a tip because I have been supervising them more and when I finally go and wash up they trash another room. They are always hungry. It's a long drawn out day.

Yes we will have lots of laughs and playing in the next few months. But some days I'm going to be thinking I can't fucking do this. Our normal life mon-friday is

Up at 7.00am
Ready for school run at 8.00am
On the school run for 8.10am
Home at 9.15am.

Visit my mum
Visit the park
Do jobs at home
Watch soaps
Pop to shops.
Meet friends sometimes.

12pm lunch
2.40pm meet my friend and walk to collect the kids.

3.20pm kids come out of school
4.00pm home
4.30pm cook tea
6.00pm wash up/ reading books/ baths
7.00pm bed

The day was a nice balance. To go from that to not seeing another adult or getting outdoors for much is horrible. I used to walk 4.5 miles a day. Really missing the conversations on the school runs and seeing other adults. I know in a few weeks I'll be down in the dumps.

Op I feel you, I have a 2 year old and a 7 week old. I try and just keep the toddler as busy as I can, she helps me with every meal. I also am not fussy in bribing her with biscuits at the moment. She has free access to her kindle when normally we let her on it once a week or so. (Although she’s not been on it that much still l!) Baby spends time in her bouncer watching us in the kitchen.

DH brings us up a cup of tea and milk for older DD in the morning (he’s done this since second Dd was born any way) so we all stay in bed and watch a bit of Peppa even if toddler is awake it just gives me an extra 20 mins resting whilst I feed her, I would definitely get your DH doing something like this before he goes ‘to work.’

Get on amazon order lots of card and crafting bits, set up a crafting area at the table. I’ve enlisted my toddler to do chores today she scrubbed her little garden bench and tomorrow we are going to repaint it, she also helped me hang the washing out and we did the Joe Wickes PE lesson at 9am on YouTube, worth checking out? Think he’s got other videos on there or maybe doing some kids’ gymnastics in the sitting room whilst baby is on a playmat?

Give her lots of important jobs, my Dd likes sorting the laundry out in to whose whose. They are basically mini busybodies I don’t think they much care what they are doing as long as it is something!

I get it. It's easy to think of all the things you could be doing with enforced free time, but there's very little time with a whingy toddler! Mine is luckily enjoying pottering about so far. I'm bored though, feel bad saying it, but I miss work, and using my brain, and having a bit of 'my' life back after maternity leave.

Still, people are in worse positions. But it's hard.

I feel for you OP, I remember those days well. It’s the reason I’m not having anymore!

Can you get DH to give you a break when he’s finished working? Take a nice hot bath with a glass of wine/book so you can have some quiet time and unwind? Other than that, try to take it one day at a time, you only have to get through today and repeat. Might help prevent you feeling so overwhelmed. Sorry if these have already been suggested (probably) haven’t RTFT.

@ArtichokeAardvark YANBU to feel stressed and pissed off. It's gotta be quite tough to entertain the kids, and especially when your man won't help/can't help!

I don't have kids at home, so don't have to worry about entertaining them. (They've got their own homes with their partners...)

And our parents passed a few years ago.

So we don't have school age kids OR older family members to worry about. It's just me and DH and the cats!

DH has been told that his workplace is closing down temporarily on Thursday, (for 4 weeks,) and he will get 80% pay. I am working from home, and can (fortunately) work what hours I want as I arrange my own workload, and can do 12 hours one day and none the next. I don't have set hours. And only do 25-30 hours anyway.

So this is indeed a good time for people who can work from home, or whose company is closing temporarily, and are getting 80% of their wage, if they DON'T have children at home.

As a few posters have said, it's going to be a month of box sets, gardening, playing video games, sitting in the garden, going for a few walks in the woods, and drinking wine. For people with kids at home however, it's gonna be tough.

You’re allowed to go out to exercise once a day so if you have a local park you don’t think will be busy I’d go there or if you live close to the countryside/field of some kind then go there and let the toddler run off some steam. If toddler has a scooter or trike let them use that too or get a football and kick that around the garden.

I sympathise, my DH is WFH but I’m a college tutor so not currently needed thus I’m teaching my three primary aged DC whilst juggling a one year old and I’m also pregnant. Managing it somehow, just about...

childrern should be allowed to be bored too, its what makes them be creative, reslilients. we live in a society now where kids are entertained all mday long, but constant activites and timetables. boredom is good for kids

Thank you everyone. This is why MN is great - knowing that others are in the same boat or have been through similar. I know full well that everyone is finding this tough and I keep reminding myself it could be so much worse... We moved house last year away from a tiny top floor flat with no outside space. Every time I feel like crying I think how much worse I'd be feeling if we were still there!

I just feel such a terrible mother for wishing I didn't have my kids around, they are making a bad situation so much harder. My baby is FF so I have the additional anxiety about buying formula amidst all the hoarders. And every time my toddler refuses to eat his tea, I think about what a waste of food it is when people are queuing for hours for sold-out groceries and I can't get a delivery slot for love nor money.

YANBU

I have two DS who are both quite severely autistic age 6 and 4 and it's a nightmare. However I have said to my DH that I will end up losing the plot. Although he is self employed he has stopped working (probably would have had to anyway) so we will be doing it together. Maybe your DH needs to take some leave?

YANBU

I'm WFH at the minute with a bored 4 year old who desperately misses her nursery and friends and a 14 month old who is just starting to become confidently mobile.
DD has me tortured to go out and play with her friends in the street or go to the park etc
She misses her grandparents and cousins and there's only so much baking/painting/tidying/Netflix that will keep her entertained long enough for me to get any work done.
DS bums about pulling at anything he can reach so I'm also a part time referee🙄🙄

The days are looooooong.
After tomorrow DH should be home so that will hopefully help but I was ready to cry tonight, it's all so overwhelming.

Given this post was probably borne out of frustration and desperation YANBU in what you say. Your husband should help more and it sounds hard.

But those saying it's definitely so much easier for anyone without kids, please stop and think. This affects every single one of us, none of us really have any idea what others are going through (even people we think we know well, and whatever they may tell us). And even people without may have been struggling to conceive and this situation creates all sort of potential complications and delays there, including added stress affecting fertility.

I have no children with my partner though would have loved the opportunity.

I can completely understand the extra burden on parents at this time (though I know people will leap in to say how can I get it, and I don't fully, but I can cognitively understand it and try to empathise). It must be exhausting and worrying.

These times are making me, like many others, reflect a lot, including on what others have and I don't and it's not always easy. Those who didn't want kids anyway will doubtless have other concerns. None of us has got away scot free in the burden and worry department over all this so let's not stoke divisions.

OP - get your husband to help more and in time I hope you can appreciate what you have got, others with kids too.

Those of us without will let you complain about the choices you made - after all everyone needs to vent - but it's really not OK to make assumptions about other people's lives.

Wishing everyone out there lots of love in tough times.

Butchers for meat and try green grocere as all drliver

Surely you can take a walk ? Scooter / trike ? I have a 11 week baby and a toddler DS, plus asthma myself. My DH is working out of home 10 hour days plus commute on top, so I know what you mean.

Your DH is being selfish and lazy.
He must give you a couple of breaks.
Is he really working all day, every day?