To wish I didn't have children right now.

[ArtichokeAardvark]

I'm isolating at home (asthmatic) with a toddler and an 8 week old baby. DH is working from home, but because I'm on mat leave it's down to me to take care of the children all day long. My coping mechanism until now for 2-under-2 has been to get out of the house as much as possible but that's obviously now impossible. I'm only just keeping it together, I'm hardly sleeping with a newborn and my toddler is going bananas trapped at home all day long. His tantrums are getting worse and worse, screaming at me that he wants to go to the park, the swings, his grandparents house, anywhere but here. I have no idea how I'm going to cope for months on end.

I love my children, but at the moment I would give anything to be childless. I feel utterly awful thinking this way, but I can't help it. Several of my friends don't have kids and they are spending the lockdown working from home (I miss my job) and then binging movies and drinking wine all evening. I'm so jealous, it's painful.

Someone help me remember that children are worth this, please. I can't talk about this with my husband, he wouldn't get it.

I really feel for you Op, I have two children, both going crazy being in, one I'm homeschooling too, and my toddler won't leave me for 2 minutes to let me help my DD with her work. We will get through this.. As difficult as it is now.

Everything is easier without kids.

I have lots of friends who are childfree and yes, lockdown is easier for them.

It's a really hard slog with kids. Mine are older but it's an endless round of trying to keep them up to date with their school work, feeding and exercising them.

Quite honestly, I just want to lie on the sofa and watch TV.

Oh and we are doing lots of FaceTime with family and friends, the app Houseparty is great for multiple chats at once.

I feel for you OP, I feel the same and like I'm a shit mum at the moment. The baby won't nap so he just screeches and whines for hours and hours. Pram doesn't work. Going for a drive used to but obviously that's now against the rules. I'm struggling to keep on an even keel stuck on our own apart from one walk a day. DH is a trooper and helps through the day but he is working so it's mostly on me all day long.

I really envy those who are childfree at the moment. I fantasize about reading, watching fecking Netflix, painting a room, jetwashing my patio. I'm sick of never getting anything done and looking at all the to dos all day long. I love my baby more than life itself but I never want another baby. Normally I don't feel like that at all.

I wish he was old enough to veg in front of the TV tbh.

I realise this is all me me me at a time when everyone is under great difficulty but honestly it's got me in a hole.

Totally understand OP
You have a newborn, that’s exhausting as it is without a toddler & now self isolating! I’m pregnant with a 15 month old & keep thinking how much harder this will be when baby’s born, so well done you for doing it! Hardest job in the world but we are so lucky xx

I get it, I really do. I have a preschooler and an 8 month old. My DH is working from home. He works long hours anyway but usually from 9am. Funnily enough now he starts work at 8am because he “needs to make up the time as he’s less productive wfh “

We are day 13 in isolation and a few days ago I demanded a break, even half an hour during the day as I was starting to crack. I do night wakings during the week too so get a lie in.

Have a think about what you need and spell it out to your DH. Communication is key.

The garden is your saviour. Let the toddler get filthy / wet / whatever - no rules ! Find some chalk for drawing on fences and any other surfaces. When ds was that age he played for hours with gravel!
You can still go out for a walk too dont forget

YANBU, I think lockdown is going to be way harder for people with young children than those without. This is something that me and DH and our friends who have small kids were all talking about yesterday...we keep imagining what we'd be doing if we didn't have the little ones. It would be so peaceful for me, just working from home alone all day and if I got lonely I could just temporarily move in with my parents (not elderly and no underlying health problems before someone decides to tell me that would be wrong...). My DH is about to start a job as front line NHS staff in A&E in another town and we don't have a car so even when the trains and buses run normally it is about 1hr 15 mins each way. We have a 21 month old child and I have GAD and a history of depression including PND in the first 6-9 months. Usually I don't spend more than a couple of hours at a time at home with DD, we go out and about places and she hates being at home, she gets bored so easily. I am gearing myself up for DH to very rarely be at home, in fact he may need to move into hospital accomodation close to the hospital. So I could be completely alone with a 21 month old for say 6 months whilst also expected to work a 30 hour week from home, and my employers have threatened us with disciplinary action if we don't meet all our output targets whilst WFH, or if we take too much unpaid leave. Utterly grim and I am in a permanent state of high anxiety about it all, and it hasn't even started yet as DH still hasn't started is job.

Totally get it. 4 yo and 7 week old here. Our days are very heavily influenced by how fussy the baby is being - when she’s crying a lot (as she’s prone to at the moment!) it makes everything ten times harder. Going out in the sling used to be a sure fire way of settling her and giving my four year old some proper attention, but that’s mostly fine now too.

This situation is going to be so variable for people based on their individual circumstances. I have a newborn and a small child (hard!) but am on maternity leave so don’t have to worry about work (massive bonus). My four year old doesn’t have a sibling he can play with, but the upside of that is no arguments. I’m tired and a bit stressed but not lonely - someone on their own might be able to sleep / relax as much as they want but be feeling hugely lonely. So it’s swings and roundabouts, but certainly harder for some than others (and that’s without considering those who have / have family who have the virus).

YANBU - 1000% I think lockdown with 20-month all DD would be pretty fabulous. Reality is that is fucking hard.

*without

@PurpleDaisies that's an incredibly insensitive and unfair comment to make. People are allowed to feel a certain way and it doesn't make them bad people - she isn't saying she wishes she never had children, she's just saying she wishes she could be in lockdown without children, and as you mention you're childless you are clearly making absolutely no attempt to try to understand what it could feel like. Having children isn't always sunshine and rainbows, you should probably start to realise that.

I agree with @PurpleDaisies

My IVF has been cancelled due to CV, all treatment now postponed until 2021 at the earliest. This is likely to mean I'll never conceive, time isn't on my side already.

I'd do anything to be in your position, OP. Anything.

My IVF has been cancelled due to CV, all treatment now postponed until 2021 at the earliest. This is likely to mean I'll never conceive, time isn't on my side already.

While I'm very sorry to hear that, it's not the OP's fault.

@Marginalgain maybe it might give her a bit of perspective while she’s wishing her kids away as people without children apparently have it so great during lockdown

While I'm very sorry to hear that, it's not the OP's fault.

Thank you, though I feel worse for the couples whose treatments were suddenly cancelled mid-cycle, at least I hadn't quite started my cycle! That would have been more devastating.

Hopefully it'll help OP feel better knowing some would love her position, even with how awfully tough and hard as it is right now

@purplemonkeyinabubblegumtree wow is it not all sunshine and rainbows? As I have no children that is such news to me. The only reason I am trying to have kids via IVF which can’t happen now for a year because of a Corona is because I thought it was amazing all the time.

Oh and Bingo for anyone playing infertility bingo! Heading back to my amazing Netflix and wine as lockdown is so awesome without kids. Definitely not crying over having no chance of having children until I’m another year older.

I feel for you OP. I was just saying to DH the other day that I’m sooooo glad mine are late teens/early 20s. I’m lucky to be WFH - I start at 7am through choice as they don’t surface til around midday/1pm so I get loads done before they are up cooking lunch and asking me to look at bloody tik tok videos! I then do all my chores and another few hours of work between 4 and 6 when they are back in their rooms. I’m actually loving it (although hating the reasons why we are here) as I don’t have to do my hideous 3 hour bus commute each day (1.5 each way), my washing and ironing are much less and Im generally less stressed. But I really appreciate how hard it must be for others

I have a three and one year old and am pregnant and high risk husband has sat upstairs all day and I've had stuff to organise food shops getting my diabetic medication and an appointment with my midwife by phone my husband has irritated me saying he is 'at work' and I am doing childcare. I'm a keyworker but off sick when I'm back at work in a few weeks he still hasn't cottoned on that as I'm a keyworker it will be me working and he will have to do the childcare

I don't have children and I can empathise, it sounds so hard. I've tried to take work off colleagues where possible.

I am a bit lonely, but the wine and netflix thing is pretty great.

I emphasise and am in your situation (baby and toddler). People keep taking about being bored, taking up a hobby, getting stuff done round the house and reading books, and I'm trying to keep 2 young children happy stuck in one location (thank goodness for the garden) and balancing that with work. The house is messier not tidier, my life is busier not more relaxing.

I don't wish I was child free, but I wish this pandemic happened before I had kids, so I too could have read books and finally got my house in order.

I get you.

And if your baby is formula fed, why on earth isn't your husband doing half of the nights? Inexcusably lazy.

This would have been a lot easier if it had happened before we'd adopted our DDs (now 11 on Saturday and just turned 8). But that's because I have COVID-19 and I've been very unwell, with chest pains and breathing difficulties at times, though I know I've had it easier than a lot of others). This has been very distressing for my DDs and draining for my DH having them at home whilst looking after me.

But I also remember being childless and I remember how hard it was not conceiving month after month. So I would never say I want to go back there, just that this would have been easier to cope with.

Although my DDs are adjusting to being at home and hearing family life going on downstairs is very reassuring for me.

@Steenac74 what a ridiculous comment. I truly am sorry to hear about your struggles trying to conceive, but reprimanding someone for admitting that they're struggling with their children is ludicrous. That's like saying in a very well paid job ISNT ALLOWED TO BE UNHAPPY AT WORK, because other people would kill to earn money like that.
It's all relative.
I hope for your sake that you do manage to have children, and I truly hope that not a day goes by that you don't struggle even the most minute amount - otherwise according

@Steenac74 to you, that's absolutely forbidden!!!