To wish I didn't have children right now.

[ArtichokeAardvark]

I'm isolating at home (asthmatic) with a toddler and an 8 week old baby. DH is working from home, but because I'm on mat leave it's down to me to take care of the children all day long. My coping mechanism until now for 2-under-2 has been to get out of the house as much as possible but that's obviously now impossible. I'm only just keeping it together, I'm hardly sleeping with a newborn and my toddler is going bananas trapped at home all day long. His tantrums are getting worse and worse, screaming at me that he wants to go to the park, the swings, his grandparents house, anywhere but here. I have no idea how I'm going to cope for months on end.

I love my children, but at the moment I would give anything to be childless. I feel utterly awful thinking this way, but I can't help it. Several of my friends don't have kids and they are spending the lockdown working from home (I miss my job) and then binging movies and drinking wine all evening. I'm so jealous, it's painful.

Someone help me remember that children are worth this, please. I can't talk about this with my husband, he wouldn't get it.

I know it's hard but please be grateful your children are with you. My ex-husband had breeched the Court Order and has told me I cannot see my 9 and 12 year-old "for the forseeable future".

So far it's been nine days without them and no end is in sight.

I'm currently 30 weeks' pregnant with my fiancé's baby and she will likely get ill because I can't eat or sleep.

What I would give to hold them right now. Please don't ever take your children for granted.

YADNBU. Set up a timetable with your dh so you are getting at least two hours off each night. He needs to finish, have a shower and then take over in a nutshell. You can then leave them all to it, and find some quiet corner to sleep and rest, bath, quiet glass of wine. You said he helps a lot, well that needs to be increased now. We are living in extraordinary times, so now he has to do much more.

YANBU. I'm working from home but my boss understands that working from home when you've got children isn't the same as working in an office - even if there's another parent to do the childcare.

We've all got look out for each other and that includes mental health - I'm locking myself away for conference calls and work that needs my full concentration, but I can still take time to sit with my laptop on the sofa and supervise some cBeebies watching while dh gets a bit of time to himself, or stick a washing on, get the kids to clear up their mess, make the lunch and do the dishes.

Your dh is taking the piss.

This is why people use ‘childfree’ and ‘childless’ - using childless when you mean childfree can be very upsetting for childless people.

@PurpleDaisies

YABU

My DH works from home and has done since around summer last year. We have twins and it’s just so so so difficult. They’ve seen at home now since last Monday and I’m trying to implement some sort of structure. I work two days a week as an ICU nurse so that’s my only time out.

For the last hour they’ve played games themselves and not been hanging off me which is nice. I hope they’re starting to get used to being at home. We’d only just got into the routine of nursery in the afternoon, it’s so hard.

Oh OP I feel for you so much. You must just be at your wits end. I would be the same. It's bloody awful but try and keep a level head in terms of being consistent with the toddler's discipline so that he doesn't get too much worse. It's so harsh on toddlers. I've been thinking since the start of all this that if mine were toddler-age I just don't know how I would cope without the outside world. They absolutely are worth it, and the dreadfully hard, grinding work you put in now with them will reap rewards I promise. Hold on!!!!! Sending so much love and strength xxx

I feel for you! I'm currently working from home 25hrs, 3 kids 10,3 and 1 and husband is still working... I'm genuinely exhausted/anxious/stressed 😭

But we'll get through somehow!

My DH and I are WFH and things have quietened down a lot so no way are we both pulling in a full day.

I’m definitely putting in a full and and my employers expect me to do so.

CN your DH take over at lunch so you get a bit of respite? I know how you feel being trapped in the house. I’m looking at 12 weeks isolation and I’m very down about it.

Do you have a garden?
Have you been going out for a walk every day? It is allowed as long as you keep your distance from people and avoid crowded places.

DH and I had been dreading lockdown and wondering how on earth we would keep our 3yo happy (and ourselves sane) with the usual nursery days, playgroups and meet-ups with family and friends. Obviously it's very early days yet but we've been pleasantly surprised by just how happy he is pottering about and playing in the house and garden, with the occasional trip up and down the street on his ride-on digger, and a daily outing on his balance bike. When he was 2 (the age of your oldest I think?) he loved his scramblebug and scooter.

Other things which have been successful - drawing with pavement chalk and playing hopscotch, small trampoline in the garden, bubbles, ball, etc.

We've been so lucky with the weather so far as it makes a huge difference to the kids and to us to be outside!

Having said all that, I wonder if you might have a bit of PND - it's not unusual under normal circumstances and would be very understandable in the current situation.

without the usual

Definitely try to get out for a daily walk, that's still allowed, and will ease the cabin fever.

I feel you, mine are 6, 4 and 1 and it’s tough. SIL and BIL are in Spain and in lockdown together and are basically watching films and drinking wine!
Realistically though I know it’s shit for everyone. It’s hard entertaining with the children but at least it keeps me busy and I have less time to think about how horrific everything is! SIL and BIL are both self employed so obviously stressed about their lack of earning during this time, whereas we’re lucky enough that DH can work from home without any issues.
though. It’s hard.

This isn’t going to be forever. You don’t even have to get dressed every morning. Can you start your toddler with baking? Drawing?
Please don’t despair. Do you have a garden? Can you set up a washing up bowl with water and a paintbrush - drawing with water on the patio?
You can get through this and in a few years time you will be so proud that you got through it without killing anyone! Set up a routine, if you can.

PS I have been thinking about buying some extra things for the garden - sand pit and maybe a playhouse or play equipment eg swing/slide. Just wondering how much money to throw at the problem

I feel for you OP, I really do. I couldn’t do it. I genuinely couldn’t. I think a lot of people are likely feeling the same. You shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling this way.

I hope this experience encourages people to think more carefully before producing children in the future. You never know what life is going to throw at you. And no matter what it does throw at you, it’s easier to cope with without children to look after.

YABU of course to feel that way. Your husband is being horrible to make / let you do it all. He should parent on his lunch break and as soon as he's finished cook food for you all.

A walk is allowed. Feed the baby, put them down for a nap while you take the toddler out and your husband listens out for his child.

www.facebook.com/683699155/posts/10157943117644156/?sfnsn=scwspwa&d=w&vh=i&extid=s2usXBSrcuDisTQZ&d=w&vh=i

He should parent on his lunch break and as soon as he's finished cook food for you all

Totally disagree. If he’s working from home it should be treated the same as if he wasn’t.

Its very hard for people with young children who need to use up their energy somehow. Especially if mum or dad's health isn't great. The garden as suggested is an option, but not every family with young children has an outdoor space.

Sorry to hear you are struggling OP. The early weeks with a newborn are tough even without a world-crisis.

I've seen some lovely ideas on here of things to do with stir-crazy toddlers. (Just think how many of these there must be out in the world just now!)

Water is always good for fun and soothing. Puppy games - like 'fetch' work well from a sofa. Moving to new activity in a new room is good and can be very funny - because it is the 'wrong' room (Just plan a resting position for yourself in each one.)

I wasn't able to take my two out due to extreme weather (so cold it blistered the faces of young children) and well-remember the utter exhaustion as we manage days and days in apartment together.

If I could only tell myself then (and you now) how worthwhile it all was.

They do grow up and they are amazing all along the way... once they let you sleep a little bit!

Can he take your toddler out at lunch or something if he gets an hour for 20 mins or so as his exercise? There are also all sorts of live streams at the moment, not ideal, but getting through the days is all that is required at this point. I do empathise, it is hard. I'm alone with a 13 month old who has just started to walk, DH is military so away at the moment for however long. It is relentless, we are lucky to have a garden and I find getting out there for chunks of the day in this weather has helped. If you get really overwhelmed do ask DH for a hand, yes he is working, but if he was at work you would be able to go out and get help from others, so it's not the same scenario for either of you. I keep thinking of all I would get done by myself.

Totally disagree. If he’s working from home it should be treated the same as if he wasnt

But the situation for OP is different, she isn't able to go out which is her coping mechanism or have any support off anyone else. Yes work is a priority and people can't take the mick, but it's a pandemic.

I understand OP.

I have a 1 year old and 2 year old. I love them dearly but being confined to the house for weeks (or months) - while also trying to work- is bloody hard. I know lockdown is shit for everyone but I am rather envious of those without children that can at least ‘make the most of it’ and read, sort the house out, watch loads of boxsets, sleep etc.

It’s unprecedented and extremely difficult but we just have to muddle through - we have no choice. But don’t feel bad about admitting you’re struggling - your feelings are valid even though others are no doubt in worse positions.

I do have a garden, it's tiny but still a lifesaver. I've also ordered a mini trampoline from Amazon in the hope of entertaining the toddler and burning off his energy, but understandably it's not a priority delivery so god knows when it will arrive!

@PurpleDaisies I'm sorry to have caused offence. I did say 'right now' but I appreciate it's still tactless.