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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pity my friend's new born daughter

59 replies

speedymama · 10/09/2007 17:34

I have a male friend who I have known for over 20 years and he is married to a woman who takes parenting to a whole new dimension and he has converted to her way of thinking. They already have two children (3 and 4)and the mother recently gave birth to a second daughter.

I'm delighted for my friend. However, I can't stop feeling pity for the new baby because I know what her parents, especially her mother, have in store for her.

As soon as she is 3 months old, she will be subjected to a daily routine of flash cards courtesy of the TV screen in order to teach her how to read. Her siblings were reading by the time they were 18 months old. I was even given a DVD, which shows them reading, as a present.

I don't want to be disloyal to my friend but I personally think this is too much. I know some people hot-house their children but to start it at 3 months is imho, extreme. They are using some American programme and it states that to be successful, parents must start when the child is 3 months. The older two are lovely children but crave toys because they don't have many. When they come to my house, they just start playing with the first thing they get their hands on.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LoveAngel · 10/09/2007 17:37

YABU. Its none of your business. (Is MYOB in the MN acronym list? It should be.)

littlelapin · 10/09/2007 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
speedymama · 10/09/2007 17:39

TBH, I know I am but I can't help feeling that way. You're right though, none of my business.

OP posts:
KerryMum · 10/09/2007 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McDreamy · 10/09/2007 17:42

I don't think you are being YABU by pitying her if that's how you feel (I would feel that too, poor child). You haven't said you're about to tell them exactly what you think, criticise etc which would be unreasonable as it is their child but pity....no not unreasonable

juuule · 10/09/2007 17:43

At least they are taking an interest in their children and paying them a lot of attention. Getting a 3mo old to read flash cards? Good luck to them And it would seem the children will at least grow up literate.
As for when they get to your house they play with the first thing they can get their hands on - well that would be true for my children,too and they have a house full of toys. Don't you know that other children's toys are so much more fun than your own
Bit strange about the DVD, though
I don't think you need to pity their dd.

Original poster
speedymama · 10/09/2007 17:45

Yes, pity was too strong. I'll go away now and parp myself!

OP posts:
bubblagirl · 10/09/2007 17:45

i think if we were to look at every ones household we'll all see something we dont think is quite right but as generally they are not harming there children just setting them up to have a bright future its not down to us as its truly there choice only

we all parent in different ways and its not so bad the children not being spoilt with toys although i would think 3 mths is too young thats just my thought i think kids should be kids but if the older children are well mannered and bright then good luck to them

as for children running straight for toys children with millions of toys will do the same as other children will always have something more exciting because they are new and different

TellusMater · 10/09/2007 17:47

Unreasonable to pity her yes. But not unreasonable to LOL at the image of a three-month-old and flashcards

LoveAngel · 10/09/2007 17:48

Ok, maybe I was too harsh here. as McDreamy pointed out, YANBU to feel the way you do. Keeping it to yourself would be a good plan, though.

Original poster
speedymama · 10/09/2007 17:49

I would never say anything to them. Even they gave me the DVD and then made me watch it! What can you say to that?

OP posts:
Original poster
speedymama · 10/09/2007 17:50

Even when

OP posts:
Jennifer8 · 10/09/2007 17:52

Speedy, I'm surprised that nobody much seems to think it's a normal reaction...I would feel the same, indeed I did, reading your OP.

Ds2 is 3 months old and I can just picture the poor wee mite sitting gawping at the TV while word after word flashes up.

It seems unfair somehow. And if they place so much value on their children's high academic achievement, perhaps they might be ready to put a bit too much pressure on them later...but maybe the kids enjoy it and the parents are very positive about it, uncritical if the kids don't meet their high expectations, etc. in which case I doubt it could do much harm.

I understand where you're coming from

LoveAngel · 10/09/2007 17:53

pmsl@speedymama. Oh God! If they start ramming it down your throat then by all means, speak up! lol

Jennifer8 · 10/09/2007 17:53

Btw I am a crap parent myself so nothing I say should be taken seriously

belgo · 10/09/2007 17:54

YANBU.

I too would feel sorry for any baby who has education forced upon them in this ridiculous way.

But I wouldn't say anything to them.

littlelapin · 10/09/2007 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 10/09/2007 17:55

Is it the Glen Doman method she's using? My mum did this with me, started when I was about 18months and I was reading when I was 2. To be honest I'm glad she did it.

So yes I do think YABU, its not like shes ill-treating the kids. At 3 months doing a flash card and saying a word will just be a bit of stimulation/fun for a baby.

But I would have been a bit as well if someone gave me a dvd of their kids reading.

mytwopenceworth · 10/09/2007 17:56

No. You are entitled to your feelings and your opinion on 'hothousing'. And you acknowledge that it's none of your business, so...again....no, YANBU, cos all you have is your opinion, to which you are perfectly entitled.

It's not like you asked AIBU to go round to my friend and shove her flash cards where the sun don't shine and then take her baby and raise her myself because 'hothousing' is child abuse.

francagoestohollywood · 10/09/2007 17:56

Lol at a 3 months old baby sitting in fron of the telly... what if this baby is colicky and cries all day? (hmmmmmm this is what I should have done with ds constant crying: flash cards)

Original poster
speedymama · 10/09/2007 17:57

I'm quite slack myself Jennifer8.

OP posts:
LoveAngel · 10/09/2007 17:57

pmsl@mytwopenceworth

Original poster
speedymama · 10/09/2007 17:59

The programme is called, Babies love to learn.

You show them a 30 minute DVD every day twice a day and supplement this with flash cards. The DVD flashes words and pictures to go with the word.

OP posts:
TiramisuTartsAndPiesInTheSky · 10/09/2007 18:04

Stimulating a three month old is surely not a bad thing?

I used to show mine black and white geometrical shapes in a book (though not in front of tv) for around half an hour each morning, till he bored of them.

lailasmum · 10/09/2007 18:05

its the present of the DVD that is the odd thing. Parents do different things educationally and its always wrong to criticise that but I must admit being given a dvd of their child reading would strike me as a bit odd and would make me wonder why they had done it.