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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pity my friend's new born daughter

59 replies

speedymama · 10/09/2007 17:34

I have a male friend who I have known for over 20 years and he is married to a woman who takes parenting to a whole new dimension and he has converted to her way of thinking. They already have two children (3 and 4)and the mother recently gave birth to a second daughter.

I'm delighted for my friend. However, I can't stop feeling pity for the new baby because I know what her parents, especially her mother, have in store for her.

As soon as she is 3 months old, she will be subjected to a daily routine of flash cards courtesy of the TV screen in order to teach her how to read. Her siblings were reading by the time they were 18 months old. I was even given a DVD, which shows them reading, as a present.

I don't want to be disloyal to my friend but I personally think this is too much. I know some people hot-house their children but to start it at 3 months is imho, extreme. They are using some American programme and it states that to be successful, parents must start when the child is 3 months. The older two are lovely children but crave toys because they don't have many. When they come to my house, they just start playing with the first thing they get their hands on.

AIBU?

OP posts:
suzycreamcheese · 10/09/2007 18:17

much better than the other end of the spectrum

but bit alien to me too to do all that
olol at dvd..

...there are plenty ways of introducing ideas, letters, words, usually through play i thought..

you are not unreasonable to feel the way you do at all,
but pity but i usually reserve it for the ones you fear will be severely emotionally damaged by parents..

Reallytired · 10/09/2007 18:18

At least they care about their children. Babies love attention whether its parents showing flash cards, cuddles or being read to. (Personally I think cuddles is best form of attention at that age..)

I would save your pity for kids who are allowed to play out on the streets at the age of three. Kids whose parents who can't be arsed to cook a proper meal for them, or kids who never get read a book.

I am sure that your friend will lighten up and enjoy parenthood.

ELR · 10/09/2007 18:21

well as others said myob but yes you can feel sorry for the poor mite!!

Sazisi · 10/09/2007 18:24

YABU, you should, in fact pity her parents who are clearly bonkers

McEdam · 10/09/2007 18:27

I'd feel sorry for a baby with parents who wanted them to read so early. Why? They will learn, eventually. No evidence to show being the first to potty train/ read/ count/ reach any other developmental stage has any life long effect, let alone a useful life long effect.

KerryMum · 10/09/2007 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hewlettsdaughter · 10/09/2007 18:31

This link suggests that dvds like this are not that helpful

foxcub · 10/09/2007 18:32

Speedy I feel sorry for her too after reading your OP! I think its very sad that her parents are so pushy and insecure.

Call me old fashioned but I think young children should be allowed to play, not be hothoused by insecure parents trying to prove themselves and impress their friends.

We all want our children to be bright and successful later in life, but surely being happy and relaxed in themselves when they are so young is more important than being used as tools for their parents to show off about. I would have thought a 3 month old needs cuddles and love more than the ability to "read".

My son could read the alphabet and count to 20 before he was too, because he was coached by our CM's teenaged daughter (who went on to train as a nursery teacher) - reading is a learnt skill, not a sign of intelligence.

I shall crawl away from my soapbox now

wheresthevalium · 10/09/2007 18:33

Snorting coffee down my nose at Sazisi's post

YANBU to fell what you do, but I agree with the others, SSSHHHHHH!

foxcub · 10/09/2007 18:33

"Two" not "too" - pity his Mum can't spell LOL!!

McEdam · 10/09/2007 18:39

Kerry, there's a big difference between children who actively learn to read at a young age, and a baby who is being coached with educational DVDS and flashcards.

Early reading doesn't necessarily make you a genius, either. It could be a sign of a gifted child, but more often either just a clever one (nowt wrong with that, but big difference between the two) or even an average child who just happens to have a leap at that age - other kids catch up, early reader plateaus later.

LadyTophamHatt · 10/09/2007 18:40

one of the mums in my post natal group was showing her ds french flashcards at 5-6 months.
neither she nor her dh are french.

McEdam · 10/09/2007 18:40

(Speaking as an early reader myself who doesn't qualify for the genius label!)

missgriss · 10/09/2007 18:40

pmsl at the image of speedy and family sitting down to a family night viewing of toddlers reading

Did they send the DVD to all their friends?

juuule · 10/09/2007 19:27

Nothing to say that their children aren't getting lots of cuddles and love aswell.

Original poster
speedymama · 10/09/2007 20:00

They are loving and attentive parents but are rather pushy. They want their children to excel academically and there is nothing wrong with that. What I do find uncomfortable is their obsessive pursuit of getting the children far ahead of their peers. Why? It is not a competition. I believe that toddlers should learn organically and if they show an interest in something, then embrace that enthusiasm. I showed my DTS different coloured shapes and cards with animals, letters etc but it was in the form of play, not set to a rigid time-table. They will have years of formal education later on.

As for the DVDs, well we have had to endure watching their children at the Science Museum in London. They really enjoyed it but did it warrant a 1 hour film to be shown to all and sundry? I can't say that I found it rivetting viewing. They film everything - no doubt I'll be getting the next installment shortly.

Good job I'm tolerant!.

OP posts:
Original poster
speedymama · 10/09/2007 20:01

Missgriss, others friends get the DVDs too. Apparently his sister does not like watching them.

OP posts:
ElenyaTuesday · 10/09/2007 20:28

Sorry the DVD thing is really weird! They sound so competitive - they must be terribly insecure. You poor thing having to sit through that - do they ask you questions afterwards to make sure you didn't miss anything?

foxcub · 10/09/2007 21:22

speedy - some of the parents at my DS1's school are obsessed with their kids being top of the claas, to the extent that some of them have been having up to 2 hrs tutoring every night since the age of 5. I just think it is so sad

How insecure are their parents that they have to coach their kids in order for them to appear to be more intelligent than their peers?

So sad

chocchipcookie · 10/09/2007 22:01

YANBU. God I am so sick of all this competitive hot-housing. Children need a childhood. Love, fun, unstructured time, messing about. Shock horror - doing nothing even. The parents sound horrendous.

wulfricsmummy · 10/09/2007 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

seeker · 10/09/2007 22:23

YA SO NBU!!!!! They sound like loons and if they are really good friends ~I would encourage you to say something to them. There is NO advantage to reading at two - at that age people should be reading to them!!!!! Kidnap the child immediately and put him or her firmly in a mud puddle!

seeker · 10/09/2007 22:24

I wouldn't advise telling them that they are loons, obviously........!

StealthPolarBear · 10/09/2007 22:25

Yeah they really should have started the flash cards earlier, three months is just too late, they'll never catch up

TotalChaos · 10/09/2007 22:25

PMSL at Sasizi. Nail on head there I think!

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