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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Another Mother’s Day disappointment

93 replies

3andahalf · 22/03/2020 23:22

My daughter is 2 and im also 30 weeks with my second. Husband worked this morning then got a call from him lunch time saying he was at his mums and could I bring our daughter to see her too. I don’t drive so I made the 25 minute walk.
About an hour into being there he pulls out a card which was obviously bought and written by his mum from my daughter and pretends he got it for me. Then he says sorry I didn’t get round to getting a present but he’ll cook when we get home and do all the clean up after. He cooked, then did the usual “pile everything in the sink and “soak” it for as long as possible before she gives up and does it herself” that he always does (he has actually only done the washing up about 3 times the whole time we’ve been together) so I just did it and got it out the way as I didn’t want to be standing there later on doing washing up when I’m tired. Almost immediately after I finished cleaning the kitchen he decides he’s going to bake a cake for himself, proceeds to cover the kitchen in batter, fills the sink up again and leaves it for me to clean up.
Fast forward to now, toddler is still awake after I’ve put her to bed 8 times, I’m dreading being up at 4am with a screaming child as I am every single morning and I’m knackered anyway as this pregnancy has been difficult (I’m huge and have had health issues). The whole time husband is having a lovely snooze on the sofa. Have tried waking him up to see if he’ll give me one night off as it’s Mother’s Day but I have now been told I’m lazy so have just got on with it. Currently upstairs having a cry in bed with toddler jumping on my head. This happens every single Mother’s Day/birthday/Valentine’s Day etc but I still get so upset and disappointed. I’m not materialistic or expecting a present but just a day off to relax would be nice? Why does my husband put himself first? I always make an effort for Father’s Day and he doesn’t lift a finger 365 days of the year apart from his actual job

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 22/03/2020 23:24

I am quite astonished that you all visited. Do you watch the news?

HowIrresponsible · 22/03/2020 23:24

What do you get out of this

3andahalf · 22/03/2020 23:25

I honestly feel so depressed and like no one appreciates me or helps, I’m also questioning how I’ll cope with a newborn while my toddler will only sleep for 4 hours before screaming the house down and husband definitely won’t be doing any night feeds or dealing with toddler

OP posts:
clarebear99 · 22/03/2020 23:26

I'm guessing the baby was unplanned?

3andahalf · 22/03/2020 23:26

@RaininSummer yes we have seen what’s going on, myself and toddler have been self isolating, so has mother in law with her family. We walked for 25 minutes and didn’t come into contact with anyone on the way

OP posts:
P1nkHeartLovesCake · 22/03/2020 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RainMinusBow · 22/03/2020 23:27

Be grateful you got to spend Mother's Day with your child. I have two children and haven't been allowed to see them or speak to them. Abusive ex has breeched Court Order and says I cannot see my boys for the "forseeable future" as I am 30 weeks' pregnant. My heart is breaking.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 22/03/2020 23:28

But your DH isn’t self isolating...his working 🤦‍♀️

Louisana · 22/03/2020 23:28

Totally agree with you OP. Men just don't seem to understand it's really not about the materialistic things it's just nice to have a break for that one day and be child free.

Maybe speak to you partner about how you feel? So hopefully next year he might actually give you the day off an get a nice present? I had the same thing today with my DH. Said he ordered me my Mother's Day gift but hasn't arrived and will be here tomorrow then complained he had a headache so stayed in bed most of the day when he was supposed to help work DD an give me the day off!

LovingLola · 22/03/2020 23:29

Can’t think of any positives at all in your posts ..
Do you work? Hopefully you are not financially dependent on him.

Embracelife · 22/03/2020 23:30

Stop washing up. If he leaves dishes to dozk it s fine let him was later.
But In three years he s washed up.three times and you let him get away with it so why would he change?
You do every thing so what purpose does he serve?
And why did you go see his mother given the advice not to visit anyone?

Louisana · 22/03/2020 23:31

You guys on Mumsnet are so bloody damn rude ! OP is already upset an down and she doesn't need people jumping down her throat. Be nice for once instead of always bashing people. U have no idea what people are going through. It doesn't take much to just be kind. If u haven't got anything nice to say then just shut up!!!

3andahalf · 22/03/2020 23:32

How did this turn into an attack about corona virus? @P1nkHeartLovesCake excuse me? Government can’t tell stupid? How do you know my situation or what my DH works as? How do you know he cannot avoid work? As I stated myself and my whole family have been self isolating, we WALKED and came into contact with nobody, no one in our family or MIL family has symptoms of the virus nor can have contracted it due to said isolating ever since it was recommended so there was absolutely 0 chance of anyone catching it from our visit.

OP posts:
Embracelife · 22/03/2020 23:35

You went to see your MIL
So you are not self isolating.
Self isolation means you and the people you live with only. Only the people in your house. Not your MIL s house. It means you stay in your house.
No visits to MIL who lives 25 minutes walk away.

3andahalf · 22/03/2020 23:35

@Embracelife I genuinely think that if I left dishes in the sink he would actually never do it. We would run out of plates to eat from before he washed any up and it would absolutely do my nut in, I can’t stand any mess or dirt in my house

OP posts:
Embracelife · 22/03/2020 23:36

You cannot self isolate across two houses.

You have to stay in one house.
Please don't visit MIL again for 12 weeks.

Holdencaulfieldshomeboy · 22/03/2020 23:37

Why are you with him? Serious question. I got rid of my ex because he was like your husband. Best thing I ever did. I have 2, only 21 months apart. It's tough but easy without a man child round your neck. Think you can't do it? Arent you doing it all now anyway? I really feel for you. Please leave him. Sending a big hug.

3andahalf · 22/03/2020 23:37

@Embracelife this was an exception for Mother’s Day, me and DD haven’t seen anyone for 8 days now and MIL and her family are the same. DH still has to work but we are taking all the precautions we can to avoid spreading germs such as hand sanitiser at the front door, shower & clothes change as soon as he gets in, face masks while at work etc

OP posts:
Embracelife · 22/03/2020 23:38

So get paper plates and use those til he learns to wash up.

3andahalf · 22/03/2020 23:40

@Embracelife do you know what that’s not a half bad idea paper plates 🤷🏻‍♀️ Will grab some as soon as we can all get out to the shops again!

OP posts:
Barbies97 · 22/03/2020 23:42

You CANNOT have exceptions! The virus doesn't care about it being mother's day. You've all been utterly irresponsible and I cannot understand how one of the three adults in the situation didn't say no to the visit.

Your husband sounds like a total waste of space and to be honest I'd be asking him to leave as soon as this situation is resolved.

Why on Earth are you having a second child with him? Was it planned?

3andahalf · 22/03/2020 23:43

I just remember my first ever Mother’s Day which was spent at his mums again, I’d only been a mum for a matter of months so I was expecting SOMETHING but got nothing from him but his mum had made a real effort and got my baby to finger paint a plant pot and plant me a little flower, i was heartbroken seeing as I had gone all out for his first l Father’s Day. I guess men just don’t get it

OP posts:
Rosebel · 22/03/2020 23:47

Please don't make an effort on Father's day, he doesn't deserve it.

LovingLola · 22/03/2020 23:50

Some men ‘get it’. Some don’t.
What value does your husband bring to your life. It certainly sounds as if he does not share the parental load. Does he care for your emotional well being? It seems as if he has very little interest in your physical well being

Embracelife · 22/03/2020 23:51

You should not just be holding out for once a year mothers day for your dh to act like a reasonable human being.
I guess his mother did everything for him and now you are. Stop.
He manages to work so he is not incompetent.