Another Mother’s Day disappointment

[3andahalf]

My daughter is 2 and im also 30 weeks with my second. Husband worked this morning then got a call from him lunch time saying he was at his mums and could I bring our daughter to see her too. I don’t drive so I made the 25 minute walk.
About an hour into being there he pulls out a card which was obviously bought and written by his mum from my daughter and pretends he got it for me. Then he says sorry I didn’t get round to getting a present but he’ll cook when we get home and do all the clean up after. He cooked, then did the usual “pile everything in the sink and “soak” it for as long as possible before she gives up and does it herself” that he always does (he has actually only done the washing up about 3 times the whole time we’ve been together) so I just did it and got it out the way as I didn’t want to be standing there later on doing washing up when I’m tired. Almost immediately after I finished cleaning the kitchen he decides he’s going to bake a cake for himself, proceeds to cover the kitchen in batter, fills the sink up again and leaves it for me to clean up.
Fast forward to now, toddler is still awake after I’ve put her to bed 8 times, I’m dreading being up at 4am with a screaming child as I am every single morning and I’m knackered anyway as this pregnancy has been difficult (I’m huge and have had health issues). The whole time husband is having a lovely snooze on the sofa. Have tried waking him up to see if he’ll give me one night off as it’s Mother’s Day but I have now been told I’m lazy so have just got on with it. Currently upstairs having a cry in bed with toddler jumping on my head. This happens every single Mother’s Day/birthday/Valentine’s Day etc but I still get so upset and disappointed. I’m not materialistic or expecting a present but just a day off to relax would be nice? Why does my husband put himself first? I always make an effort for Father’s Day and he doesn’t lift a finger 365 days of the year apart from his actual job

@3andahalfandahalf

Didn't read your complaint as once I got to the part where you said you walked to his mother's I thought you idiot!

Risking your life.

Risking your child's life.

Risking other people's lives..

Selfish.

Do you even understand what isolation means? It doesn't mean visiting your mother in law.

Also your husband sounds like a knob
Why are you having another kid with him if he's always been this useless?

Stop 👏 visiting 👏 people's 👏 houses 👏

Stop visiting people! What’s wrong with you! And stop having children with your useless husband. Leave that bastard as soon as you can.

Next time he does this, let the toddler jump on him, especially when they wake at night. Let the toddler stay up. Go oops, I’m so sorry, I must’ve been too lazy to get him to bed right. I posted something similar about my Mother’s Day but my husband would never call me lazy. He’s been left alone with our kid for a day once and he knows how hard it is. Once this is all over , leave him alone with your oldest, say you have an appointment you need to attend alone. See how he likes it. But gee your kid up to be as active as possible first.

This happens every single Mother’s Day/birthday/Valentine’s Day etc but I still get so upset and disappointed.

From your op @3andahalf, why would anything ever change?

“the definition of madness is repeating the same things over and over but expecting different results” so said Albert Einstein apparently.

I’m sorry love, but you’re going to have to break out of this situation by whatever means possible. He’s not going to change, and certainly not if he’s never given an ultimatum.

Oh and next time he makes a cake for himself. Eat it. And say sorry dishes seem to magically get washed in her by a fairy, so a fairy ate it!

I genuinely don't know why women put up with this behaviour at all. You know you don't have to, right?

We have no money and I've got mixed feelings about Mother's Day anyway (am NC with my own mother) but my DH let me lie-in year day and helped the kids make me breakfast in bed (three under 5 so this is quite the task!) and make me cards. No money spent but I felt like a bit of effort had been made and we were all happy.

This is the bare minimum I think really, isn't it? Cards and flowers and lunch out etc are extras. You're not even getting the bare minimum OP, now ask yourself why you think that's what you deserve? Is it low self esteem? Because you clearly do think you deserve it or you wouldn't accept it and keep having kids with a selfish pig.

Ever heard the saying “why have a dog and bark yourself”?
Your DH has. You are literally his bitch. He’s a horribly inadequate person OP. I hope you find a way to improve your situation before your children grow up thinking this is normal or acceptable.

Yet another Mothers day moan about the washing up.

Partners share the washing up 365 days a year.

You on the other hand are basically a servant, unpaid.

Having your partner do the dishes IS NOT A MOTHERS DAY GIFT. Get a grip.

He prob wont change now. Feel for you. You will have carve out time for you after the new baby or nothing will change. He sounds so lazy think people forget the stay home person is doing as much

Why have another child with him let alone the first. If you can’t afford childcare for one then having a second isn’t going to ease the financial situation and if you end up single it will be even worse financially surely.

As for self isolating yet visiting others, words fail me.

You said that you get called lazy all the time. Yet you do the housework and look after your child who is not sleeping much and are pregnant. Calling you lazy is abuse.
Add in all the rest of the things. He more or less made you do a 25 minute walk with a toddler and you pregnant yesterday, that sounds as though he has little care and respect for you. Sorry if I seem harsh. You do seem to be having a rough time
Once this virus allows the restrictions to be lifted you need to chat with him and decide if you want to continue like this.
Don't think you have to stay because you have nowhere to go.
You seem to be verbally and possibly emotionally abused and you can get help
Wishing you happiness

She'll get more help if she's single.

OP, when this is over, get your ducks in a row and LTB.

FFS! Leave the OP alone with your judgment about her visiting MIL.
OP seriously you just need to leave the washing up and hide a stash of paper plates just for you and DC to use.
I think you need to leave him, it will only get harder with a newborn baby.

Sorry, you lost me when you took your child to your MILs.
Just which part of don’t visit your mother this year (which I suspect includes MILs 🙄) is difficult to understand?

@CallMeOnMyCell

We are all perfectly entitled to judge her for visiting MIL. If you cant judge somebody who risks spreading a deadly virus to vulnerable people because they want to drop by MIL's, who can you judge? Our actions affect the whole of society so they are very much everyone else's business.

Every single thread is going to dissolve into corona-based abuse of the OP isn’t it?

@Winterwoollies only ones that the OP has gone against government guidelines, due to boredom or "the rules don't include me", this is very serious.

And @Winterwoollies it's the OP who is abusing the guidelines not the PPs pointing out the very obvious.

Why did you go? You need to be responsible for your own health and that of your baby, no matter who else is a thoughtless chump.

Why do you expect him to change when by continuing to stay married to him AND choose to have another baby with him you’ve told him you expect no better?

Either get used to it or leave. You say he's been always doing this. I don't understand why you are not only with him but also having another child.
Either way, get yourself a proper contraception

This isn’t really about Mother’s Day, or it shouldn’t be anyway because it sounds like he’s just a terrible husband.

We don’t “do” Mother’s Day other than a card that had been made a few weeks before at school. My DH made one meal and I made the other like any other Sunday. Born stacked the dishwasher. He didn’t do anything extra for me at all but the norm in our house is supportive and caring.

I think it’s quite sad really that just because it’s a special day you were expecting him to make a tiny bit of effort. He should be better every day.

I’d be outraged if my DH called me lazy even if sometimes I am.

The OP didn't seem to get our objections at all; she really wasn't listening and just kept on going on about her complaint. This is frustrating for me, because so many people simply don't get it.

I have COVID-19 now, a moderate case and it's horrible. So don't think that 'mild' means it will be like a bad cold. It can be really nasty. But more seriously, you can infect a vulnerable person who might die.