Another Mother’s Day disappointment

[3andahalf]

My daughter is 2 and im also 30 weeks with my second. Husband worked this morning then got a call from him lunch time saying he was at his mums and could I bring our daughter to see her too. I don’t drive so I made the 25 minute walk.
About an hour into being there he pulls out a card which was obviously bought and written by his mum from my daughter and pretends he got it for me. Then he says sorry I didn’t get round to getting a present but he’ll cook when we get home and do all the clean up after. He cooked, then did the usual “pile everything in the sink and “soak” it for as long as possible before she gives up and does it herself” that he always does (he has actually only done the washing up about 3 times the whole time we’ve been together) so I just did it and got it out the way as I didn’t want to be standing there later on doing washing up when I’m tired. Almost immediately after I finished cleaning the kitchen he decides he’s going to bake a cake for himself, proceeds to cover the kitchen in batter, fills the sink up again and leaves it for me to clean up.
Fast forward to now, toddler is still awake after I’ve put her to bed 8 times, I’m dreading being up at 4am with a screaming child as I am every single morning and I’m knackered anyway as this pregnancy has been difficult (I’m huge and have had health issues). The whole time husband is having a lovely snooze on the sofa. Have tried waking him up to see if he’ll give me one night off as it’s Mother’s Day but I have now been told I’m lazy so have just got on with it. Currently upstairs having a cry in bed with toddler jumping on my head. This happens every single Mother’s Day/birthday/Valentine’s Day etc but I still get so upset and disappointed. I’m not materialistic or expecting a present but just a day off to relax would be nice? Why does my husband put himself first? I always make an effort for Father’s Day and he doesn’t lift a finger 365 days of the year apart from his actual job

1. You need to do a better job of self isolating

1. Once this is over, divorce your shitty, thoughtless, lazy husband.

OP states .....

As I stated myself and my whole family have been self isolating, we WALKED and came into contact with nobody, no one in our family or MIL family has symptoms of the virus nor can have contracted it due to said isolating ever since it was recommended so there was absolutely 0 chance of anyone catching it from our visit.

FOR FUCK SAKE DO YOU ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING THE GOVERNMENT ADVISED???

It's pig headed 'telepathic psychic fortune teller' people like you that are probably spreading this shit virus so that people like me who have serious respiratory problems will end up seriously ill because of people like you!

Zero chance of you having it.

Alrighty then.

Fucking ignorance & stupidity at its finest here.

Hey here's an example of how a loving and caring dh would act.
Today (ie just a normal monday) my dh cleared up the kitchen after breakfast, despite working from home today and me being a sahm.
Hes also sorting ds1 out and playing with him because ds2 has a fever and I'm dealing with him.

Erm, I went into self-isolation a week before it was advised by the government.
Guess who is sitting here now with CV?

Of course, he's going to leave it. He knows you will do it. Honestly, did anyone force you to wash up? You could have sat and relaxed. Instead, you chose to do things because he wasn't working to your schedule.

I often like to have a rest after dinner. Plates get left. It's not the end of the world really. They get done at some point before we go to sleep. And there have been times when we've left them until the next day.

It's not a criticism but why does your 4 year old stream after only 4 hours in bed? You cannot live a normal life like that. Have you done all the sleep training stuff, got HELP? That alone would make me suicidal.

Sorry 2 year old. If I had to get up in the night I'd clatter bang moan and make as much noise as possible.

This happens every single Mother’s Day/birthday/Valentine’s Day

Yet you’re still with this man, and even having sex with him and cooking his dinner and cleaning his house.

He literally has no reason to change his behaviour.

I'm wondering why you've chosen to have another baby with this man op? He sounds abusive, calling you lazy, and useless.

Additionally as others have said you have completely misunderstood 'self isolation'.

He has only washed up three times since you've known him and I would bet he does fuck all housework but you've had children with him and now you're shocked at his behaviour. You've enabled him all this time and then wonder why he is like he is.

Re mothers day, as a childless woman it obviously means little to me apart from when my DM was alive but one thing i don't understand is why you and others expect your husband to buy you cards/flowers. etc. There's a clue in the name - it's not wife's day, and your children will soon be of an age when they do all this stuff.

Your husband is selfish . It’s very clear that you don’t like him.
Yes to paper plates. But you need to have a long hard think about moving forward.
As to Mothers’ Day, he shouldn’t have even bought you a card. It’s up to your children to celebrate this, when they’re old enough.

Can’t we just answer the question and leave the Covid recriminations to the corona board?

@Rachie1973

I see where you are coming from but - no.

I would agree if everyone was slamming OP for some slightly irrelevant aspect of her post, but this is literally life and death, far too important to politely overlook because it wasnt the objective of the post. And it affects us all, the longer people feel they can bend the rules the longer we will all be housebound for.

Loads and loads of men get it OP.

You are with a selfish twat who is extremely lazy.

You allow him to trest you appallingly even though you are having another child with him.

He is who he is...he won't change.
Get used to it or change yourself and what you accept.

Wishing you a better life than the one you have, i certainly hope you are not financially dependent on someone who thinks so little of you.

Practice saying "no"

"I am 30 weeks pregnant. I cannot do that "
And in a few weeks "I m feeding the newborn I cannot do that. Please do it"

@Rachie1973 somethings are too important to ignore, this is a matter of life and death...

Anyway this is exactly the type of relationship I worry about right now, total lockdown, a difficult child, an arsehole of a father and a vulnerable woman. All forced to spend hours on end together, it'll end with loads of problems and it makes me feel sick!

@Rachie1973 somethings are too important to ignore, this is a matter of life and death...

Anyway this is exactly the type of relationship I worry about right now, total lockdown, a difficult child, an arsehole of a father and a vulnerable woman. All forced to spend hours on end together, it'll end with loads of problems and it makes me feel sick!

He's selfish and vile. But you know this. This is not because he is male, it's because he's a wanker.

Short term, he can be accountable. If he makes a mess or says he'll clean, he cleans. Quietly doing it for him reinforces his twatish behaviour and his cosy idea that you are his skivvy. Long term you need to decide if you are willing to live with someone who makes you unhappy and is unlikely to change.

It was silly to visit. I understand why you did, I'd be tempted to just to see soneone other than your husband, but you can be incubating covid for 5 days before symptoms but still be highly contagious.

And please don't buy paper plates before asking him to wash up more. If he refuses buy then and explain why the plates are being used.