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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it amusing the lengths some parents will go to in order to be apart from their kids?

203 replies

WelcomeToTheAssEatery · 20/03/2020 21:24

Just that really. My employer has given us permission to work from home to reduce the amount of people on site in order to reduce risk of contracting COVID-19.

However there are some parents in my office who are STILL coming to work just so they don't have to deal with their kids. I just find it wild.

Someone actually said today they couldn't care less about contracting the virus, they just don't want to be at home.

It makes me wonder what the point of having kids for some people is if they will go to such lengths to avoid spending time with them.

OP posts:
SnoozyLou · 21/03/2020 00:44

*'Why on gods earth would you want to put your children at risk and send them to school during this crisis.'

At risk of what? Children barely notice they have it.*

God knows, I am struggling to get my work done with a toddler in toe. However, even if it were an option for him to be at nursery, I wouldn't send him. We stopped it last week. I wouldn't fancy my child getting pneumonia because I made a stupid decision. Children under 9 haven't died of it, yet, but they have needed to go on ventilators.

SallySun123 · 21/03/2020 00:56

Maybe you could offer to look after their children whilst you work at home if it’s such a walk in the park? Rather than going online and slating your work colleagues during an incredibly difficult and destabilising time.

managedmis · 21/03/2020 00:59

You don't have to stay IN though. Go outside! Just don't touch anything or any one!

LorenzoStDubois · 21/03/2020 01:20

YANBU.
I don't know why some people bother having kids at all.
They never want to spend any time with them.

Samtsirch · 21/03/2020 01:23

Shirley Hughes

Lucy and Tom’s Day

echt · 21/03/2020 02:17

It makes me wonder what the point of having kids for some people is if they will go to such lengths to avoid spending time with them

You only have to look at the regular threads pissing and moaning about half term/Christmas/summer school breaks to make you think they should have thought out what it means to have children.

Notnowokay · 21/03/2020 02:25

Young children need attention. For some it will be very unreasonable to expect them to both care for their children and wfh simultaneously. The standard of both parenting and quality of work is likely to be affected. Not to mention some people still believe it is a hyped up flue that is going around, or one pandemic that won’t affect them.

WorriedAboutMom · 21/03/2020 02:35

I think it's really important to put yourselves in your DCs shoes and the fact that some of them may never see some of their friends and teachers again. Sometimes they can sense our anxiety and right now they just need to feel safe. I don't think you need to be Parent of the Year. Just meet their basic needs whilst you wfh and be patient (even if you feel like exploding inside!). The attached quote really helped me put things in perspective.

To find it amusing the lengths some parents will go to in order to be apart from their kids?
HoppingPavlova · 21/03/2020 02:44

It makes me wonder what the point of having kids for some people is if they will go to such lengths to avoid spending time with them.

That’s one of the silliest things I have read in the context you have put it in.

It’s natural, when kids get older that both children and parents need some time away from each other. It’s actually unnatural not to want this. The older they get the more time you both need as you become more diverse individuals with different interests and thoughts. When younger school fulfills that need, when older uni, work, time out with your own friends fulfills it, doesn’t mean you don’t live your kids!

In fact it’s just like saying if you don’t want to spend 24/7 in the same house with your DH why did you bother getting married to them. Can you see how absurd this is?

turdtimelucky · 21/03/2020 03:29

It's a woman with no kids commenting. Best to just nod and smile knowingly.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/03/2020 04:57

Exactly turdtime. Op sounds very immature and unable to process she may be wrong.

LonelyandLost80 · 21/03/2020 06:52

@dreasinggownofdoom

The children may only get mild symptoms but they are carriers and pass this horrendous virus to the vulnerable.

The mentality of its ok children don’t get poorly is astounding .....!

Let’s send them all back to school and just let them carry it to the rest of the population and kill the vulnerable, at least you can all get your work done then eh!

Eeyoresstickhouse · 21/03/2020 06:57

My husband and I are working from home with a 3 year old from Monday. How much work do you think will get done really??? But, we are going to tag team and hopefully will get some stuff done between us

MarshaBradyo · 21/03/2020 06:59

Incredible. They’ll rue that nonchalance in one to two weeks.

TabbyMumz · 21/03/2020 06:59

,"As I say, before I had kids, I was very snooty about a lot of things, but you realise how annoying kids are when you actually have them"
Surely not annoying enough to send them in to get coronavirus? Take them for a walk, get them out the house for half an hour. Dont send them to school if you dont have to.

Sh05 · 21/03/2020 07:12

I'm not sure how easy it will be for them to pass off as key worker's, they might need a manager's letter or something.
It doesn't matter how difficult it going to be but it's not right that they put others at risk just to get an easier ride.
I'm on maternity leave and my husband is classed a key worker and both the nursery and the boys highschool contacted us asking if we needed the children to be in school. We declined the offer and I explained I was at home anyway.
It's going to be pretty crazy in this household, my 12 yr old was bouncing of the walls yesterday, he was giddy at the thought of no school.

userabcname · 21/03/2020 07:23

I find it baffling! I have two children and am relieved I can now keep them home safe with me with no guilt. I think people sending their children to school when they don't have to are mad. It's not just coronavirus which, it seems, is pretty mild for kids - it's any illness I'm concerned about. There's no calpol in shops, GP appointments are hard to come by at the best of times so god knows what it's like now and should your child need A & E - what then? Hospitals are already buckling under the strain and it's only just begun. Keeping children at home and as healthy as possible seems like the best option to me. Taking unnecessary risks seems crazy.

MarshaBradyo · 21/03/2020 07:26

I couldn’t wait to keep the dc home, I did it a few days early.

The thought that people will try and cheat the system to keep getting childcare is unbelievably stupid of them.

MarshaBradyo · 21/03/2020 07:28

Out if all the selfish groups that exist right now I’d put them at the top for being responsible for not enough care in ICU and higher death rate.

WhiteCat1704 · 21/03/2020 07:28

YABU

It's impossible to do a job properly and care for a young child/children at the same time!

My employer is "understanding" but still expects core hours of full availability and frequent calls/webinars etc. I'm dreading it..

anniefrangipani · 21/03/2020 07:33

Spent years being told "oh you can't judge unless you have kids" and "you don't know what it's like".

Turns out a lot of people are quite shit parents.

Graciebobcat · 21/03/2020 07:35

@EmAndes Nope Smile

No, of course you don't have kids. That much is obvious.

nellodee · 21/03/2020 07:49

As a teacher, I am going to be working on the assumption that at least one person in the room is a presymptomatic carrier. In order to minimise risk for everyone involved, I will be doing my best to encourage the children I am caring for to do the same (secondary, not primary). This is frightening, but there is no point sugar coating it, or telling me I am scare mongering, because it is the reality of the situation. Sometimes the right action to protect people is telling them they should be frightened, not that everything is going to be fine, wash your hands and carry on.

Children in this new daycare setting should ideally be in well ventilated rooms, 2m apart, and wearing masks.

They will not be.

This should be an absolute last resort, for children who are safer being in a room with infected people than being left unattended alone.

If neither of those solutions sound acceptable to you, and you have an alternative option, I strongly suggest you take it.

Gruffalomom · 21/03/2020 08:03

Presumably your colleagues would actually be expected to work from home?! It's not like having a days holiday!
Can you imagine trying to do your job with small people constantly requiring your attention?
Your job requires your attention, and so do children. Why would you assume that your colleagues just don't want to be with their children?! Far more likely they need peace to be able to actually work and by heading to the office that allows their children to enjoy time with the person caring for them in stead of being plonked in front of the TV and shhh'ed all day!

Worried25 · 21/03/2020 08:35

I think there is a real lack of empathy in your post tbh op. If they are doing what you say they are doing then of course they are wrong. I think some of your post comes from a genuine fear about having children and the “all of us parents are total idiots for having kids and not realizing everything beforehand” is a way of comforting yourself.
All of my 3 dcs were/are very much wanted, I spent loads of time with young dcs before having my own. Tbh I find that it all comes pretty naturally to me, I love taking them out for long walks, art projects , playing LEGO etc BUT the idea of months on end in the house is extremely difficult to even think about right now. It’s impossible to explain to someone who doesn’t have kids what it’s like and my dcs are all NT, you have no idea how difficult it is for some parents.
I’ve had to give up all my freelance hours as I simply can’t work with 3 young dcs in the house and my dh is very much needed on the frontline at the moment 6 days a week out of the house. At this time the vast majority of people are trying to do their best under very difficult circumstances. Maybe do some good instead of sticking the knife in your colleagues back. I’m sure there are so many single parents out there who would love some help with their dcs so they could actually go to the shop or even for an hours headspace, I’m sure there are volunteer programs being set up for this and then it would also give you an insight into the reality too. But I think I can imagine the answer (why should I, I didn’t choose to have kid etc). At the end of the day you can’t know about the reality of children before having them and deep down you know this. And ridiculous comments about “why bother if it’s so hard” are just so lacking in insight , empathy and basic knowledge “. These days will be hard on some many, particularly isolated older people, single parents and parents who are trying desperately to keep their jobs. I hope it passes and the vast majority of people want to keep everyone safe hence why were I am there are no kids out anywhere. By the way adults are just as likely to pass it on so hopefully this crisis doesn’t turn anti child....