Am I a Drama Queen?

[ExServiceWoman]

I genuinely don't know if I'm being a drama queen or not, but really feel my heart is broken.

My son is 36, I brought him up as a single parent and made many sacrifices to give him a great life. He left university with no debt as I paid all his fees. He has worked hard and has a great job and a great life and I'm incredibly proud of him.

He's not been a bad son, dependent on what girlfriend he has depends what "crumbs" I get, but have never complained and just waited it out for the next girlfriend.

I genuinely know I am blessed, he's healthy, happy and lives just over an hour away. I hear from him at least once a week, and he's currently with a girlfriend who actually "lets" him spend time with me. Even Mother's Day!!

I say this with a slight tongue in cheek as I don't think some women realise how mean they are to their MILs. But whatever, I'm happy and pleased I see him pretty regularly.

We went away this weekend to a family wedding and shared a house that I rented. Now my son is incredibly mean, as was his dad. But don't pick him up on it, he's def been spoiled when he was brought up by me.

Anyway, he was moaning about the noise my car was making so reminded him that I'm single mum to his siblings, who still live at home, and it was a choice of fixing the car or going away this weekend. He understood and very helpfully looked online to see the best price to get it fixed and made me promise that I'd get it done when I got paid.

His gf then said she had the same problem with her car and my son replied saying that would be no problem, was an easy fix and he could do it for about £20.

Honestly I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I was driving at the time and was trying my best not to cry. It really upset me. I'd paid for the whole weekend the food etc and not once had he asked if I wanted anything towards it. And he couldn't be even offer to fix my car.

Would that hurt you too? Or am I just a drama
Llama

No wonder he goes through so many girlfriends

OP, i can imagine you are hurt.....

But surely not surprised?

Your son is mean.

You have tolerated his meanness.

Mean people are not nice people.

Not good.

Not decent.

They are just mean.

It goes to the core of who they are and influences all their interactions with people.

Why are you spending money on him?

At 36 year old, he has plenty, you do not, and you have younger children to look after?

OP, see him for who he is...selfish and mean....most likely why he has lots of girlfriends......who move on.....wise girls.

Accept him for what you have raised...expect nothing but meanness..... and adjust how you behave....he has been allowed to behave like this for so long...he won't change.

Wishing you well

DH used to sporadically contact his mother, forget her birthday etc. She said to me since we've been together he's a better son and it's not because I do things for him, I refuse to. I just pointed out a few times that this woman raised him, put him before herself for many years and he needed to act like a grown up and show her some decency and a small gesture from him meant the world to her. We now see her at least once a week, he calls her and skypes with DS and has called her every day for the last week as she's had had pneumonia before and suffers from chest infections so he's worried she'll get CV. It's not always the fault of the daughter in law.

I just pointed out a few times that this woman raised him, put him before herself for many years and he needed to act like a grown up and show her some decency and a small gesture from him meant the world to her. We now see her at least once a week, he calls her and skypes with DS and has called her every day for the last week as she's had had pneumonia before and suffers from chest infections so he's worried she'll get CV.

But God, @JoshArcherStoleMyTractor, didn't it appall you that it took you saying that to him for him to recognise that assuming this isn't an abusive situation where he's cut contact for good reasons he should occasionally be decent to his mother?

But you only need to read some of the threads on here that will popping up soon about Mothering Sunday to realise how much the the DIL can make the MIL's life hell

Sure, and the many where the dil supports the mil and the ones where the mil makes the dil life hell.

Your sons an adult, if he chooses to not see you or not help you it’s his decision. No one else’s.

I am the one who reminds DP to call his parents and I organise all visits (and sometimes have to bring DCs on my own to make sure they see them). He told me before when he was with his ex, one Christmas he didn't see them. I was shocked as they are a very big close family. What I am saying is some people are just thoughtless. He loves his family but some people are just very lax about making an effort. You sound like a wonderful parent OP.

@billy1966

Ooooch .... that hit!!!

But you are right he is mean. That is def a nature not nurture thing. And he's thoughtless. But he's funny and great fun to be with and will help me if I ask him. And he's my PFB. No matter what age he is!!

Not sure where the controlling and smothering mother comes in. PPs read a lot into a couple of paragraphs. Anyway have def taken some of the posts onboard and hope that when your sons are older you get the DILs you deserve :)

Anyway have def taken some of the posts onboard and hope that when your sons are older you get the DILs you deserve :)

Oh god, don't say that! I remember when I was naughty, my mum would say "I hope your children play you up as much as you do me!". I still have the words ringing in my ears!

Anyway have def taken some of the posts onboard and hope that when your sons are older you get the DILs you deserve

Like you have, you mean?

I'm not sure about this 'crumbs' business. Surely it's a good thing the apron strings are cut and he leads an independent life?

It's still nothing to do with the DIL ffs

OP, i have no doubt you have done your best.

Its funny how if you are going to have a child with a hint of cuteness...it's often the PFB!
My eldest is a boy and when he was younger i definitely saw a tendency towards it...

I don't know where my loathing for meanness comes from...i didn't grow up with it....have studiously avoided men and friends with it... but it is a red rag to a bull for me.

My eldest is now sooooo much better....he was called out on it religiously......and while he is still sensible with what he has.....he has thankfully absorbed, that it is in his own self interest, not to be, nor be perceived as a mean person.

He gets that it is not a nice quality to have. It's ok to be sensible with money, to value it, but to be mean is fundamentally an unlikeable quality that will repel people.

Wishing you well OP

@scarlettblaize yes you're right. I have lovely DIL at the moment. Long may it last :)

And you're right I should remember that!!

@ExServiceWoman If you were my MIL I'd run a fucking mile.

My dil is the best. She rang me in her lunch hour to check we’re ok, we live in France, neither my ds or dd have rung.
My ds went through a period of being rather self absorbed and we occasionally felt rather neglected. Now he’s much more thoughtful and helpful.
The only way with mean people is to pull them up on it, openly.

@ScarlettBlaize Your comments are really nasty and uncalled for.
The OP is understandably hurt by her son’s thoughtless behaviour and your unpleasant response must make it worse.

Mean is not a nature versus nurture issue. It seems like his Dad, his Girlfriend, him, are all to blame except for you. He is not responsible for you being a teenage single mom. He is not mean because of biology.

It sounds like you admit you spoiled him and he is spoiled but blame perceived bad behaviour on any girlfriend he has.

It also seems like you’re inherently negative about any and every such girlfriend, with the weird and bitter references to ‘crumbs’ and him being ‘allowed’ to see you on Mother’s Day.

I’ll be honest, I think this is all on you...

As an aside, you sound like one of those people who blame women for all of men’s downfalls.

@FizzAfterSix I suggest you read the OP's posts properly - her digs at all of her son's terrible previous girlfriends, every single one of whom apparently independently stopped him from seeing his mother. A MIL like that is the kiss of death for any relationship.

Yup Fizz that's exactly what I said! Every girlfriend and women on earth is to blame!

You're one quick cookie! See why you have to be so fucking good at running ;)

You're probably one of those keyboard warriors that wouldn't say boo to a goose in real life. You do make me smile.

Normally I ignore attention seekers like you on threads but I'm bored .... 5 hours of Skype Team meetings does that to you!

All I asked was if I was being a Drama Queen, which it appears I am. So I've taken that on board. You apparently just want to annihilate my parenting skills, coz that's the lonely sad little life you have. Makes you feel better pulling someone else down.

So I've bitten! Well done you, and I genuinely hope you get some peace in your life. You're obviously one very unhappy poster.

OMG fizz I didn't mean you!! I meant that Scarlett poster!!

Bloody hell, 5 hours of Skyping has totally ducked my brain!!!

@ExServiceWoman

If that screed of semi-coherent personal abuse was intended for me, then this:

You're probably one of those keyboard warriors that wouldn't say boo to a goose in real life. You do make me smile.

Really shouldn't make you smile. I'm a lot nicer & gentler online than I am in real life.

Sorry that your son doesn't like you.

Temper temper!

You are being a total drama queen. You have spoiled him, your choice, you paid for the weekend , ? your choice. He prioritses hid GF over his mother, totally normal. He is an adult and should do. What should not be happening is you paying for the weekend. Yes sacrifice for your choldren but not for the adults unless they have an emergency or a dire need. Reflecting back on what you have done is out of order, it is your choice and should not be used as emotional blackmail or to feel aggrieved. I might be annoyed about the car but not upset. If you feel he "owes you" you will drive him right away and infuriate his GF