To put her children first?

[Ineedwine1]

I'm a single parent. Have a DS with respiratory health issues so we are isolating. I've had to cancel my counselling for my anxiety so I'm struggling with that alot. So pretty much alone with a 3 year old.
My parents are of no support. My gran (mums, mum) is in hospital. She has now been diagnosed with dementia. She isn't in any danger and now needs care put into place for her. My mum is up the hospital every day and corona has now been confirmed there. This may sound selfish but I'm upset my parents can't be around to be a support. I understand my mum is upset but surely your child needs your more? I would always put my Child first. I've said to my mum as she's up the hospital every day I can no longer see her because of DS.
She rang earlier and asked why I looked sad. I said because I'm alone with no help or support. I've had to cancel my counselling and can't go to work. She just replied oh OK and then said she had to go. AIBU to wish I had more support. Tbh when ever I've need my parents emotionally in my life they have never been there. They will be there physically but never emotionally

You sound incredibly selfish
You keep saying you haven't put any pressure on your mum - don't you recognise that your passive aggressive guilt-tripping is pressure?

You are an adult and you don't actually need your mum to help with anything yet you want her to ditch her elderly vulnerable mother in hospital so that she can visit her healthy, adult daughter with no additional needs who's chosen to self isolate yet still expects hugs

@Seventyone72seventy3 I wouldn’t mind if the comments weren’t so scathing...

Why can’t you go to work?

(And btw I was on this thread BEFORE you. You then came on this thread to complain about replies on another thread which is a TAAT and rather frowned upon. So it's not me that's stalking).

Your mother is in a horrible position with two generations to support. She knows you are strong and capable, even if you will struggle. We are all going to struggle, but you will find a way. She knows that. Your grandmother probably doesn’t even fully understand what is happening to her.

@BlueMoon1103 are you the poster with the sick child?

I’m going against the grain here. YNBU.

I’m a single mother and my baby was born early and gets sick A LOT. I often have to just stay in and sometimes it’s days and sometimes weeks. Once 6 weeks. I remember sitting and crying looking out the window and feeling they seconds slowly tick by. The endless expanse of time. You are NOT being unreasonable to be anxious and not being unreasonable to want them there. I feel for you. I feel for everyone having to isolate and really feel that sense of total isolation.

However. It’s right your mother is supporting her mother. It’s what she needs to do. You’ll be ok but her mother won’t be.

Stay strong OP. You’ll be ok. This too shall pass.

Anxiety must be a terrible thing, but so often on here the sufferers expect everyone to understand and flock to them, despite having their own lives and priorities. Self help is under-rated.

OP i know we now live in a culture where people feel like they should always be honest but sometimes it really is kinder to think about how you feel (sad, lonely), then think about if the person you're talking to can actually help before offloading. Your problem hasn't halved and now your mum feels under even more stressed and you actually feel worse.

Have you offered your mum any support, given that her mum has dementia and is in a high risk group her stress levels must be sky high right now.

Could you try focusing on the practical aspects of isolating to get you through? Have you got supermarket deliveries booked? Have you got enough things to entertain your 3 year old? Join more internet support groups. Start home baking. That type of thing

Anxiety is extremely debilitating I’m sorry you are suffering at the moment. How old is your child ? Is PND a factor? Has your child got on going health issues? You mention going to the hospital?
It sounds like your counsellor is trying to help you please let her , I think her support would be invaluable. Especially as you seem to have issues around your childhood & mother

It’s a fact that’s taken me a long time to learn but we can’t rely on other people for help & happiness. That comes from knowing our selves , acceptance & letting go with anger
Parents are human & make mistakes . It’s up to us not to repeat them
Focus on yourself , your child & keep on with the counselling
Don’t let your past & anger get in way of your own relationship with yourself & your child x

I haven’t read through all of this but you don’t actually NEED your mum or dad, you just WANT them for support. You mum is close to losing her mum and so wants and feels she needs to be with her.

I think you need to respect that and put her first, rather than yourself. None of us are having a great time at the moment but your mum more so.

Maybe try to arrange your counselling over the phone. Practitioners are being very flexible in this current climate. And also, find an outlet at home so you don’t sit and dwell.