OH and I have just had a massive argument and I am really upset and crying. He thinks I am wrong. I think he is being horrible.
I have been suffering with my mental health badly for the past few years. I feel really low about my appearance and how I look and feel quite ugly most days. My partner does compliment me and say nice things but not daily or anything like that. Yesterday I wore makeup for the first time in ages and he said a few times how pretty I looked. Perhaps I should have taken this as a compliment, but it just made me sad because it made me feel like "why don't you compliment me without makeup? I'm not good enough without makeup". I said to him is it because I've got make up on? Is that why I look nice? And he said i dunno...yeah. this really hurt my feelings because it makes me feel like well i obviously need make up to look attractive :( I said this to him and he said well why do you wear make up, because you like the way it looks, so why cant I?
All I wanted was some reassurance that I am just as pretty without makeup :(
I felt really upset and I went quiet and I needed some time to ground my emotions. He got annoyed at me for being upset so I said I was going to get ready for bed. I didnt want a confrontation. I just wanted it all to go away.
I went to bed and straight away in the morning he jumps down my throat how I am rude for going to bed and not saying goodnight and for fuck sake all I did was say you were pretty. I just sit there on the sofa with tears rolling down my face and he says that there I go again playing the victim, and that the way I treat him is unacceptable and he isnt having it and that he deserves an apology. I feel so bullied and attacked that I feel too scared to even say what my feelings and emotions are because he is so angry that I feel he would use anything against me. I feel powerless and defeated. I say sorry and he says I dont mean it. I'm really upset and I just feel he doesnt understand me at all. All I wanted was some reassurance and I felt his compliment was a little back handed. We have just moved in together and now I feel like I have made a huge mistake.
I had to go to my old house today to clean it ready for handing the keys back and take some furniture to the skip. He promised to help me but refused to come because I didnt apologise and because I wasmt talking. But I coyldnt talk to him because he was being so hostile. :(
I have messaged him asking him to come and help because I cant carry the furniture on my ow and he said I should have thought about that before being so rude and that he isnt helping. I've asked friends but noone is free at such last minute. I'm sat here crying in my empty old house and with old bookcases and stuff upstairs that I cant carry down :(