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Original poster

Boyfriend is drunk off his arse

123 replies

aroseaday · 15/03/2020 05:50

I went out last night/tonight with my girlfriends to a gig. I knew he was annoyed I was going out without him before but it was a girls night only (we are all early/mid twenties btw).

We've lived together for 3 years now and I've never ONCE seen him drunk. He hasn't been out with friends to drink all night since I've known him, just the odd pint and a game of pool, back by 11 scenario which is fine.

I didn't know he was going out. I left at 9 and got home by 1am to an empty house, dishes not done, bed not made, dog not walked etc and no reply from him. Cue worrying! He eventually texts me that he's out with mates and will be back soon. Come 3.30am he's stumbling in verbally abusing me (telling me to fuck off/go get on someone else etc) and literally unable to walk 2 feet without falling. Turns out he's been doing shots.

I sent him to sleep on the sofa as he was too drunk to shower and keeps throwing up. Got up for a wee and the toilet, toilet bowl, bath rim and wall are covered in vomit. Cleaned all that up for 30mins and he comes back in to puke again where he currently is.

I have no idea who this man is. I have severe anxiety and emetophobia so this is really pushing my limits atm and I've been crying.

Bet he'll be out of commission tomorrow too so everything will be left to me to clean as we only have one bathroom and I'm not using it in that state!

OP posts:
Original poster
aroseaday · 15/03/2020 07:00

@RobynSH Dogs sleeping soundly so don't want to wake him.Grin

The sofa is so uncomfortable to sleep on so I can't be bothered to move, just opening the bedroom window really wide.

I don't drive, I only had one drink too so completely sober now! Unfortunately I don't have any friends with children so I don't think we know each other but I'd still like to take you up for that early morning coffee!WinkGrin

OP posts:
Original poster
aroseaday · 15/03/2020 07:00

@Bluetrews25 you're right.Sad

OP posts:
Catting · 15/03/2020 07:01

Leave him. This event will be what you look back on and wish you'd acted on if you stay.
He is punishing you for not being controlled by his sulking, he will only have to up his game if you still don't start 'behaving'.
Leave. him.

aleC4 · 15/03/2020 07:05

Do you have the money to check j to a local
Hotel for the day and catch up on sleep?
Maybe a nice long soak in the bath with a clean bed?
And when you get back I think you need to seriously evaluate your relationship. It doesn't sound healthy and you dont sound happy.

batmancave · 15/03/2020 07:11

Make him clean up his mess. He sounds disgusting.

Shoxfordian · 15/03/2020 07:16

He's controlling you and its not ok
Don't stay with him

PhilipJennings · 15/03/2020 07:16

I agree, this is controlling behaviour. And it's very worrying. Getting upset when you spend time with friends (to make it harder for you and eventually get you to decide seeing friends isn't worth the aggro) is an isolation tactic. It's emotionally abusive - designed to get you to walk on eggshells around his moods. Is he like this when you spend time talking to your family members as well? Is he critical of what you wear, saying you're obviously going out on the pull?

He doesn't really think you're cheating, of course he doesn't. It's a test. You have to perform modesty/faithfulness/loyalty and change your behaviour to please him. And making you do this is the goal. Your loyalty isn't in doubt, this is just how he gets you to conform.

You didn't, and now he's punishing you. And he feels entitled to do it.

Take the quiz on www.loveisrespect.org and see if there are more red flags than just this.

CodenameVillanelle · 15/03/2020 07:17

Controlling
Verbally abusive
Emotionally abusive
Neglected the dogs
Please reconsider this relationship. And definitely never ever have children with him

AlexDrake1981 · 15/03/2020 07:35

Please leave this man aroseaday. An ex-boyfriend of mine was like this, so I have experience. It will never, ever get better.

He is absolutely punishing you for daring to defy his wishes. And like op's say, he will up his game in order the get you to 'behave'. Also, be prepared for him trying to convince you that his behaviour is a result of your actions, not his.

There isn't even a word to describe how much I loathe people like this. Flowers for you my lovely, and stay strong. Leaving might seem daunting, but a lifetime with this cretin, will be far, far worse. X

LaStreng · 15/03/2020 07:36

Once I read your comment that he also hates you going our midweek I stopped reading. Get the fuck out. It does not get any better. I'm telling you from the experience of marrying a man that "just wanted us to spend more time together".

No excuse for the verbal abuse either. He's shown you who he is, if you stay you're singing up to that being at the whim of his stupid insecurities.

LaStreng · 15/03/2020 07:38

I know it's tempting to not tell your friends or family out of embarrassment and to hide this thread and hope things get better, but they rarely do. And you should definitely talk to a close friend or family member. So they have it on their radar that he's a bit dodgy and can help you have some perspective irl Flowers

Sicario · 15/03/2020 07:42

He is jealous, insecure and possessive.

He does not want you to have friend and a social life.

He deliberately set out to sabotage your enjoyment by behaving like a man child.

MASSIVE RED FLAGS.

Get rid and move on.

copycopypaste · 15/03/2020 07:48

This is obviously another tactic to try and stop you going out.

OP, there is no reason why you shouldn't socialise with friends, in-fact it's great and healthy. Him trying to making it difficult is wrong and abusive.

Unfortunately it will only get worse. Fgs do not have dc with this man. He will try and alienate you from family and friends, my advice is to seriously think about things and your relationship, if you think this is bad wait till you're married, with dc and you're a stay at home mum with no access to finances, no car, no friends and no contact with family.

MaomiMak · 15/03/2020 07:48

I sent him to sleep on the sofa as he was too drunk to shower and keeps throwing up. Got up for a wee and the toilet, toilet bowl, bath rim and wall are covered in vomit. Cleaned all that up for 30mins and he comes back in to puke again where he currently is.

You can't be that anxious over vomit because I couldn't have entered that bathroom.

You cleaned it up?!

I would have peed in the kitchen sink if I had to or into a jug and emptied in the sink and left the vomit covered bathroom for him to clean the next morning.

He actually would have woken up to find me gone as I would have gone out and left the bathroom as it was.

I would have discussed it with him later calmly but I would have walked out and left that mess for him to clean up.

MaomiMak · 15/03/2020 07:49

Yes and the jealousy over you going out is very bad.

JudyCoolibar · 15/03/2020 07:55

I agree that what is most worrying about all this is his determination to control when you go out and who with, and his jealousy. It's obviously not going to get any better. Please start making plans to leave.

As for today, I suggest you tell him (or leave a note) to say you are not prepared to stay in the house till he has cleaned up thoroughly and apologised, and go out to a friend's.

Modestandatinybitsexy · 15/03/2020 07:56

Go out for breakfast, followed by a day at the cinema or hairdressers or go to your parents for Sunday lunch. Just get out the house and let him know what an arse he's been and the state you expect the house on when - or if - you get back.

He does sound very controlling though and I'd be weighing up my options and planning on leaving him over the trend of resentful behaviour when you see your friends.

cherrylovex3 · 15/03/2020 07:57

MaomiMak who are you to tell the OP she cant be that anxious? possibly she cleaned it up because she couldnt handle the smell or knowledge that it was there and it was easier to quickly get it done then leave it

I personally wouldn't of cleaned it because why should I but then I dont gave anxiety over vomit

so rude

MaomiMak · 15/03/2020 07:59

I personally wouldn't say would of @cherrylovex3.

But there you go.

MaomiMak · 15/03/2020 07:59

Or wouldn't of.

You meant wouldn't have cleaned it, not of?

differentnameforthis · 15/03/2020 08:02

verbally abusing me (telling me to fuck off/go get on someone else etc)

This is indeed abuse, and the alcohol did not make him do this.

The alcohol made the mask slip, and made it hard for him to hide who he is. Please be careful going forward. Once the mask slips, they often feel like they have nothing to lose.

cherrylovex3 · 15/03/2020 08:04

very helpful to the OP and this thread in general maomi, grateful for people like you on here

Biscuit
Kpo58 · 15/03/2020 08:05

Leave him.

Leave him now.

Imagine if you stayed around long enough to have a baby with him. He would be telling you to leave the baby to scream until it vomits as it's taking too much attention from him.

Fuckmesideways · 15/03/2020 08:05

@aroseaday
I have nowhere to go and I don't want to tell my friends/family as it's so embarrassing!

Simple - text a friend “Hi Lucy, fancy a bit of company today? Dave’s got a hell of a hangover so I’m giving him room to recover!x”

It’s not embarrassing, instead it’s shining you in a good light!

DrManhattan · 15/03/2020 08:10

What an immature prick

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