Some really kind people have organised me a surprise.

[OhioOhioOhio]

And I fucking hate surprises. Why wouldn't they have just told me about it?

Because they want to surprise you, even though you hate surprises.

I don't like surprises either but others like to organise them and see your reaction etc as it makes then feel good.

Why does it make them feel good?

I just feel angry I wasn't included.

Get over yourself and stop being ungrateful.

I know. But I can't.

Presumably, they’re surprising you with something lovely because they love you very much. I hope you don’t show your ingratitude to them.

I wouldn’t be grateful for something I didn’t want!

I’d probably be able to just get on with it because it’s not really a biggie, but I wouldn’t be effusively thankful!

Do they know you hate surprises? Actually, does anyone particularly like them, especially if it is an activity or something?

Close friends did this, I really didn’t want a hen do, at all and had expressed this, they organised a small do, but it still involved 5 hours each way travel, boozy nights out and expense, which were the main things I wanted to avoid!

It was well meant.

Get over yourself and stop being ungrateful

Op, YANBU. Not everyone likes surprises so you don’t need to “get over yourself”.

“Lovely” is subjective.

Many of us don’t find surprises or others being put to expense “lovely”.

Do they know you don't like surprises? If so YANBU. All my friends and family are very aware never too throw me a surprise party for example

I totally understand where you're coming from coming from.
I hate surprises.

My dh organised a surprise trip for me some years ago for a big birthday. It was to Rome where I've always wanted to go.
He didn't consider weather, my birthday is in August. I've never been so hot and tired!
I did enjoy it but if I'd been involved I would have booked it for May or Oct.

In this context I would choose one person in the group that I trusted. Take them out to coffee. Say to them, look I hate surprises, buthat you guys love me and wanted to do it. So why don't you tell me what is going on, allow me to veto anything I would hate, and I will arrive, suitabled dressed and put on a lovely surprised face, and then we will all have a nice time.

For me, it would be

1. I would want to be wearing the right thing.
2. I might want certain people there that they wouldn't know about
3. There are certain things I woudl HATE and would want to make sure they didn't happen.

If you get in on the act secretly, you can avoid the above and everyone is happy

I hate surprises
I am a practical person and a planner
So no surprises thanks!

You know about the surprise?

I get you, I hate surprises too.

Well it is a surprise of course they won't tell you, is it a party ?

One of my dc hates surprises it causes her anxiety so I fully understand, can you not just say look I know about the thing I really am uncomfy with surprises so can we just not do it.

YANBU OP. My family arranged for my adult DC to come home for a week from abroad for my "big" birthday. While it was wonderful to see him - I would have loved to have that 5 months of anticipation that they had!

Also, on the morning that he arrived, I was sound asleep and when he stuck his head inside the bedroom door I got a fright. And when I woke up properly I found myself wondering, what should my reaction be? I'm not a screamer; I was horribly conscious however of my DH filming and felt that I was expected to be something more than I was.

However - enjoy the surprise. Have your game face on!

I hate surprises, too. And if people insist on foisting them on those they know don't like them, those people are dicks who care more about themselves than the recipient.

I hate surprises. They make me really anxious as I really hate being put on the spot or all eyes on me.

Out of interest what was the surprise? If it was a baby shower I would have been even more annoyed 😑

This is really sad. I am 60 and never had a surprise holiday/party/meal.
Just be grateful you have people who care enough about you to do this .

I’d it is a party, I expect it will be cancelled now anyway.

Close friends did this, I really didn’t want a hen do, at all and had expressed this, they organised a small do, but it still involved 5 hours each way travel, boozy nights out and expense, which were the main things I wanted to avoid!

My friend wanted just a boring dinner and drinks for hers and got really worried at the idea of horrible costumes, a stripper, embarrassing games etc and asked me to tell her if anything above her low key dinner was planned. It was and I did tell and the dinner was cancelled. People were pretty mad at me but the bride was happy and I’d have wanted the same.

It's ok not to like surprises OP, even if it was well-meant. I am autistic and I HATE surprises. They cause me a huge amount of anxiety and on occasion complete meltdown, which has made me appear embarrassingly ungrateful and rude 😢