Some really kind people have organised me a surprise.

[OhioOhioOhio]

And I fucking hate surprises. Why wouldn't they have just told me about it?

@OhioOhioOhio how do you know this.Did someone say something.

Cause if someone told you,its not a surprise is it.

It’s either a failure of empathy (they would like a surprise whatever and therefore are completely incapable of believing you when you say you wouldn’t) or as previous posters have said, a preference for getting credit for how caring they are from the wider circle of friends / family rather than actually caring about the recipients feelings.

I suppose there is a small subset of people who have managed to completely misunderstand the wishes of the recipient because their attempts to sound out what that person would like have been so subtle the person they are speaking to hasn’t realised what they were getting at. I have more sympathy for those people.

As it would be all about them and not at all about me I really would turn round and walk back out again.

Everyone who knows me would know I'd hate a surprise party. I'd actually hate a party even if I knew about it first!

I'm with the ones who hate 'lovely surprises' which involve lots of outgoing, extrovert things. I am neither outgoing, nor extrovert, and I would have any 'surprises' (no matter who well meant) which put me out of my comfort zone. I hate walking into rooms full of people (whether I know them or not) and I hate being expected to 'enjoy' things I really don't enjoy. A surprise is not 'kind' if it involves making the person to whom it is given feel uncomfortable! It's not about what the organisers might enjoy, it's about knowing what the recipient would enjoy.

I also hate surprises.

Can you tell us more about it so we can empathize? Is it a big surprise?

When friends know each other really well they shouldn’t ever do something for another friend that they really don’t like, just because they like it themselves. I have a friend who would hate a tacky hen do so I’ve had to massively reign another friend in. I hate people coming to my house unannounced so my friends always text me first.

I had a social outing organised for me last week. It wasn't even a surprise but it still irked me. I smiled through gritted teeth, while everyone else ate drank and were merry. The bill was picked up by DP. Hopefully they enjoyed it and in future refrain from organising a night out that ended up costing us a fucking fortune.

Has it already happened? If not how did you find out? Also what is the surprise?!

Just be grateful you have people who care enough about you to do this

But is it caring to do that to someone you know, or suspect, doesn't like surprises?

Get over yourself and try to be gracious

Get over yourself? Really? Why?!

get over yourself and try to be gracious
@Carrie7469
Why the fuck should the op be gracious about a surprise that a) she doesn't want and b) hates surprises anyway.
What in that is there to be gracious about.

Get over yourself and stop being ungrateful
See I completely disagree with this. Why should I be grateful for something that I hate? My family know I would hate this, so if it was organised it wouldn't be for my benefit away all.

Surprises are like public proposals.

Pure manipulation.

If you cant tell someone what going on and need to blackmail them into acting in an appropriate way then you shouldn't be doing it.

Who's it for. Them or you

*at all!

Come on op, what's the surprise??

I'm with you OP. My dsis organised a surprise party for my 40th even though she knew I didn't want a party at all. I heard about it a couple of hours before the event (dniece said a little too loudly "it's Trapped's party later don't forget" to a friend in the pub we were all at). When the time came for everyone to go to Dsis's for a "quiet drink" I said "yep be there in a bit just finishing my drink first" To this day I don't know how long it was before Dsis realised that when I said I didn't want a party I meant it, because I never went.

Just tell whoever has organised the surprise that you know about it or do what I did and not turn up.

Good for you, Trapped! What was the fall out like?!

@trappedsincesundaymorn

That seems a bit mean. I appreciate you don't like surprises but couldn't you have just turned up for one drink with your sister and friends? Not turning up at all seems incredibly rude to me.

@OhCaptain yup. Heavily pregnant. Quite embarrassed now.

Once they took everything away and it was a large group having cake and a cup of tea, I was fine again.

No excuse really, other than hormones. And a deep hatred of baby showers even when at my most rational.

Uh I loath this shit, why do people want to push this shit. Dh did this for my 30th, we were supposed to go for a dinner and a drink after, dh had all my family and a few friends sitting in the pub when we walked in. I am told my face fell and not in nice way, I just couldn't believe he didn't listen when I explicitly told him I didnt want a party, I was not coy about that fact. I made the best of it but it really made me think about why he would go through with something he knew I'd hate.

I appreciate you don't like surprises but couldn't you have just turned up for one drink with your sister and friends?

Why should she? She'd clearly already been for drinks with them. Why would she put herself through something she explicitly didn't want just because someone refused to listen to her wishes? Genuinely, why?

@vegansprinkle I do feel for you but I'm laughing so much! You shouldn't be embarrassed. They should have known not to pull something like that on a hormonal, pregnant woman!

Magnolia Justice
Why is mean to not turn up to something that you don't want to do, has been organised by someone that knows you hate surprises.
It's incredibly rude to force a sister to do something that she doesn't want to do.
Well done Trapped

Good for you, Trapped! What was the fall out like?!

It was a bit surreal......She did ask why I didn't turn up. I said that I got talking to someone I hadn't seen for a while (not invited to the party) and by the time I left it was late, I was tired so I went home as it was only for a "quiet drink" I thought would probably have gone to bed as well.

Not turning up at all seems incredibly rude to me.

Doing something for somebody knowing full well they won't like it, is not only incredibly rude but selfish to me. As it was supposed to be my party then why should somebody else decide who gets invited, what to eat, drink etc. She wanted a party she had one.