Some really kind people have organised me a surprise.

[OhioOhioOhio]

And I fucking hate surprises. Why wouldn't they have just told me about it?

YANBU. My dd gets so anxious about surprises that it can make her physically ill. I hate them too, don't see the point.

Why is it expected to be grateful for someone doing something to you that you hate?

Because the rest of the world know better than you of course! So even though it's a surprise, which you hate, possibly doing something you hate, you will in fact love it proving them right all along.

YANBU. I hate surprises and I hate any celebration of my birthday. If anyone organised me a surprise birthday party I wouldn't be in the least grateful. It would be entirely for them and what they wanted to do and bugger all to do with doing something for me

I HATE surprises! I'd really, really hate this.

Do the people know you well enough to know how much you'd hate it? Was it a party?

I’m with you OP. Hate surprises, love to plan and enjoy the anticipation of something I really want to do. Many things that other people seem to love are my worst nightmare, but I’m very introverted.
A surprise party would be awful and luckily dh knows this.
Before we got engaged I told him if he ever sprang a surprise public proposal on me I would say no without question, because he should know better than that. Sensible man proposed at home, so I married him.
If you can head this surprise off before you get landed with it, I would. It’s not about you at all, it’s about the organisers wanting to be so special. Just no.

It's not kind to arrange a surprise party for someone who's consistently and repeatedly said she doesn't like them. I would hate it for all the reasons everyone else has already given.

Why does it make them feel good?

I always wonder WTH they think, that YOU will think, that it’s a lovely surprise. Do these people not know you at All?
What is the surprise OP?
I do know of one person who got wind of a surprise party and she just didn’t show up. She took herself off to a budget hotel whilst a venue full of people were left waiting for her to arrive. Imagine the organisers having to explain that to a clueless room full of partygoers!

i had this.i got really upset.because i didnt want it due to anxiety with this type of thing.
but in the end i just thought she loves me that whys she did it.there was never one ounce of malice she could have thought this up on.and everything she does is because she loves me and would never ever ever cause me pain.and in her own way she couldnt let it just go by without doing something.
years later i still remember the fear but more how much bloody effort she put in for me over and over again no matter how i puhed it away.an that i think make her all the more amazing to this day.

I was once thrown a surprise baby shower. I hate baby showers and I could not hide my disdain. (I sobbed and hid in the corner until they removed all the party paraphernalia).
I am now really embarrassed about my reaction. It was their way of showing that they cared and that they wanted to celebrate me and my life events.

Try to see it through the eyes of love, smile, and say thank you.
Then come on mumsnet and rant about it anonymously

I woukld absolutely hate that, OP. I don't blame you.

Do they know you don't like surprises? If so, they're being quite thoughtless.
Still, at least you know something is happening so it's not a total shock.

Ooh Op, know your place & be grateful.

If you don't like something, how it´s it thoughtful of someone to organise it for you?

Aren't they only thinking of themselves?

They can hardly complain if you don't go along to whatever it is if they knew how you felt and you've been very clear in expressing your desire NOT to have whatever it is. It may have come from a place of good intentions (oh they'll obviously love it when they're there style) but effectively 'guilt-forcing' someone into something they expressly don't want to attend isn't as kind a gesture as they clearly think it is. It can put a lot of pressure on socially awkward people for example.

I don't like surprises either but others like to organise them and see your reaction etc as it makes then feel good
My reaction to a surprise wouldn't make anyone feel good. It might make them feel terrified, they might think they need handcuffs for me. They might have never realised how fucking fast they can run when they have to, because they will run when they see my reaction.

(I sobbed and hid in the corner until they removed all the party paraphernalia).

Really??

Before we got engaged I told him if he ever sprang a surprise public proposal on me I would say no without question, because he should know better than that.

Those are just cringe, attention-seeking ego boosting that puts the recipient on the spot.

I was once thrown a surprise baby shower. I hate baby showers and I could not hide my disdain. (I sobbed and hid in the corner until they removed all the party paraphernalia).

I would have done similar. Would probably have walked out and just about managed to not cry till I was out of sight but no way would I have gone for the grin and bear it approach

Why is it expected to be grateful for someone doing something to you that you hate?

Because the organiser/s are looking for that feel good validation that they've done something good. It doesn't actually matter that you don't like it, because it's not really about you.

The posters who are saying you should be grateful need to cop on here. If you really loved someone, you wouldn't organise a surprise if they said they don't like surprises. Going ahead and organising something that you would like isn't really showing love, it's you looking to bask in the public love for organising it.

My family know I hate surprises, and I know they wouldn't organise one.

God I hate surprises.
I don't even like opening birthday or Xmas cards or presents in front of people.
I come across as the most ungrateful recipient ever. I think I have a rubbish poker face and my true feelings always out themselves.
I married into a family who love to sit in a circle opening cards and presents with all their expectant looks and 'well don't you just love it!' 'I saw it and immediately thought of you!' 'You said you liked purple'. I cringe.
I hate being the centre of attention. I'm a much better deputy.

Going ahead and organising something that you would like isn't really showing love, it's you looking to bask in the public love for organising it.

Absolutely.

I hate surprises too.
I still cringe at the memory of my DH driving me somewhere for a 'surprise' many years ago. I had no idea what to expect - no hints or anything...I had wrongly assumed it was to do with food.
Then realisation dawned that I was getting near to where my hairdresser lived. She used to come to our house to cut my hair. Then I remembered she'd recently trained to do massages....
There I was, with hairy legs and non-matching old saggy underwear!!!!
I refused to get out of the car and my DH had to go and sheepishly explain to her that I wouldn't be having a massage after all.
Bloody Men!

It's worse to think you're getting a surprise but then dont!

People who organise surprises, generally do it to be all about them, and how wonderful they are for going to so much effort, blah blah blah. It's usually something they would like aswell, with very little thought as to the recipients preference.

This is probably quite outing but every single time we're at a family event with music, or if we're on holidays, my BIL requests a particular song for us all to dance to.

It's SO cringey. None of us has any special love for this song. It has no special meaning. And every single time without fail, we fail to give him the reaction he's looking for.

His wife gets pissed off with him. He sulks because it hasn't gone the way he wanted. We all just feel uncomfortable for three minutes.

It's so bizarre and it's 100% about him. He wants attention. He wants us all to think he's great. Ridiculous!