I ended my relationship with him over his disapproving Father.

[ims0rrydarlingg]

Posted here before about a situation where my fiancé's father disapproved of me and I was basically sitting around waiting for him to approve of our relationship.

Despite them knowing we we're together, his dad was trying to set him up with other girls etc.

I have finally walked away with a heavy heart.

He doesn't seem too bothered if I'm honest, as I haven't heard from him all day. I ended it this morning.

We're long distance and both from a Pakistani family.

Guess he didn't want me as much as he claimed.

Feel rubbish and the only reason I've not cried my eyes out is because I'm in work.

His silence may not mean he doesn't care. When a parent disapproves, it's hard. It could be he wants to shout from the rooftops to get you back but he's unsure of his father's reaction. On the other hand, if his silence is him showing how little he cared, you were wise to walk away OP. I'm sorry its ended like this but concentrate on you and your life. If you break up, it's for good reason.

Why did he disapprove?

Sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet

Sorry to hear you’re sad but I would see it as a bullet dodged. Disapproving inlaws are a big stressor in relationships but if your partner stands up for you I (believe) it can work. Sounds like your ex wasn’t doing that and take it from me. It would only have become worse once you got married. And worse still after you had kids. You deserve much, much better

Great minds, @wintermaiden

@wintermaiden They disapproved because I was his own choice and not via the arranged route. Also his dad thinks I'm fat and unattractive.

He had an arranged marriage before which ended in divorce.

Sorry to hear this , I think you made the right decision though.
I’m sure he does care . Was it over the phone or in a message ?

He was a weak man if, after his previous marriage he was still unable to stick to his convictions and be so influenced by his father.

It’s sad but you’ve avoided a very difficult marriage.

I know it hurts right now but you've done the right thing! Good for you, you deserve better x

Surely if he's a divorcee, then there's cast iron proof that the pathetic old bastard can't choose the right wife for his son.

I remember you from your previous thread. I'm sorry to hear how upsetting this is for you, but from everything you've written, it's absolutely the right choice to walk away. I'm sure you'll look back on this from a happier relationship in your future and be so glad you had the strength to end it.
Look after yourself through this sadness and then move on to enjoy the rest of your life.

You've done the right thing. He was never going to prioritise you over his family and he might feel confused now, because on one hand his fathers happy and he doesn't have to choose, but on the other hand he loses you.

Don't sit around waiting for him to contact you. You deserve a man whose got your back.

@Fluffybutter It was over the phone. He called me saying he was annoyed with his dad about something and in a really bad mood. I asked him whether he has had a chat with his dad as he said on Tuesday he would. He said no. So I said I've waited long enough and won't be doing it anymore. He was fine with that. Haven't heard since.

I feel angry at myself for not walking away the first time they disapproved. Would have saved me a lot of heartache.

I feel like a mug. Despite everything I've stayed with him and been supportive emotionally, financially etc. And he didn't even put up a fight today. Just left me to it.

Please don’t think that, you loved him so hoped it would change . It’s definitely not a reflection on you that he is a selfish prick .
You honestly deserve a lot more and I’m sure you’ll find it .

Through the pain we learn.
Despite a miserable, failed arranged marriage he still hasn't learnt to put his personal happiness above cultural expectations.....or learnt to cut the apron strings and be his own man.
YOU deserve better than that.

It might be worth re-assessing your own boundaries too.
How did you end up supporting him financially despite being long-distance?
Why would you do that?

OP I’ve read your posts about this man before. He’s a Terri or bet, and I honestly think you can do a on much better and you’re well rid.

God sorry

Terrible bet

Can do much better

This is sad and I do know how it feels to put a lot into something and it feels like it was all for nothing.

But it wasn't. Yoube changed and grown as a person enough to end it. We shouldn't continue with a mistake just because we spent a lot of time (&effort )making it. I agree with pps, you have avoided a difficult life here.

So I said I've waited long enough and won't be doing it anymore. He was fine with that. Haven't heard since
Are you sure he realises you've ended it?

I know you're unhappy right now but really, it sounds like its all for the best.

I remember a previous thread by you, OP, and I’m delighted you’ve ended things. Life has more to offer you than being treated like a slightly defective prize cow by two misogynists.

Next time only consider a potential partner who’s wildly into you and doesn’t have a dysfunctional relationship to his father.

I can’t remember whether you said last time, but are you in the UK and this pair of beauties were actually in Pakistan?

That took courage. Well done for recognising that you are worth more than this.

I saw your previous thread, OP. Don't feel like a mug. You met someone you liked and gave it a good go. No shame in that. You've made the right decision though. It would have been a tough and upsetting marriage being bullied by his family and you deserve 10000x better.

Good work in setting a boundary and sticking to it (him speaking to his father on tues).

I don't know whether he was beaten down psychologically himself or plain old spineless but to be honest, even if he had stuck up for you and the dad had been civil, this would have been hard, knowing the father was being a tosser somewhere behind your back, trying to sabotage the relationship if he could.

@monkeymonkey2010 Regarding financial aspects, I meant giving money for fuel or buying him things. Paid towards his car at the garage etc to get it fixed. He got into some financial difficulties and was transparent about it, so I helped out here and there.