AIBU not to want to live where my boyfriend has chosen to live

[Petals23]

So we're together nearly 4 years. We were living in the same town, each with our own properties. After 2 years together he decided to move to another town 1 hour away. As a result we see less of each other. This is not a place I'd choose to live as I have an hour's commute to my job anyway and he lives other direction and if I was travelling from there in rush hour traffic it would be about 4 and a half hours in car each day. We haven't really discussed moving in together but he knows that I wouldn't be on for doing this - anyway I like the town I live in and feel this was totally his decision. I know there's no way he'd consider living in my cottage as he thinks his place is superior, hasn't said this outright but in a roundabout way refers to it. A while ago he said to me I can be stubborn at times, which annoyed me as I know I'm not, and I know he was probably referring to our situation. I don't think I'm being unreasonable or stubborn, am I?

[sweeneytoddsrazor]

Well neither of you have discussed moving in together so you are both free to do what works best for both of you. Do you both make an equal effort to see each other or is it all one sided? If you both still enkoy spending time together and you both make the same effort then you need to decide if that is enough or if you wish for more. If you want more then is the time to discuss what works for both of you.

[GiveHerHellFromUs]

You've been together 4 years, haven't discussed your future and he's moved an hour away from you. I think I'd call time on the relationship.

[Thelnebriati]

Its a red flag for future controlling behaviour that he expects you to walk away from your life, and calls you stubborn when you don't.

[5foot5]

I think this relationship might have run its course.

By "stubborn" I assume he means that you won't just fall in with his wishes or put him first all the time.

[OoohTheStatsDontLie]

I'd take this as a big hint from him that your relationship is not a priority to him and it's not going to progress. Unless it involved him going there for his dream job or something, if hes just decided to move away from you because he wanted to live there, then he doesn't see you two as a team

[MysteriesOfTheOrganism]

I don't believe anyone would move further away from someone they were passionate about and saw a future with - at least not without some discussion about where the relationship was heading. I suspect you need to call it a day and move on.

[AlwaysCheddar]

This relationship is over.

[Winterwoollies]

As you haven’t discussed moving in together anyway this is rather a moot point, no?

[TopsyTheReindeer]

Tbh unless there's a hell of a reason for the relocation, I'd take moving an hour away from you after 2 years as a fairly big hint.

This!

Why on earth would you relocate for someone who did this?!

[DonnaDarko]

Tbh unless there's a hell of a reason for the relocation, I'd take moving an hour away from you after 2 years as a fairly big hint.

I agree with this too, sorry. It doesn't sound like he see this as a long term relationship.

[Petals23]

Thanks for all your input. He didn't move there for work or anything. Someone he knows lives there, he used to visit and liked it. We've never discussed living together; the only time he mentioned it was when he said "it's a fine property; who knows, if you're lucky you could end up living here too". That was before he moved in and he's never mentioned it since. At the time I made it clear I'd done a commute a similar distance before and I'd never do it again. I think I've become resigned to the fact that we'll end up living apart and that's just the way it'll be. We're both late 40s.

[MzHz]

Urgh he’s an arrogant one, isn’t he?

[Friendsofmine]

This is going to take a lot of effort to keep up and I'm not sure this guy is worth it?

[SuburbanFraggle]

You would be better off alone. This turd will chip away at your self esteem.

[NotStayingIn]

“it's a fine property; who knows, if you're lucky you could end up living here too"

’Oh fuck right off you pompous twat’ would have been my internal dialogue to that.

I don’t know, he sounds like a bit of a tosser. But I guess you know him so only you can tell.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

Why would you need to be 'lucky' to live there? With him? What...nearly in the immortal words of the song...has luck got to do with it?

[Nanny0gg]

I think I've become resigned to the fact that we'll end up living apart and that's just the way it'll be

Why don't you resign yourself to dumping him? He has no thought for you so why are you bothering?

[Betty1233]

I’d end this relationship .

[Petals23]

Good to know I'm not being stubborn, even though I didn't think I was - I just have no intention of moving to a location that I had no input into and that doesn't suit me because of my job etc.

We only see each other at weekends since also as before we were in the same town and always saw each other during the week.

Because of this, rather than being stubborn, I believe I've been very accommodating!

[Dozer]

You’d be “lucky” to move 2 hours away from your work to live in his property?

This relationship isn’t going to last, the time you spend with him is just passing time, so it’d be much better to invest your time and attention in other things - friends, family, your interests.

[AngstyAnnie]

Do either of you have DC OP?

[billy1966]

He sounds likek a prat.....i think you should be "lucky" and move on from him.

You are wasting your time OP.

You can do better.

[TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup]

Why should you resign yourself to living apart?! Just dump him and find a less arrogant partner who doesn't move away on a whim!

[Nanny0gg]

So why are you staying with him? Are you happy with the current situation?

He's clearly not bothered.

[VettiyaIruken]

You plan to stay with him don't you?

Fuck me, talk about crumbs from his table.

You deserve better but you won't get it from him.