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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with SIL?

138 replies

hallomother · 12/03/2020 16:44

I realised recently I had accumulated a lot of clubcard points. Because of all the panic buying I thought I'd share them around a bit and offer some online shops to members of the family who might need a bit extra.
I offered a shop to SIL and she accepted - I've just finalised everything and seen that she's used the shop for four bottles of champagne, some tea towels and a bedding set.
I'm a bit because everyone else has used theirs to get some tins etc in, but also feel like I can't say anything because it's up to her what she spends it on!
But now I feel guilty as I feel like I should have just ordered a load of stuff for a food bank instead!

AIBU to be irritated by this?

OP posts:

underfall · 13/03/2020 14:35

”And as for mumsnet being obtuse I meant in regards to loving to pick apart a post and ignore the actual point of it. Ie, 'you are being unreasonable for giving away your points'. Not what I asked, is it?”

Very valid question IMO, and one you should be asking yourself. We (humans) don’t always have a lot of insight into why we do things.

I think your sister-in-law has handled the awkward situation very gracefully. Go thou and do likewise.

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 13/03/2020 14:38

That was a very nice gesture of you. Very nice of you to look out for your family. I would be very annoyed by this. Can't believe she just got champagne for herself and no extra food or any treats for her children. Very selfish of her and quite frankly taking the piss. You should say that's your Sil's birthday and Christmas present sorted

Massivetree · 13/03/2020 16:27

Jesus how many points did you have

Watermelontea · 13/03/2020 18:02

That was a really nice thing to do, and it sounds like she wanted to treat herself to some things she wouldn’t be able to afford normally.
Maybe she needed a new duvet cover as her old one was tatty and is saving that champagne for presents and special occasions. Tea towels aren’t particularly extravagant though.
YABU to be upset unless you stipulated what they were for, YANBU to be a bit surprised if she’s that hard up that she spent it on a strange, small assortment of items.

jackie2669 · 13/03/2020 18:02

Ignore the comments .you have already explained you pick up the odd extra tin not a trolly full ..if your sil is struggling I'm surprised about all the champagne I would say to her one bottle champagne rest food .can you not have word with brother and explain I would certainly not let anyone buy that if they are struggling .

underfall · 13/03/2020 18:11

Lol - too late - unless the OP plans to deliver a dressing-down 😡 to the sister-in-law.

Or put her in the stocks and hurl champagne corks. 😂

clarehhh · 13/03/2020 18:21

Next time do shop for food bank

monkeymonkey2010 · 13/03/2020 18:44

SIL is hard up. She has mentioned this. So I thought I'd do a good deed

Now you know she's a lying/deceptive cow.
She knows you're an easy pushover for a sob story so trots it out - expecting 'help'.......which she then abuses deliberately knowing that YOU can't/won't say anything because it would make YOU look bad.

You live and learn eh?
I'd just cancel the products....and send her a text saying it's for food/household supplies ONLY as per her complaints about being 'hard up'.

Gohardorgohome · 13/03/2020 20:40

Your sister in law sounds ace!

Zombiemum1946 · 13/03/2020 21:13

OP I realise this is nobody's business and yes she should share some of the champagne with you. But just what is she doing with the bed set and champagne !!!! Props for the thoughtful gesture.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 13/03/2020 22:04

YABU - Your sil sounds great! I love it!
You didn’t stipulate, it was a gift.

simiisme · 13/03/2020 22:15

I'd probably joke about it o social media, as some others have suggested.
Lesson learned, just don't offer any help again.

Simba999 · 13/03/2020 22:18

Is this for Tesco? I thought you can only use the points once Tesco mail the vouchers over to you?

Also wow how much points did you accumulate!? We only shop in Tesco mostly and only end up with very minimum points

abw94 · 13/03/2020 22:21

YABU. Don't give away vouchers/points then complain what they purchase.

Caelan2018 · 13/03/2020 22:24

You gave her the points to use so what if she bought champagne I usually agree but for gods sake lighten up and get yourself a bottle of wine and chill out and as for all the other comments on how rude she is... life is for living there are enough people dead

scubadive · 14/03/2020 08:14

She’s completely taking the piss. She obviously didn’t need the free vouchers and should have turned it down saying kind offer but I’m fine thanks, have everything I need. Unless of course you are all loaded and buying 4 bottles of champagne is the norm in your family.

You should let her know you are out out at his piss take and perhaps she could auction them for a food and which you realise you should have done in the first place.

Also why encourage others to shop more now when the shops can’t stock up enough already.

Mayaaaaa · 14/03/2020 08:29

She obviously didn’t need the free vouchers and should have turned it down saying kind offer but I’m fine thanks, have everything I need.

You turn down gifts if you dont need them. So someone buys you a gift voucher and you say 'no thank you're

Op never told her sister in law that it was ti help her out or for essentials. She gave them as a treat to her sil.

Who gives someone a gify voucher and then tells them later it's only for xyz.

DrManhattan · 14/03/2020 08:36

Mug

Caterinaballerina · 14/03/2020 11:30

I think your SIL is a legend and you should be more like her!

bpirockin · 14/03/2020 14:25

I think it was a kind and thoughtful gesture, that has been somewhat abused. I guess it depends how you worded the offer, but I would definitely feel taken advantage of myself.

I guess what you need to take from it is that her idea of being "hard up", and yours are not the same.

fatimashortbread · 14/03/2020 16:56

After the outcome of the Cobra meeting on Thursday my husband texted me to say he was heading off to Majestic to ensure we had enough wine in. So you are being a little unreasonable

FelicisNox · 14/03/2020 16:56

Am I reading this correctly?

You gave away your Clubcard points to encourage other members of your family to panic buy when the (unnecessary) panic buying of others is what is causing the stock problems in the 1st place and your SIL (sensibly) chose not to behave like this and bought some treats for herself instead because you never actually TOLD her what the points were for in the 1st instance and now you're slagging her off on MN???

Riìiiiiiiight.

AYBU? Er, yes. YABVU.

Wow. Just wow.

MiddleClassProblem · 15/03/2020 08:13

This is SIL:

www.facebook.com/180196929399209/posts/661429147942649/?vh=e&d=n

smartiecake · 15/03/2020 08:39

@Simba999 you can check your points online on the clubcard app or online and also redeem them for 3x their value for days out etc. You dont need to use the paper vouchers unless shopping instore

Mlou32 · 15/03/2020 09:01

How many CC points did you actually have??

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