Looking after your own children IS work

[Bumpitybumper]

Oxford Dictionary definition of "work":
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result

AIBU to suggest that the people that suggest that looking after one's own children isn't work are wrong and in some cases are actively trying to devalue and undermine the people (usually women) that do the majority of childcare?

Would be really interested to understand how anyone can read this definition and argue that looking after children isn't work.

Cosima, true but they are jobs because there's a demand for them.

I can't think of one job that doesn't benefit society in some way, whether that be financially, care, provision of goods, people's leisure etc... otherwise they simply wouldn't exist.

I think a lot of people's point is exactly what you've said. Why does it matter whether other people value you what you do as a SAHP. Other than your spouse/family of course.

No one should obviously insult anyone of course and I actually think it probably is tough in some ways being a SAHP. But I can see why people may believe the whole 'less valuable work' thing even if I don't myself.

Not as hard as standing up cooking a meal and cleaning the kitchen

But the point that you seem to be missing is everyone has to do this. Whether they work or not. It's not really a reasonable argument.

Whether I work or not I have to cook a meal, keep my home clean etc... I think the reason it gets people's backs up is because there seems to be some sort of suggestion that working parents don't also do all of these things.

If you’re in a very boring job, for instance, in a very boring office doing repetitive tasks or just watching the clock with not much to do, you may feel tired because boredom can be tiring. Everyone can have low days and nobody is immune from depression, which can obviously makes you feel tired regardless of what you do. I doubt there’s a single person in the planet who has never complained of feeling tired on the odd day.
Are there only some roles you are allowed to feel tired in?

I am not debating about whether stay at home parents benefit society. What I am saying is that looking after children is primarily unpaid work which has huge benefits to society. It has social and economic benefit. It is simply not comparable to watching tv, breathing and gaming which is what a lot of posters have compared to and it is simply a v big deal ! The fact that people are posting messages like it’s not a big deal, it’s like breathing and watching tv ultimately shows it’s not widely understood that looking after children has economic benefits in terms of future tax streams etc. Watching tv or gaming does not! And yes washing your children’s clothes, cooking for them deserves a huge gold star and a lot more recognition and just all out respect than it currently does!!!!

Assuming you're responding to someone else Cosima as I've never suggested being a SAHP can't be tiring or that people can't say they are tired.

Hell I've done literally nothing all day (in lockdown in Spain!) and I'm tired as shit, don't know I'm allowed to say that?

And yes washing your children’s clothes, cooking for them deserves a huge gold star

I honestly don't get why though. I'm not trying to be argumentative at all. I have said and will say again I think being a SAHP has its hardships and its benefits.

But everyone on earth who has a child should expect to wash their clothes and cook for them as a bare minimum really (neglectful parents aside). I don't see it as some huge flashy gold award winning task.

But what are the benefits?
A majority of SAHP I know claim UC in one way or another. So how are they contributing?
By the children they raise? But what if the children don't contribute a lot?

I personally feel the benefits are mainly confined to the individual child and family which there's nothing wrong with.

Obviously said child may grow up to repopulate workforce, pay taxes etc etc. As will children of working parents.

I’m SAH as you’ve probably gathered and I know a lot of women in similar positions to me and I can genuinely say it’s never once occurred to me or any of us to wonder how much other people value is or not. I’m the same human being now as when I was working. Why are people presuming SAHMs are asking for recognition from anyone anyway? I’ve never heard a woman even mention anything like this. Very bizarre. If you’re a SAHM you know exactly what you are doing and why. That’s all ther is to it. Life is what you make it. If anyone wants to try and presume to judge me, well, it says more about their insecurities than anything I’m doing. It’s as weird as me going around with a chop on my shoulder about estate agents, or whoever. I don’t give a toss what anyone else does or how they fill their days. What’s it got to do with me. Zero interest.

That's exactly what I'm saying. The benefits are just for that nuclear family. Fine and dandy. What ever flouts your boat.

But it's ridiculous for some posters to say how hard it is and then go on to list allll the stuff they do. Which is all the shit everyone who wants to just exist has to do.
it doesn't make them any more special to society.

Why are people presuming SAHMs are asking for recognition from anyone anyway?

There does appear to be a few on this thread.

There is absolutely no suggestion from me that parents who are in paid employment don’t do work involved in bringing up children! But, of course let’s face it not everyone does it either. A whole lot of threads on here show that a lot of men are not involved or choose to abstain in the unpaid work of parenting. So not everyone who has children does the unpaid work in looking after children. Also on the most part single parents are women, so men choose to have children but choose to abstain from the unpaid work of looking after children altogether. So it still is primarily women’s work that is unpaid, unrecognised. But ultimately unpaid work with huge benefits to society. If you choose not to recognise it as work, unintentionally you are helping out a lot of men who get away with not doing any of the parenting work, and choose to do perhaps just as easy a job sitting in a comfortable chair in the office plus get benefit of much greater social status as well.

I cook and wash for my kids because I chose to be a parent, its what you do when you have a family...No gold star needed.

I don't work, I'm a single parent 2 4 young kids... I don't say I work, because I don't. It's tough at times yes, but I don't think anymore tough than a mum who's working and then comes home to her kids...

But ultimately unpaid work with huge benefits to society.

But you have not once said what this benefit is.

What are the benefits? Very few end up net tax payers.

If the parent isn’t working and claiming state help, then that’s a cost to us all. If the child/children then go on to do the same it’s yet another cost.

And yes washing your children’s clothes, cooking for them deserves a huge gold star

Why??

Feeding, meeting care needs and financially providing are basic parenting requirements. It doesn’t need rewarding or recognition.

As I said earlier, everyone cooks and washes for their children to a greater or lesser extent- obviously! But again, this is not the point and it’s not why some women SAH (provided the opportunity is there, of course).

For me, it would have been the difference between having a nanny here 8-6 or being here with them myself during those hours. I thought I would do a better job than the nanny in those hours. It really is as simple as that. It wasn’t about individual tasks or lunchboxes or laundry or whatever. That is all by-the-by.

To be honest, there are many jobs that if you listed the actual tasks people do in a day, it would sound equally mundane.”Checked emails; replied to emails; phoned so and so; made a coffee; replied to more emails..., etc etc. When you break many roles down to the sum of their parts, it will probably sound very reductive. But people’s jobs are about more than that for the most part; just as being a SAHM is about more than the sum of its tasks. As I said, it’s just about the being there. That’s it and that’s enough, if you believe this is best for your children.

'What are the benefits? Very few end up net tax payers.'

The benefits in having children who are properly looked after is probably compared to the results of not.

Society is not better with large number of people who were malnourished, not taken to school, cold and miserable, etc etc

I can see that the option between no children in society and children that are reasonably cared for in the most part is a choice. But the children exist and if they are, essentially, all neglected, then it will not be good for society in the medium and longer term.

Having a healthy happy educated population, on the whole, is good for society I would argue.

I suppose people might argue that children used to live in squalor, with disease etc and the country didn't crumble. It's an interesting question.

But once again. That is not a benefit solely to a SAHP.

What is the benefit to society that only a SAHP can provide?

Who the hell is suggesting that children should live in squalor?

Most children are properly looked after whether their parents SAH or not.

@itsallthedramaMickiloveit I guess it allows the other parent to work longer hours so therefor earn more money which leads to paying more taxes. Also statistically children with a SAHP tent to do better at school which would hopefully lead to higher paying jobs so again contributing more taxes

When men are out with their kids people say oh isn't he good. When women do it it's literally doing nothing, unworthy of note.
I can't stand the "isn't he good" fawning over men doing basic parenting, or worse 'babysitting'.
I equally hate the idea that men 'help' with chores. No, they do their share as a functioning adult in the household.

DH gets particularly irritated by jokes about how incompetent dads are (like the stupid babygrow with labels for arms and legs saying something like 'babygrow for dads' or the Rightmove advert where the reason to buy a new house is so dad can read his paper whilst the kids run riot).

Certain tasks are part of being a functioning adult and running a home and a family. Nobody should need good stars for doing the dishes, putting the bins out or spending time with their kids.

Yes looking after your children has huge social benefits as like I have said before it leads to people who are productive in the work force!!!! And pay taxes. I am not talking about stay at home parents! I am simply talking about the activity of looking after your children. It is something that has huge social economic benefits. Whether you realise it or not is irrelevant. But it does in economics terms. That’s why gov partly subsidises childcare and always has done in many different forms. It recognises that it is a hugely important economic activity. So ironic that mothers don’t recognise it themselves and think what’s the big deal everyone does it.

Who said it was? I certainly didn't.

The general idea that looking after children is of no benefit to society, as was mentioned by a few posters upthread, I can't agree with.