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Original poster

TA shouting at reception child over taking bobbles out

94 replies

BoopPahhPing · 11/03/2020 22:39

Sorry for the long post,

Yesterday and today DD came home from school upset because the TA has shouted at her about taking her bobbles out, when DD had said she hadnt and they had fell out the TA replied dont talk back to adults. DD said the woman shouted "you dont take your bobbles out" the day before she said she had approached her with her bobble and the TA had said NO NO NO i am not doing it DD

Every day i dutch braid my DD's hair for school and every day she comes home and her hair is down. She always says TA put it in a pony tail but she takes that out too. She takes her plaits out when she gets to school because she likes to have her hair like her friends ( friend has her hair down )

I dutch braid it knowing full well she will take it out and i dont mind if she takes it out, she goes in school looking presentable so im not fussed that she likes to take it out

A few weeks ago i had to speak to DD's teacher and when i saw DD I laughed and said "what happened to your hair" and the TA woman who was nearby laughed and said she had told DD she would cut her hair off if she messed with it again, my DD laughed the TA said it was everyday she was taking her plaits out, id said i know, she wants to be like friends name, it was a pleasent conversation but i mention this as now looking back i can see that maybe the TA was getting fed up of DDs hair then

I know small children can exagerate but its 2 days in a row and i ask my DD the same question in different ways to make sure she is telling the truth and i do believe her that the TA has been harsh with her about her hair

What can i say to school about this? If TA doesnt want to do DD's hair she doesnt have to, but she doesnt have to be rude to a 5 year old about it.

Having hair up isnt a rule at school or if it is they are not strict about it, the 2 girls DD plays with have their hair down everyday which is why DD is so keen to have hers down

I want to speak to her teacher but im not quite sure what to say. If TA desnt want to do DD's hair she doesnt have to, there is no push from me or school and all she has to say is somthing along the lines of No DD, you always take it back out so im not doing it today,

The way DD has repeated how she spoke to her has really got my back up, i have asked DD a few different times and each time she has raised her voice when repeating what was said. I really dont like the thought of someone speaking to my 5 year old like that over somthing so minor

Can someone advise what i can say to school about this? I am aware children can exagerate but i do believe her and i dont feel comfortable sending her in unless i say somthing

OP posts:
Daisiest · 11/03/2020 22:41

5 year old aren't reliable storytellers.

Just send her in with her hair down if it's causing issues for her.

mollypuss1 · 11/03/2020 22:47

Why are you braiding her hair if you know she’s just going to take it out? Surely, this is what is causing the problem?

GreenTulips · 11/03/2020 22:51

Is she constantly messing with her hair during lessons?

I know a few 5 year olds who sneaked off the the loo just to mess with hair.

Does she need it out of her face for PE or similar? Or complain when it’s down?

Original poster
BoopPahhPing · 11/03/2020 22:52

Yes forgot to mention that i will be sending her hair down from now on. Im a bit gutted tbh, her hair is wild & looks far better up or in plaits.

I know they arnt which is why yesterday when she was telling me I didnt say anything to DD i just let her carry on telling me about day

But today it was the first thing she mentioned and her voice broke when she told me, I know 5 year olds have a tendacy to exagerate but she doesnt usually get upset over things unless they really happened

I dont want to go in all guns blazing or anything like that, In all honesty i just want to go in and mention it so if it is true TA knows DD will mention it and i will question it

OP posts:
Cillmantain · 11/03/2020 22:56

Stop braiding her hair.Send her in with her hair down.
5 year old are not always reliable story tellers

GreenTulips · 11/03/2020 22:56

You’ll be the one complaining when she gets head lice.

Floooopy · 11/03/2020 22:58

When a child says they were 'shouted at' it can mean they have just been spoken to.

Sounds like TA is becoming exaspersted with DD taking hair out every day / messing with it/ being asked to fix it.

Redlocks28 · 11/03/2020 22:59

I would be telling her to leave her hair braided-she’ll end up with head lice which are horrible and a bugger to shift.

She’s probably spending entire carpet inputs faffing with her hair instead of listening. It can get really irritating.

whatacarryon2018 · 11/03/2020 23:00

TA is getting annoyed because her job is to assist the teacher, not do hair. Hair should be up to stop head lice spreading. Is there any hair up styles that your daughter likes? Or maybe some bobbles or clips that she really likes and would be more likely to leave in?

Original poster
BoopPahhPing · 11/03/2020 23:02

Why are you braiding her hair if you know she’s just going to take it out? Surely, this is what is causing the problem?

Blush she looks a bit scruffy with her hair down, her hair is wild. I like to send her in looking nice because i worry if i send her in with her hair down school will think i dont bother with her hair in the morning Blush

At least when she takes it out herself they can see i made an effort Blush

Is she constantly messing with her hair during lessons? Not that i know of, its never been mentioned, same with PE, nothing has ever been said

Regarding complaining about it...... i have wondered if maybe because TA has offered to do her hair in the past maybe now the TA is DD's go to person for when she is fed up of her hair down

Or maybe because she has done DD's hair in the past and been nice to her DD goes to her again?

But either way, I do believe she raised her voice when speaking to DD and i do think its a harsh way to speak to a child. if she doesnt like doing DD's hair then there are nicer ways to say it to her. I dont know how long she has been helping DD with her hair, the first time i knew of her helping was when she mentioned it herself a few weeks ago

OP posts:
MolyHolyGuacamole · 11/03/2020 23:02

Guess I'm the odd one out here then. I worked in schools as a TA for years and have known enough to believe your daughter. Have a word with the teacher.

DeadbeatDescendant · 11/03/2020 23:12

Hair up is a rule in our school because, you know, nits. Also kids fiddling with hair is irritating and distracts them from learning. I can understand the TA snapping tbh. I’d tell your dd hair stays up or else you’ll get it cut into a nice bob for her (I did this with dd’s hair - looks great and much less faff in mornings! Disclaimer - I didn’t force her into this hairstyle but while I’m styling it I get more say in her style!).

1Morewineplease · 11/03/2020 23:13

Just let your child have the hairstyle that she wants. Obviously it needs to be tied back so as to protect against nits ( not that it really will) and for health and safety reasons during PE.

@MolyHolyGuacamole I have worked as a TA for years too and know enough about children exaggerating what adults have said to them

AngstyAnnie · 11/03/2020 23:16

I would just gently mention to the teacher that your DD was upset yesterday and the day before and explain the story.

Yes five year olds can be fantasists but you know your own child and you are right to trust her word.

Original poster
BoopPahhPing · 11/03/2020 23:19

When a child says they were 'shouted at' it can mean they have just been spoken to

DD was telling me in her normal voice then raised her voice when repeating what TA had said, then she got upset which is why i believe her, this is very out of character for DD, she comes out of school happy and excited about her day

Sounds like TA is becoming exaspersted with DD taking hair out every day / messing with it/ being asked to fix it Thats understanable, what she needs to do is be a proffesional and speak to a 5 year old nicely regardless of how she feels.

She’s probably spending entire carpet inputs faffing with her hair instead of listening. It can get really irritating Her teachers havnt mentioned anything like that so i dont think that is the case

TA is getting annoyed because her job is to assist the teacher, not do hair. Hair should be up to stop head lice spreading. Is there any hair up styles that your daughter likes? Or maybe some bobbles or clips that she really likes and would be more likely to leave in?

I absolutely agree, she doesnt need to do DD's hair so why has she took it upon herself to do so then get annoyed when DD asks her to? Her job is to assist the teacher, my DD has never come home upset becausr her teacher has raised her voice at her, she has come home twice upset because the TA has been rude to her

Funnily enough she only likes her hair down or in plaits 🤦‍♀️

I dont like sending her in with her clips because all she does is put them in and out of her hair, i imagine she'd be far more irratating with clips Grin

OP posts:
gingerbiscuits · 11/03/2020 23:24

So don't put her hair in braids then & tell her not to ask the TA to do anything with it! Speaking as a TA myself, we've got 50 million things to do all day & faffing about with hair is most definitely not a priority. Don't waste the teacher's time by having this conversation.

strawberrylipgloss · 11/03/2020 23:28

I think it's common for 5yo to describe a telling off as shouting and to be sad that they were told off by a teacher as there's an element of embarrassment.

I suspect that it's more common for parents to complain that their dd took out their hair bobble (nits!) than not care.

I think you're definitely right to leave her hair down in future. You're overthinking the unkempt hair thing - she's 5!!

Saoirse7 · 11/03/2020 23:42

Hair bobbles don't just fall out, she's obviously taking it down. It is for hygiene purposes (ie head lice) that hair must be tied back. Stop braiding her hair, it must be uncomfortable. Put it in a ponytail.

Teacher's have a lot of actual important things to be dealing with. If you arrange a meeting with the teacher to talk about it you'll be 'that' parent.

RainbowMum11 · 12/03/2020 00:00

I have a general 'no hair down' rule for school as DDs hair is really think and curly and the threat of nits is more than enough for me to try and at least put it in a pony tail each day - she knows it's hair up for school but she can choose the style.
She remembers the fine nit comb (only needed once so far & over summer holidays) but it's enough!!

Littlebookwormiam · 12/03/2020 00:07

I went to parents evening. Teacher said DS played with his shoes a lot. I asked DS about it, he said his laces were undone and he was trying to 'fix them.' He still can't do laces, no idea if what he's saying is true bit we've reverted back to velcro shoes for now and see if things improve. Maybe leave her down or put into a bun out of the way of her face?

sauvignonblancplz · 12/03/2020 00:17

Have there been any other instances apart from this about the hair?
I understand why your back is up and why you’re asking. Sometimes adults can be very sharp and stern over very silly things in the classroom, even the fact she discussed the ‘hair’ situation whilst you were talking to the teacher would make me think she’s over stepping the mark.
I would go in and casually say you hope your daughter hasn’t been causing a fuss with her hair , I believe the TA had to have a word with her yesterday about the bobbles. I’ve told her if she takes her hair down she has to leave it down as it’s not the TAs job to fix it, I’m sure you’re already very busy.” See what the teacher says back , clarify are the end that you were definitely surprised she was told off over it as it seems very small.
You’re just making it clear that maybe there’s more to the story but also you don’t really think a 5year old should be chastised over something so small.

MorganKitten · 12/03/2020 01:08

I absolutely agree, she doesnt need to do DD's hair so why has she took it upon herself to do so then get annoyed when DD asks her to?

She probably did it a few times and now being asked all the time, your child is taking her hair down... that’s not the TAs fault. She needs to focus on her job, your child needs to leave her hair alone and focus in class.

Largeyellowdaffodil · 12/03/2020 02:26

Well sucked hair bobbles, I wonder why the TA now wants to avoid them

letmeinthroughyourwindow · 12/03/2020 05:11

Teaching staff are only human. Of course she shouldn't have spoken to a 5yo in a way that could upset them, but I'm sure we have all been guilty of a snappy response at some point.

You love your dd more than life itself, and only have one child to deal with, but have probably spoken to her more harshly than you intended to at least once in her five years? TAs are doing a job and should rightly be held to a higher standard, but still human and fallible.

Obviously, your dd is a pain in the arse about her hair. She probably spends the first half of the day fussing about taking it down, and the second part of the day asking for it to go back up.

Maybe today she asked a normally patient TA at the wrong moment. When she was rushed off her feet. When she was sick with worry about something in or out of school. When she'd already spoken to her patiently about her hair about 90 million times.

Personally, I would not complain. 'TA spoke to my dd in an exasperated manner' will not do either of you any favours. I would go in and say that you know your dd is a pita about her hair and that she is telling you that the ta is now cross about it, that you'll be sending her without bobbles from now on and that they should ignore if she pesters them about it. They'll love you for your self-awareness, for being a reasonable parent and for confirming that you won't be cross if she goes home with unkempt hair.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 12/03/2020 05:12

This sounds like a mountain out of a molehill. It's just hair.

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