TA shouting at reception child over taking bobbles out

[BoopPahhPing]

Sorry for the long post,

Yesterday and today DD came home from school upset because the TA has shouted at her about taking her bobbles out, when DD had said she hadnt and they had fell out the TA replied dont talk back to adults. DD said the woman shouted "you dont take your bobbles out" the day before she said she had approached her with her bobble and the TA had said NO NO NO i am not doing it DD

Every day i dutch braid my DD's hair for school and every day she comes home and her hair is down. She always says TA put it in a pony tail but she takes that out too. She takes her plaits out when she gets to school because she likes to have her hair like her friends ( friend has her hair down )

I dutch braid it knowing full well she will take it out and i dont mind if she takes it out, she goes in school looking presentable so im not fussed that she likes to take it out

A few weeks ago i had to speak to DD's teacher and when i saw DD I laughed and said "what happened to your hair" and the TA woman who was nearby laughed and said she had told DD she would cut her hair off if she messed with it again, my DD laughed the TA said it was everyday she was taking her plaits out, id said i know, she wants to be like friends name, it was a pleasent conversation but i mention this as now looking back i can see that maybe the TA was getting fed up of DDs hair then

I know small children can exagerate but its 2 days in a row and i ask my DD the same question in different ways to make sure she is telling the truth and i do believe her that the TA has been harsh with her about her hair

What can i say to school about this? If TA doesnt want to do DD's hair she doesnt have to, but she doesnt have to be rude to a 5 year old about it.

Having hair up isnt a rule at school or if it is they are not strict about it, the 2 girls DD plays with have their hair down everyday which is why DD is so keen to have hers down

I want to speak to her teacher but im not quite sure what to say. If TA desnt want to do DD's hair she doesnt have to, there is no push from me or school and all she has to say is somthing along the lines of No DD, you always take it back out so im not doing it today,

The way DD has repeated how she spoke to her has really got my back up, i have asked DD a few different times and each time she has raised her voice when repeating what was said. I really dont like the thought of someone speaking to my 5 year old like that over somthing so minor

Can someone advise what i can say to school about this? I am aware children can exagerate but i do believe her and i dont feel comfortable sending her in unless i say somthing

Have you actually told her not to take her plaits out while she’s at school?
My 4 year old took her hair out once (well her friend did, they were playing hairdressers). I said something along the lines of ‘please don’t take your hair out at school, I tie it up to keep it out of your face when you’re learning and so that you don’t get nits’. She hasn’t taken it out since. She occasionally asks to have it down and I repeat a variation of the above.

If DD went into school crying about me shouting at her school would question me about it so why on earth would i not question it when shes being returned to me upset about being shouted at?

This!

Teachers do not have endless patience

It was a TA - not a teacher.

There is a difference.

It is really irritating for children to keep messing with things when you tell them to leave it alone.

My niece constantly takes her shoes off. In the car. In cafes. In restaurants. Everywhere we go off come the shoes.

It drives me mad as she has lost one shoe so many times.

Her mum once bellowed at her out of frustration put your shoes back on

I don't blame her.

Your dd sounds a pain in the neck if she is faffing with hair bobbles instead of doing what she is supposed to.

Tell her she is not to take her bobbles out at school or there'll be punishment at home.

said she had told DD she would cut her hair off if she messed with it again

That's what op should tell her if she does it at school again

*Teachers do not have endless patience

It was a TA not a teacher.

There is a difference*

@BelleharePenguin09 in terms of patience?

If any of my dc came home saying they'd been told off for doing something with their hair, I'd tell them to stop doing it then.

t was a TA not a teacher. There is a difference

Yes. It would be the TA having to deal with this nonsense all the time.

It was a TA not a teacher. There is a difference

Really? As a teacher I accorded my TAs the same respect that I did other teachers. They are certainly not lesser beings. What a vile attitude.

Tell your child to leave her hair alone . I don’t understand the problem if the TA did raise her voice . Perhaps she’ll do as she’s asked in future .

Lol - I would laugh at you if you came and complained about this.

Number 1 - tell your daughter to stop playing with her hair during lessons.

Number 2 - tell her also to not cry about adults “shouting” at her. An adult had a go at her because she did something wrong - she was playing with her hair when she was told
Not to.

YABU

Meh. DS (6) was recently in tears at pick up and just about blurted the words "yellow card" coherently enough to be heard. His teacher needed to speak to me regarding a different topic. I said that he'd mentioned a yellow card. The teacher explained that he'd had a prohibited toy out (acceptable at break but not lunch time) despite several general warnings through the week, and being told personally by the Lunchtime Supervisor. So he got the yellow card for failing to follow multiple levels of repeated instruction. He probably was made an example of, and it was a relatively minor offense for that level of consequence (the teacher said that as DS stood sobbing) My reaction was that now he knows to follow the MDS's intructions.

It's not nice when a child is told off or upset at the consequence of a fairly trivial behaviour, but there has to be lines of boundaries drawn up in order for schools to function. Staff are human with finite patience. Sometimes children are sensitive and take things harder than intended (the number of times I've had teenagers bellowing "don't shout at me" when I've calmly asked again at normal conversation level is astounding!)

She needs her hair to be comfortable all day, and she needs to leave it in place. Fixing a child's hair occasionally is managable, doing it as a routine, especially if multiple children are involved is not practical.

(the number of times I've had teenagers bellowing "don't shout at me" when I've calmly asked again at normal conversation level is astounding!)

That is so true.

See also "I wasn't displaying disruptive behaviour. I was just talking."
Yes, talking when you should have been listening, thus disrupting the teaching input, distracting the teacher's train if thought, preventing others around you from listening, so it was disruptive.

Your daughter was being a pest. Her TA is not her personal hairdresser. When my daughters were young I always put their hair up and said leave it alone. If your friends parents are happy for their child to get nits it's up to them.
Unfortunately your daughter will go through life with people raising their voice. Rather than go.I'm complaining you should have backed the school. TA had already said no so why ask again the next day?

If any of my dc came home saying they'd been told off for doing something with their hair, I'd tell them to stop doing it then.

This

Maybe OPs DD needs to do as she is told. I would also tell her if she keeps doing it and gets nits then that's the point her hair would be cut short. I know OP has said she wouldn't do this but repeated infestations because a few children won't do as they are told means you will be lucky to get rid.

A mum did this at DDs school years ago..4 daughters turned up for school with number 4 cuts after repeated nit infestations.

Gosh is this all you have to worry about? TAs and teachers have better things to do than police children’s hair. It should be back so they don’t mess about with it and distract themselves or others and to reduce the chances of getting and passing on head lice. It has a community as well as an individual function.

Instil some discipline - explain why you are plaiting it (say it’s best for head lice) and then tell her (not ask her) to keep it in. Impose a sanction if she takes it out. I have done this exact thing with my girls and they completely understand the issue. It will also stop annoying the TA with unnecessary hassle unlinked to learning.

Jesus, I do wonder where all the parenting has gone these days. Poor teachers, they are between a rock and a hard place sometimes.

If any of my dc came home saying they'd been told off for doing something with their hair, I'd tell them to stop doing it then

Exactly this.

I think that primary school teachers wouldn't get anything done after school if they let parents know that their children fiddled with their hair. They just deal with this stuff for themselves as part of teaching.

The teacher may not have mentioned that your daughter fiddles with her hair a lot, but you know she does. She comes home with with it out of the braid every day!