TA shouting at reception child over taking bobbles out

[BoopPahhPing]

Sorry for the long post,

Yesterday and today DD came home from school upset because the TA has shouted at her about taking her bobbles out, when DD had said she hadnt and they had fell out the TA replied dont talk back to adults. DD said the woman shouted "you dont take your bobbles out" the day before she said she had approached her with her bobble and the TA had said NO NO NO i am not doing it DD

Every day i dutch braid my DD's hair for school and every day she comes home and her hair is down. She always says TA put it in a pony tail but she takes that out too. She takes her plaits out when she gets to school because she likes to have her hair like her friends ( friend has her hair down )

I dutch braid it knowing full well she will take it out and i dont mind if she takes it out, she goes in school looking presentable so im not fussed that she likes to take it out

A few weeks ago i had to speak to DD's teacher and when i saw DD I laughed and said "what happened to your hair" and the TA woman who was nearby laughed and said she had told DD she would cut her hair off if she messed with it again, my DD laughed the TA said it was everyday she was taking her plaits out, id said i know, she wants to be like friends name, it was a pleasent conversation but i mention this as now looking back i can see that maybe the TA was getting fed up of DDs hair then

I know small children can exagerate but its 2 days in a row and i ask my DD the same question in different ways to make sure she is telling the truth and i do believe her that the TA has been harsh with her about her hair

What can i say to school about this? If TA doesnt want to do DD's hair she doesnt have to, but she doesnt have to be rude to a 5 year old about it.

Having hair up isnt a rule at school or if it is they are not strict about it, the 2 girls DD plays with have their hair down everyday which is why DD is so keen to have hers down

I want to speak to her teacher but im not quite sure what to say. If TA desnt want to do DD's hair she doesnt have to, there is no push from me or school and all she has to say is somthing along the lines of No DD, you always take it back out so im not doing it today,

The way DD has repeated how she spoke to her has really got my back up, i have asked DD a few different times and each time she has raised her voice when repeating what was said. I really dont like the thought of someone speaking to my 5 year old like that over somthing so minor

Can someone advise what i can say to school about this? I am aware children can exagerate but i do believe her and i dont feel comfortable sending her in unless i say somthing

Some kids are also more fidgety and sensitive than others. School should not be about trying to trample them into a mould. I'd have a chat with the teacher about how you can work together on this.

I have worked in schools in the past and having 15 girls or more messing with their hair can be disruptive. There is also the added pain that most hair bobbles don’t just come out easily and a teacher or assistant have to get a knotted hair bobble out which again is wasting time for everyone. Teacher and assistants are not hairdressers they are there to teach.
You know your daughter wants her hair down so leave it down for her to go in to school with! It doesn’t matter if it looks ‘wild’. She should be able to tie her hair up herself for pe lessons as most schools request this incase it gets tangled in what ever sport they are doing.
As for the shouting your daughter is saying happened I would get the full story first! A teacher may have raised her voice at her for again being disruptive by messing around with her hair.
You are being unreasonable here op you daughter either needs to leave her hair alone once you have done it or you leave it down! Simple!

If you want to talk to the teacher about your dds hair, ask them if it is an issue. Involve your dd in the conversation. It sounds as though she’s playing with it a lot. This can be very distracting for other pupils and the school wants everyone to learn including your dd. Sometimes if a teacher and parent discuss something with a child, they can modify their behaviour better than separate convos. The ta more likely talked firmly to your dd rather than shouting. 5 yos don’t tend to know how to replicate firm tones.

As a teacher whose desk gets covered in hair bobbles every day, and has children interrupting the lesson to talk about their hair, I can see why it’s winding the TA up! I’ve also had parents complain about my TA “shouting” but I’ve been in the room during the incident and she certainly hasn’t shouted, just spoken firmly which was appropriate to the situation. If you want to keep wasting your time with the braids it’s fine, but please don’t give the TA a hard time about it.

I know one of our reception teachers has to constantly tell the girls in her class to “Stop playing hairdressers” every five minutes.

It might well be that your DD is causing distraction by taking her hair out and if it is an everyday occurrence the staff will get fed up as such because she clearly isn’t listening.

I wouldn't be happy with the tone and would just want to check with the teacher personally (not being accusing, just highlight so the teacher can observe facts for herself). The comment to you of 'cut her hair off' doesn't seem overly appropriate either. If you are concerned, go with your gut and mention it to someone. I don't care if i'm 'that' parent - i'd rather check things than brush over something else that ends up being serious. It's called being a caring parent and an advocate for your child. But needs doing the right way. And i come from an entire family of teachers.

It happened when I was at school in reception and Y1. You are never going to stop girls messing with one anothers' hair completely. I used to love listening to the story on the carpet while a friend plaited my hair, it was lovely.

I think you’re creating issues for your daughter in making so much of her hair. Tie it up neatly before school and support the TA if she complains about being told off when asked to put bobbles back in etc. I really don’t agree with this whole concept of ‘princess’ hair for girls. She’s at school to learn and this is clearly providing a distraction. I’d go so far as to cut it myself but I’m aware this a contentious view.

Being firm and shouting are two different things.

I'd be a millionaire if I had a pound for every time a student has claimed staff have shouted at them when they've done nothing of the sort. Obviously there are times where staff have shouted unfairly too.

I don't buy the idea that staff should always have their nice voice when a firm voice is absolutely professionally appropriate tools for different situations.

There's no need to be having multiple changes of hairstyle during the day, least of all having staff redo it. Talk to the teacher for more information and treat it as a fact finding conversation rather than going in accusing the TA of shouting at your child.

My take on what you have said is that the TA has probably told your daughter several times that if she continues to take her hair out, she won’t be prepared to fix it for her. Hence getting to a point where TA has said, ‘No no no, I am not doing it.’ Followed by an exasperated ‘You don’t take your bobbles out!’ the following day.

Your daughter needs to learn that if she takes her hair out on purpose, school staff do not exist to put it back up for her when she is bored of having it down. Some children require an adult to change the tone of their voice sometimes to help them understand.

Of course, it is not unheard of for an adult in a school to use an inappropriate voice when talking to children, and perhaps your child has been spoken to inappropriately, but I would be more prepared to accept the version above and think that your daughter is just sensitive to being spoken to in a firm tone.

I'm a TA
Children take hair out of the style they came in with is just annoying..they then play with it...swish it...fiddle with the bobbles ...try to re style it .....
I would tell a child to leave their hair alone as mummy or daddy sent them in like that for a reason ,
Hair down is a big no no in all the schools I come in contact with ..I keep spare bands in my desk and will pull a child's long hair into a pony tail if they come with it loose.

Tell your DD not to take her plaits out, and if she dies she’s not to ask the TA to fix her hair.
She’ll end up with lice.

Long hair in schools, particularly with younger children, is a nightmare. I was teaching this week and a girl got her bobble well and truly stuck in her hair. I wasn't able to remove it as it needed cutting out. Luckily it was near home time and her mum came in and cut it out for me.
Hair gets full of glue, paint, sand, snot, other children's snot, leaves etc etc. I've even known children to cut their own hair in school for no reason. It gets in the way when the child is trying do their work, hanging over the desks. And then there's lice.
Parents who let their child have their hair long and loose are just asking for trouble!

I think you're definitely right to leave her hair down in future. You're overthinking the unkempt hair thing - she's 5!! I think now shes been going there a few months I can send her in with her wild hair but honestly i do think school would of judged had i not made the effort. She looks like no one owns her when her hair down

Teacher's have a lot of actual important things to be dealing with. If you arrange a meeting with the teacher to talk about it you'll be 'that' parent Im not planning on having a meeting, a simple chat in the morning will suffice i think

The hair suggestions are good, from now on im just going to send her in with her hair down, or maybe half up and down. I have been very worried about her looking scruffy and it looking like i didnt take care of her hair i can now see maybe i have been overthinking it

DD often comes out with other childrens jumpers or missing hers so i see the teachers fairly freqently and they have never mentioned DD's hair, i need to return a jumper today so will mention this whilst i give them the jumper

Have there been any other instances apart from this about the hair? They spoke to me a few weeks ago about DD & another girl had been messing with the taps whilst going to the toilet but aside from the TA no one has ever mentioned her hair before

sauvignonblancplz Thank you i will be saying somthing along those lines, I have told DD from now on just leave her hair if she takes her bobbles out, dont ask TA to do her hair for her. I am not planning on sending her in with bobbles from now on though so hopefully this wont be an issue again

As i said upthread I dont want to go in all guns blazing but i do want the adults around my DD to know that its not ok to speak to her like that

I do occasionally snap at my DD but i am not a TA being paid to look after children. I understand we are all humans but at the same time a TA should know not to snap at a 5 year old over hair, especially as this is only an issue for her and not the teachers

Personally, I would not complain As i said upthread im not planning on going in guns blazing but i do want the TA to know im aware that DD is upset because of the way shes spoken to her. If shes been cross with DD 2 days in a row then i dont want it to become 3 ect,

Thank you for the advice that is helpful for what i want to say to them about it. If teachers had mentioned her hair or issues with it I would of done somthing sooner but as the TA had approached me infront of the teacher and the teacher didnt add her own thing about DD onto it I can only assume her hair isnt a big deal to the teachers but i will not be sending her in with bobbles from now on so hopefully this will be the end of it

If you want to talk to the teacher about your dds hair, ask them if it is an issue. Involve your dd in the conversation Yes i planned on DD being with me as she can say what happened better than I can

but please don’t give the TA a hard time about it Im not planning on speaking to the TA at all about it,

I wouldn't be happy with the tone and would just want to check with the teacher personally (not being accusing, just highlight so the teacher can observe facts for herself). The comment to you of 'cut her hair off' doesn't seem overly appropriate either. If you are concerned, go with your gut and mention it to someone

Im really not happy about the tone, shes only 5 and I completely understand how annoying constantly being asked to do hair is but I think there are nicer ways to speak to a small child about such a small issue

Maybe i should of used the words check with the teacher in my original post im not planning on going in and going mad i just want to know whats happened and if it is true then id want the TA to know Ive come in because DD is upset about it so it doeant happen again, it shouldnt now anyway as she wont be having bobbles anymore now

I did think at the time she was overfriendly about her hair but my gut has been telling me now that maybe she jumped in and spoke about DD's hair then made her laugh because she had maybe snapped at DD that day too and didnt want DD to tell me. When i asked DD who had done her hair DD didnt answer, the TA did. She was really nice to DD at the time and i thought she was just overly friendly which is why i am surprised that DD has come home upset about her.

I think you’re creating issues for your daughter in making so much of her hair. I dont make a fuss of her hair I plait it in the morning and then leave her to her own devices with it

Talk to the teacher for more information and treat it as a fact finding conversation rather than going in accusing the TA of shouting at your child Yes thats my plan which is why in my OP i mention speaking to the teacher but not being sure what to say, Im not planning on accusing the TA, id like a clearer picture of what happened and ill also tell the teachers not to do her hair if she asks but again it shouldnt be an issue as she wont havr bobbles from now on

Thank you for the replies there have been some very helpful suggestions about what to say to the teacher today, i have to return a jumper that isnt DD's and ask if they have seen hers so i can mention she was upset yesterday and from now on ill send her in with her hair down to avoid any future issues

Sounds like a good plan- let us know how you get on.
I don’t think children should be subjected to someone’s ‘bad day’ and brushed off the way some posters here believe.
I’m sure the class teacher annoys the TA & vice , I'm sure both maintain a professional tone and wouldn’t resort to shouting or stern or a belittling way of speaking.
If you have to maintain professionalism with adults why not with small children?

I'm a TA. One of the children in our school told her mum that the reason she was upset at the end of the day was because I'd shouted and called her stupid during a lesson. Firstly, I would never call a child stupid. I might raise my voice, not shout, in certain circumstances such as when a child was in danger. But most importantly, as the teacher told the child's mother, she to circumstances relating to staff absence, I hadn't been in that class for about a fortnight as I had been covering staff absence at the opposite end of our very long, Victorian building. So I would definitely be careful to ascertain exactly what happened as inform, young children do not always tell the truth.

That sounds like a good plan. Just to clarify my avoid going in accusing was more directed at advice about complaining/assuming the TA has been out of order.

I don’t think children should be subjected to someone’s ‘bad day’ and brushed off the way some posters here believe
I didn't take it as brushing off a bad day, more that tone of voice and response to a situation will develop as the behaviour/situation does.

For example, the first time I have to speak to a student about their actions, it's probably a gentle reminder or a redirect, the next it would be a clear quiet reminder, if they continued then it would progress to a firm instruction in a more firm tone of voice because clearly they're not doing what they should or their actions are creating needless issues or distractions.

In this situation I can entirely see how over time it's gone from "oh dear let's put your hair back up" to "don't take your bobbles out today" as time after time the student removes her bobbles and then wants it back up/it's getting in the way.

I would give her the choice between plaids stay in and a haircut. lice treatment is not fun and expensive, so she can choose which way to keep tbe risk at bay she wants. long hair open is also dangerous ( i found out the hard way at about 8 years old)

@LolaSmiles The child in question is 5 , unfortunately I can not condone a lack of patience or the repetitiveness of instructions as a viable excuse.
That is of course If the story is correct from the POV of the child.

There's a difference between a lack of patience and an appropriate variation in tone of voice, brevity of instruction and so on.

Of course if the TA has been about or rude then that's an issue, but I think we've got to be mindful that there's a range of perfectly reasonable and professional responses.

Just get it cut short. No bobbles, no problem.

Can you tell your DD that regardless of how her friends have her hair, she needs to keep her plaits in?
Mine both have long, thick, curly hair. Keeping their hair up at school is a non negotiable rule.

All that up, down, up, down nonsense is only going to have one ending. Nits. And they're are an absolute bastard to get rid of, believe me! A lot of the preparations they sell at the chemist don't work at all and they just keep returning.

God, who would be a teacher or TA?

What an enormous fuss about nothing. Teaching staff have a range of tones/voices to be used when managing children’s behaviour.

I also dislike this trend for ridiculously long hair on children. Get her hair cut and maybe focus on her learning.

Girls faffing about with their hair on the carpet in learning time and telling me about their hair is one of the banes of my life. In reception there are short bursts of time where you are imparting valuable information. You only need them to listen for a few fleeting moments and all of that time can be lost on hair!

I’ve a child at the moment who wears a hairband and she comes in in the morning, joins the teacher lead activity on the carpet and EVERY DAY her mother pokes her head around and says ‘Lucie Mae, move it forward’. Or another hairband positioning instruction.And the child is adjusting her hairband and looking at her mother instead of doing the activity. Then in phonics she’s fiddling on with it instead of joining in. Probably wondering what angle her mother would like it to be at rather than learning the difference between ‘oo’ and ‘ue’.