TA shouting at reception child over taking bobbles out

[BoopPahhPing]

Sorry for the long post,

Yesterday and today DD came home from school upset because the TA has shouted at her about taking her bobbles out, when DD had said she hadnt and they had fell out the TA replied dont talk back to adults. DD said the woman shouted "you dont take your bobbles out" the day before she said she had approached her with her bobble and the TA had said NO NO NO i am not doing it DD

Every day i dutch braid my DD's hair for school and every day she comes home and her hair is down. She always says TA put it in a pony tail but she takes that out too. She takes her plaits out when she gets to school because she likes to have her hair like her friends ( friend has her hair down )

I dutch braid it knowing full well she will take it out and i dont mind if she takes it out, she goes in school looking presentable so im not fussed that she likes to take it out

A few weeks ago i had to speak to DD's teacher and when i saw DD I laughed and said "what happened to your hair" and the TA woman who was nearby laughed and said she had told DD she would cut her hair off if she messed with it again, my DD laughed the TA said it was everyday she was taking her plaits out, id said i know, she wants to be like friends name, it was a pleasent conversation but i mention this as now looking back i can see that maybe the TA was getting fed up of DDs hair then

I know small children can exagerate but its 2 days in a row and i ask my DD the same question in different ways to make sure she is telling the truth and i do believe her that the TA has been harsh with her about her hair

What can i say to school about this? If TA doesnt want to do DD's hair she doesnt have to, but she doesnt have to be rude to a 5 year old about it.

Having hair up isnt a rule at school or if it is they are not strict about it, the 2 girls DD plays with have their hair down everyday which is why DD is so keen to have hers down

I want to speak to her teacher but im not quite sure what to say. If TA desnt want to do DD's hair she doesnt have to, there is no push from me or school and all she has to say is somthing along the lines of No DD, you always take it back out so im not doing it today,

The way DD has repeated how she spoke to her has really got my back up, i have asked DD a few different times and each time she has raised her voice when repeating what was said. I really dont like the thought of someone speaking to my 5 year old like that over somthing so minor

Can someone advise what i can say to school about this? I am aware children can exagerate but i do believe her and i dont feel comfortable sending her in unless i say somthing

Speak to your teacher but if your child is constantly taking out her bobbles throughout the day then I can understand the TA getting frustrated to keep putting them back. Imagine pe if all the children were doing this.

If she doesn’t want them in and won’t keep them in then leave her hair down.

Savoy, can you ask parent to not come in school? Our school have a strict 'leave them at the gate' policy from about two weeks into September.
She sounds bonkers, poor kid. (And poor you!)

I'd keep her hair shorter at that age - less fuss to deal with, less to comb through for nits, no stress about having it tied up or keeping it tied up. My mum kept me with the good old short bowl cut until I was old enough to deal with my own hair! She was a teacher though, so she knew all about school age child efficiency! haha

I'm really surprised the rule isn't that hair is tied up.

You are going to have a lifetime of nit treatment ahead of you.

Personally, I would not complain As i said upthread im not planning on going in guns blazing but i do want the TA to know im aware that DD is upset because of the way shes spoken to her. If shes been cross with DD 2 days in a row then i dont want it to become 3 ect,

Then tell her to stop playing with her bloody hair-it’s called consequences !!

I hate seeing girls turn up to school with their hair down, it’s just asking for head lice really. And yes I know you can still catch them with your hair tied up but it’s waaaayyy more likely when it’s down and flying around.

You need to tell DD she must keep the bobbles in at school and inform her about headlice.

So TA gets irritated by your daughter’s hair but not with her friend who has the same hair? Is it correct?

I spoke to one of her teachers this morning as I had the jumper to sort out so asked if there had been any issues with DD's hair as she has come home upset the past 2 days, teacher said no so i then just explained what DD had said, said i was aware small children can exagerate but she has come home upset about it and its not like her. Teacher agreed that she always comes out happy, when i said DD had said TA had shouted the teacher and the other teacher exchanged a look between them,

I said about keeping her hair down from now on and if she asks for help tell her to leave it down, it was only a quick converdation and the teacher didnt say much, it was left as Thanks for letting us know, im not expecting anything further, If it is true then hopefully it wont happen again now

Teacher didnt say my DD had been messing with her hair or anything or that it was a problem in the classroom or carpet time so i can only that her hair isnt causing an issue with most of the staff

When i did tell DD this this morning the first thing she said was Mrs ( TA ) will tell me off if i have my hair down. I asked if she told off other girls with their hair down and DD said no coz their mummys let them so i told her i was letting her from now on and i would tell the teachers id said that

Hopefully this will be the end of it for now, I dont like the thought of sending my DD sonewhere where someone is going to make her feel sad or uncomfortable, regardless of how fed up TA is, she is 5 years old, shes learning

In this situation I can entirely see how over time it's gone from "oh dear let's put your hair back up" to "don't take your bobbles out today" as time after time the student removes her bobbles and then wants it back up/it's getting in the way Yes i can see that too but I can also see how to DD this has just become part of her routine, hair falls out or takes it out - ask Mrs *** to fix it. I think there was a nicer way to tell her rathar than upset her & if your getting that cross with a 5 year old you snap at them 2 days in a row then ask the teachers to have a word with 5 year old or their mum.

Had anyone approached me and said it was an issue i would of sorted it out. Instead TA approached me joking about it only when I asked my DD who had done her hair. That would of been the perfect oppertunity for TA to say somthing to me about it,

I cant see there being an issue from now on though as she has gone in today with most of her hair down, just a small top bit of her hair up to stop it going in her face as much, she was very happy with her hair today

And this is why I’m so glad to be retired.....the slightly irritating small child whose mother can’t stand them being spoken to with less than cooing adoration then becomes the stroppy teen who ‘knows their rights.’

And this is why I’m so glad to be retired.....the slightly irritating small child whose mother can’t stand them being spoken to with less than cooing adoration then becomes the stroppy teen who ‘knows their rights.

I wouldnt want you as a teacher if you have read the thread and the only thing you have took from that is I dont like the way my child has been spoken to

My concern is my child being upset, someone getting annoyed with my child and displaying that annoyance at the child instead of being a proffesional and using the skills she has been taught isnt really being proffesional is it?

I have had a gentle word with the teacher I havnt demanded it be sorted or anything and i dont expect another conversation with them about it.

If it is true hopefully just the fact ive popped in and asked if everything is ok is enough to make an adult realise its not ok to snap at a small child over somthing she has done to her own hair

Glad you said something OP! Hopefully it's all sorted now

"The reason you go to school is to learn. If you are busy fussing with your hair or its in your eyes, you will struggle. Stop playing with your hair and focus on what your teachers are saying. It's got to the point where your TA has got to the end of her tether with you and if you carry on, you'll end up with nits or an eye infection. If your hair is not up in the hair style I put it in when you return from school tomorrow, I may have to think about cutting it very short so it's no longer a distraction."

Wa1kthisway I have been reading this thread wondering if I am very mean... my DD’s are told that their hair stays in the style I put it in, it’s non negotiable. If they take it out/mess with it at school, I’ll take them to have it cut.

When I worked in a Nursery I spent FOREVER doing the girls hair. I enjoyed it at first but it gets really, really, really tedious after a while. When one girl see's you doing their hair, another will pull hers out on purpose to have hers done.

I'd put it in a ponytail/bun/hairband (let her choose some nice clips etc if they're allowed) and tell her she'll have to have a short style if she keeps pulling them out.

I've got two boys who are growing theirs long and it's trickier because I can't just cover them in hairbands and clips unless I want them being constantly picked on.

@BoopPahhPing I think you sound more than sensible & im glad you feel better .

Hopefully the child can get her hair out of her eyes long enough to learn how to spell and construct sentences without using “would of”....

The woman should not be shouting at a child. Shouting in any school environment is not done.

You are well within your rights to have a word with the teacher about it as it has upset you both. However you are part of the problem, why do you keep sending in your dd with braids if she is going to keep taking them out? Teachers have more to worry about than a kids messy hair so I dont think they will consider you in a bad light because of your daughter's hair! Your dd then goes up to the ta wanting it tied up, this would be annoying if it is an everday occurrence. Either you teach her to do it herself or you cut her hair and allow her to keep it loose.

Raising one's voice is not shouting. Teachers do not have endless patience with children who do the same thing again and again. Sometimes they tell them to just stop it, loudly.

I have no problem with that. DD needs to do as she's told and not whinge when she's told off for not doing as she's told.

I suspect she takes it down, it annoys her, she goes and asks for it to be put up, TA takes time to do it, child takes it down, it annoys her and so on, TA gets fed up.

Your child is upset because she was shouted at.

She’s obviously taking her hair down and then asking the TA to put it up all the time - the TA must be completely exasperated with her. No wonder she raised her voice.

You’re coming at this as though she has just shouted out of the blue, even though by your own admission the TA has mentioned it to you that she’s doing it weeks before. You keep saying there’s a ‘nicer way’ to say something - how often are the teachers and TAs obliged to nicely ask when the child continues?

Hopefully this is the end of it but you need to be telling your daughter not to mess with her hair and keep on asking for it to be put up only for her to take it down again.

If she was that upset at being told to leave the bobbles in; she’d leave them in. Not come home telling you tearfully that she’d been shouted at again for taking them out 🤷🏻‍♀️

Are you interpreting the look between ta and teacher to be an admission of guilt? When you’ve been on here a while plus what I’ve witnessed just as a parent and friend of teachers that wouldn’t be my interpretation.

Glad you said something OP! Hopefully it's all sorted now I hope it is, Ive done what i can i think to stop any future issues but i am aware this could turn into "DD keeps faffing with her hair in class"

Im not threatening to cut DD's hair, its not somthing i would follow through with, she cut her hair when she was 2 and it has took a long time to get to this length and she loves it being long,

As NO ONE but a TA has mentioned this to me and I have asked the teachers and they havnt mentioned any issues or problems with her hair, i dont think i need to threaten to cut her hair because a TA is getting annoyed with her. And the fact people have suggested that has made me cross

If the TA cannot cope with being asked then i honestly think she shouldnt of took it upon herself to start doing DD's hair. Its common sense once you have done somthing a few times for a small child they then assosiate you with said thing. I think the TA has made a rod for her own back and instead of handling it like a proffesional she has snapped at a small child

I think you sound more than sensible & im glad you feel better Thank you, I do and i hope this is the end of it now,

Hopefully the child can get her hair out of her eyes long enough to learn how to spell and construct sentences without using “would of” How sad you read the entire thread and thats the only thing you felt the need to comment on. Do you feel better now?

However you are part of the problem, why do you keep sending in your dd with braids if she is going to keep taking them out? Teachers have more to worry about than a kids messy hair so I dont think they will consider you in a bad light because of your daughter's hair! Your dd then goes up to the ta wanting it tied up, this would be annoying if it is an everday occurrence. Either you teach her to do it herself or you cut her hair and allow her to keep it loose

As i said upthread, i have been worrying school would think I didnt brush her hair in the morning if i let her have her hair down, i was happy enough sending her in presentable and her being returned a wild child because at least it showed she came to school nice..... i can see now i have majorly overthought this though

Yes i can imagine it is annoying to be asked constantly but all it takes is a simple "No DD, if you wanted your hair up you should of left it in plaits or I have to do this every day and I dont want to, from now on you need to do your own hair or leave it in plaits" She could of told DD she was too busy ect, instead shes gotten annoyed and upset a 5 year old. There was a better way to handle it, the first day i didnt say anything to DD as i understand it can be frustrating but the 2nd day when she was crying? Its not ok to upset a 5 year old over her hair

If DD went into school crying about me shouting at her school would question me about it so why on earth would i not question it when shes being returned to me upset about being shouted at?

Hopefully this is the end of it now but I will become cross if complaints start being made about her hair being down but i will cross that bridge if i come to it

said she had told DD she would cut her hair off if she messed with it again
What a horrible thing to say to a young child. I would be making a serious complaint adopt this TA!!