To stop breastfeeding my 8 week old as it’s affecting my 2.5 year old

[Napqueen1234]

Just that really. I breastfeed all feeds except one formula bottle before bed which we started at 5 weeks. At night my boobs feel full and drip milk the second baby cries and they feed well and go straight back to sleep. Likewise in the morning they feed them are settled. From midday until bedtime she’s on and off the boob constantly, crying loads and refusing to latch on despite being hungry. It’s really affecting my toddler we all afternoon I’m wrangling the baby and she desperately wants me to play with her and give her quality time. She’s crying all the time, so needy, having lots of accidents when potty trained. Today I gave in and have the baby at bottle of formula at 4. She downed 4oz and is now so much settled.
I feel like I want to swap to bottles to make life easier but will I regret it. Currently all three of us are crying 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

Sorry for typos I’m exhausted

That sounds really rough. You don't need anyones permission or even a reason to stop breastfeeding, you have already done more than most people and the baby will be fine.

I think though that often toddlers regress in terms of potty training, sleep and clumsiness irrespective of how settled a new sibling is, so it may not be a magic solution though.

Do you have anyone that can help you eg take the baby for a bit so you can have some quality time with the toddler, or do something special with the toddler as a treat?

In terms of cluster feeding, you may be over the worst, I think it usually settles down by 12 weeks ish (though there is massive variance).

Seriously, what ever makes life easier for you! Don't feel bad, it's so hard when you have two! Least your NB is having some BM

Could you continue breastfeeding from 7pm to 7am and give a few bottles during the day?

Looking after a newborn and a toddler is hard. If bottle feeding is going to make your life easier then do it. I chose to bottle feed ds2 from day one, mainly because I didn’t want to be tied to the sofa breastfeeding for hours when I had ds1 (18 months) needed a lot of attention. Was a great decision for us. Ds2 would have a feed in 10 minutes then was happy for the next 3-4 hours and as long as I was holding him or close by I could pretty much carry on with ds1 as I had been before.

You would not be unreasonable to do whatever it takes to improve your day to day. If that’s bottle feeding so be it BUT you are in a brutal period, your toddler will settle and your newborn will calm down with the antics. Well done for coping - it’s a really hard time!

You'll do what's best for your family in the end. But did you BF your first child? How long? it doesn't really seem fair to not do that for number 2.

can you maybe replace some of the feeds? it's a really tough time with two small ones. Good luck!

Do what ever makes you happier. If switching to formula makes life much easier for you and a much happier household, then you're being more than reasonable. You've done amazing to do 8 weeks of breastfeeding and I'm sure you may just be going through a difficult period but whatever you decided to do isn't wrong. Happy mummy makes happy kids.

I couldn't breastfeed my second DC for this reason. Breast feeding a newborn is like a full time job. Totally different from having just one baby and being able to sit on the sofa all day cluster feeding.

Do whatever you feel is best for your family. I would still bf in the evenings when my toddler was in bed.

You'll do what's best for your family in the end. But did you BF your first child? How long? it doesn't really seem fair to not do that for number 2

Don't be so ridiculous

It's normal for an older sibling to be unsettled at the birth of a new sibling, regardless of whether they are breastfed.

I think you are seeing correlation, rather than causation here.

You'll do what's best for your family in the end. But did you BF your first child? How long? it doesn't really seem fair to not do that for number 2.
This is not how the real world works. What worked for one child, doesn't always work for another.

You'll do what's best for your family in the end. But did you BF your first child? How long? it doesn't really seem fair to not do that for number 2.

What a load of bollox.

I think it’s a bit harsh to say it’s not fair to not bf number 2 for as long as number 1! when you only have the one baby, you have all the time in the world to devote to them and it doesn’t matter how long they are stuck to you.
I’m pregnant with number 2 and although I intend to bf, I’m under no illusions how difficult it is going to be with a toddler. I think you have to do what makes life easier for you, you don’t want to spend every day crying. But like a pp said, it doesn’t mean that your toddler won’t still have meltdowns and potty training incidents just because you’re not bf. Perhaps you could just feed at night, although your supply may dwindle. Look after yourself, it’s really tough. I think you’ve done amazing to get this far x

@formerbabe thank god you said it!
OP I am in the exact same predicament today! Except mine are a little older 3 and 4 months. I'm literally starting a bottle at night but wondering if I can make the move to day time bottles all together. I wanted to.make it to 6.months but I'm nearly there! I breastfed my.son til 18 months but no chance of that this time!
What would be your plan of attack? I am a total bottle newbie so would be lots of learning for me for out and about!

Thanks all for the lovely messages I’m crying. @Brefugee I couldn’t breastfeed my first for various reasons so was so proud and pleased when I managed second time round so feeling really disappointed it’s been so hard. Perhaps I didn’t have realistic expectations! I think part of the issue is the baby is massively over tired by the evening as virtually all her naps are disturber by either the toddler making noise or being put in the car/sling/pram to get out (staying in and being quiet is not an option my toddler is like a dog that needs walking!)

YANBU unreasonable but I would probably carry on with breastfeeding for now. I think baby generally likely to be much more settled by 12 weeks and it will become easier. Is there someone who can take your toddler for a few hours, even some time at nursery to give you a break from looking after both at the same time?

@mamamalt at the moment she has a regular 7pm or bedtime bottle and then sporadically may have another one if I need her to have a good sleep (eg before soft play etc when I really want to have some quality time with my older DC) maybe one every 4/5 days. So still 90% BF. I think I may keep a bottle in my bag (premade stuff) and sterile bottle in case needed and also if she’s having a particularly wild afternoon of feeding give a bottle and see how things go with supply. I also had the 6 month mark in my mind but not sure I’m going to make it 😕

I would try bottle feeding during the grumpy period for a few days but I suspect that your baby might just be overtired and the method of feeding might not make a big difference. Can you plan your day so that you are driving around the time the baby gets grumpy/just before so that they get a bit of sleep maybe?

@Reginabambina that’s my concern really I think- it’ll turn out not to be breastfeeding and I’ll have stopped for no reason, have the faff of bottles and still a grumpy baby and sad toddler.

Of course it’s not unreasonable?

I always say

Life is hard enough as a parent. Do whatever the hell you need to do to make it easier!

We bash ourselves so much. You've done it for a few weeks. Feel proud xxxx

No right or wrong it's what ever works best. both options are fine

It is really hard! Be kind to yourself. Did you breastfeed your first DC? It's different for everyone but both of my DC really calmed down on the feeding between 8-12 weeks and it became much more manageable. So maybe give it a couple of weeks but you have to do what is right for you.

I found the toddler would give me a bit more time if I breastfed whilst sitting on the floor leaning against the sofa. Somehow they seemed to feel I could interact with their play more being on the floor with them than sitting looking down on them.
Or I would sit breastfeeding at the dining table with colouring, puzzles or play-doh on the table and the toddler sitting on the chair next me. The baby could be positioned to remain latched and I had one arm free to do the stuff with the toddler. Takes a bit of practice but do-able.
If you can get through the next few weeks the feeds do speed up and space out from 12 weeks. But it is a hard time.