To stop breastfeeding my 8 week old as it’s affecting my 2.5 year old

[Napqueen1234]

Just that really. I breastfeed all feeds except one formula bottle before bed which we started at 5 weeks. At night my boobs feel full and drip milk the second baby cries and they feed well and go straight back to sleep. Likewise in the morning they feed them are settled. From midday until bedtime she’s on and off the boob constantly, crying loads and refusing to latch on despite being hungry. It’s really affecting my toddler we all afternoon I’m wrangling the baby and she desperately wants me to play with her and give her quality time. She’s crying all the time, so needy, having lots of accidents when potty trained. Today I gave in and have the baby at bottle of formula at 4. She downed 4oz and is now so much settled.
I feel like I want to swap to bottles to make life easier but will I regret it. Currently all three of us are crying 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

If your giving a bottle your still won,t be able to play with toddler are you. So I don,t know if it will make a big difference. How about combine feeding. So replace midmorning with bottle? (But be prepared for breast confusion bottle refusion.)

It's not that I think you are unreasonable, more that I'm not sure it will help as much as you are hoping. Why not try a bottle and see? The 4pm-7pm slot is hellish though, so sympathy.

@Cacaca what did I say that was nasty and unfair?

do what you need to do to survive! I BF all of mine to 10 months and it was exhausting. I had three in 3.5yrs, very little milk, couldn't express, they all fed constantly - but I was locked into believing I HAD to bf. I would now definitely tell my daughters to do whatever worked for them.

Yes, we know breast is best etc - but I was born in 55, my mother didn't manage to BF so I was bottle fed. Maybe if she'd BF I'd have had a Nobel prize by now , but I've done extremely well, am ridiculously healthy, rarely ill, educated up to PhD level - I was a healthy child too - and that's on the formula from the 50's, it's so much better now.

I stopped BF when each of them started to bite, around 10 months, I don't have the martyrdom gene. Some of my contemporaries (NCT!) were disapproving - but honestly why would I do something that I dreaded and was causing me pain?

do what you have to do in order to be a happy mum with happy children.

@Cacaca my apologies. Isn't wasnt aimed at me

Go for it!

Your desperation is very understandable.

However, all the behaviour of your toddler is also very predictable and would most likely happen even with bottle feeding. At this point, your toddler has realised that the baby isn't going away and dealing with your divided attention would be an issue regardless of how you were feeding the interloper.

The baby sounds very tired, and this will go on being a problem if you can't get the toddler to settle down for some quiet time and allow the baby's naptime to become established.
I really recommend the TV and quiet time with books at home for afternoons, and some way to wear out the toddler away from your home, such as nursery or someone to take the toddler to the park or elsewhere for two hours every afternoon.

Where are you putting the baby down for naps? I suggest your bedroom if it's on another floor of your home or if the door can be shut and the toddler kept away from the door. Use a monitor.
(I realise that current advice is to not have a baby on another floor from you, but in the heel of the hunt a jumpy baby needs a quiet place to sleep).

An alternative is to pump, as PP has suggested. That way you can keep on breastfeeding.
But you still must find a way to balance the demands of the energetic toddler and the baby who needs periods of sleep and quiet.

I was in the same boat as you when dd2 was born... the constant feeding affecting dd1. The guilt of considering formula (when I knew damn rightly there should be no guilty but my crazy hormonal baby brain refused to think logically) and then the guilt of ignoring my toddler (wasnt ignoring her, was balancing being a new mother of 2 - damm baby brain again) and the pressure I was putting on myself to do everything right (I was doing things right, strike 3 for baby brain making me think everything had to be PERFECT). In the end dd2 was a mix of breast fed, expressed breast milk in a bottle fed and formula bottle fed - literally just as and when each suited. Looking back on it I am weirded out by how obsessed I was with breast feeding 100% of the time even though it was burning me out and making me crap. I was completely irrational and insane. But that's easy to see with hindsight, not so much when you're in the middle of it all. Currently pg with dc3 and will be doing the same - a little bit of everything as and when it suits with no pressure. As long as they're fed. Go easy on yourself, you're doing amazingly. And you're only questioning these things because you're a good mother and unfortunately that apparently goes with the territory and our little blessing make us crazy ladies 🤷‍♀️ congratulations on your new arrival. Keep being awesome and remember to be kind to yourself. You really are doing fantastically

You're amazing!!! I really hope you know that, and how hard juggling what you're juggling is! You have to do what works for you and your whole family, and there is nothing at all wrong with stopping breastfeeding if it's what you want!

If it's not what you want and you do really want to continue to breastfeed, then it's all about finding as many ways to make it as easy a process for all of you as possible. Is there anything that your toddler wouldn't normally be able to do and see's as a treat? Certain things on TV? Tablet? That you could let her have while you're breastfeeding that could buy you some time to at least get baby latched on and comfy? A sling is also an amazing idea, a lot of them you would be able to discreetly breastfeed pretty much hands free? Also, an electric breast pump? You can get those fancy ones that just sit inside your bra and you can express anywhere and then bottle feed breastmilk?

How old is toddler. My eldest was 2yo when his brother was born. It is hard to start with but does get easier. I got ds2 into a routine. He also had a dummy from day 1. I also managed to get them both to nap at the same time, although ds1 only had 1 nap by then.
Ds1 also had a lot of screen time.
Have you had baby checked for tongue tie?
I wouldn't give up just yet. Maybe get some help with latch and feeding technique.

...staying in and being quiet is not an option my toddler is like a dog that needs walking!

I don't know how old your toddler is, but regardless, it does no harm to start asking the toddler to modify his or her behaviour a bit to take into account the needs of others.

Asking them to quiet down and teaching them how to do this, and asking them to wait for something they want you to do for them is all part of introducing them to the concept of getting into step with the family and eventually with the wider world.

You are not being unfair to a toddler when you start requiring them to wait or to behave in a way that they would prefer not to. It's important to get them to start understanding that co-operation and adaptation to circumstances are part of life.

I only have 1 child, she's nearly 8 months and breastfed. I'm already pretty sure that I won't want to feed the next one. Breastfeeding is SO hard. I'd honestly stop now if my LO would take a bottle!

Well done for how far you've come. The choice is yours. Whether you choose to stop or not. You should be very proud of what you've done so far.

agree with those who say that just formula feeding would not stop the upset toddler wanting mum's attention when feeding, and also babies do not just feed for nutrition, they feed for comfort and if baby is unsettled because of whatever baby is unsettled about you will still need to rock sing to, whatever you'd do instead of giving the breast., and you'd have to do all the sterilising and making up bottles correctly Would a sling that you could do a back carry
in be an option, I used to get the baby off to sleep on my back and that gave me 2 hands to do things with the big sibling. If you have a bad back maybe you can have someone take the baby for a walk , whichever, you can devote some quality time just to the toddler, doing something special, I personally found that a key thing, doing some one to one and doing something fun with a baby on my back.

Some of these replies are ridiculous. It doesn't take long to wash, sterilise and make a formula feed. It doesn't take all afternoon on and off to feed a baby a bottle.

I'd try introducing an extra bottle in the afternoon so you can have a couple of hours with your toddler: that way you are still breastfeeding.

Don't however, let anybody tell you what to do. This is your baby, do what is best for you and your family.

If you want to continue breastfeeding have you contacted a breastfeeding support group? Something like LaLeche might be useful. You can call them for advice or attend a group and meet other mums who may be going through / gone through the same thing

OP, another voice saying do whatever makes your lives easier and everyone happier.

I struggled with BF DC1, and found it easier with DC2 - but by then DC1 was a small toddler and DC2 was wanting to be fed more or less all day. So I switched to bottles. It was a good decision (for me, and for us). For one thing, the bottle routine had much longer gaps between feeds when we could do other things.

My DC1 was 23 months when DC2 arrived. I tried my best to breastfeed but it was too difficult, i managed 6 weeks. 2 year old babies need so much attention and I couldn't split myself in two.
I think if it will make your life easier and help you give DC1 the attention they need then just stop and hopefully things will get easier for you x

You have said that you are worried that you would regret it if you stopped breastfeeding. Why would you regret it? Your baby isn’t going to die or be fed poison. I’m not sure what you would regret other than making your life easier!

OP, I've been in that situation. I've BF and bottle-fed my babies.

My only possibly useful point is that in my experience, BF got a whole lot easier after about 9 - 10 weeks and I was SO grateful that I stuck with it as it made life much, much easier with no bottles to faff around with.

@Napqueen1234 I'd suggest adding in a bottle after lunch/before baby's nap so that you have a bit of time with toddler and content baby who is well fed. But then I know the research is that switching to bottles doesn't get Mums more sleep or rest. These are such early days, it does get better. xx

You could give them a mixture of breastfeeding and bottle.

Don't feel bad what ever decision you make but if breastfeeding is important to you I'd keep going.

Make time to play in the morning whilst the baby is sleeping and then encourage the toddler to play alone in the afternoon. Use TV/tablet when you need to.

Have you tried breastfeeding with the baby in a sling? Strange at first but really useful when you get the hang of it! You'd then have your hands free to cuddle and play with the toddler.

You do what’s best for you

No knowledge of the breast feeding as I chose to bottle feed both mine as it worked better with my mental health.

However I use an app called Huckleberry for the sleeping with my youngest (5months) it just gives you a heads up for when they’re likely to need a nap and I’ve genuinely found it a life saver with having baby and toddler. Helps prevent my youngest over tiredness and then I manage to get some quality time with the oldest