To stop breastfeeding my 8 week old as it’s affecting my 2.5 year old

[Napqueen1234]

Just that really. I breastfeed all feeds except one formula bottle before bed which we started at 5 weeks. At night my boobs feel full and drip milk the second baby cries and they feed well and go straight back to sleep. Likewise in the morning they feed them are settled. From midday until bedtime she’s on and off the boob constantly, crying loads and refusing to latch on despite being hungry. It’s really affecting my toddler we all afternoon I’m wrangling the baby and she desperately wants me to play with her and give her quality time. She’s crying all the time, so needy, having lots of accidents when potty trained. Today I gave in and have the baby at bottle of formula at 4. She downed 4oz and is now so much settled.
I feel like I want to swap to bottles to make life easier but will I regret it. Currently all three of us are crying 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

Hi I just want to say I've been where you are now; a demanding toddler and a cluster feeding newborn, it's not easy and some days are better than others.
What I did was had a special feeding box just for my toddler that only came out when the baby needed feeding. It contained games (that I could also join in one handed), books, crafts, toys, tablet etc.
Basically it still allowed me to spend time engaging with my toddler whilst still seeing to the needs of my baby.

Oooo and always had lots of snacks close by.
I will just say wither you decide to continue to breastfeed or introduce more formula is entirely your choice but there is loads of support out there (whatever you decide) and try not to make big decisions on a bad day

Toddler and newborn is hard work. My lactation consultant looked at me like when I said breastfeeding and topping up with expressed breast milk would not be possible as that's three separate things she wanted doing every two hours and I have a two year old.
Reality gets in the way of expectation, do what you need to

Don't worry too much about giving it a try, I did similar with one of mine and then realised he was no better on the bottle, I still had milk as doing a night feed and so just built it up again. Breast are amazingly accommodating like that if you've got plenty of milk. I fed him for another 6 months.

Feeding him for 8 weeks has given him most of the benefits of breast feeding I think, more than most babies probably.

RE being fair in how long you feed, I have 4 and one was 6 weeks one was 6 months one was 8 months and one was 3 years. None of them bear a grudge, in fact the one who was breastfed longest still gets stick from his older brothers about it and if they want to annoy him the call him the Last Emperor (don't know if you saw the film but the little emperor was breast fed until he was very much a little boy not a baby.)

You can always mix feed. Add an extra bottle in after lunch maybe? Then she might be more settled forvthe afternoon. Or she might not, who knows, but whatever you do, don't beat yourself up over it.

Do what works, don't do what doesn't work.

If both(or all three) of you are crying then it's not working.

Could you get your toddler to become a mummy to a doll and breast feed her/his doll when you are breastfeeding the baby?
I did this with mine(similar age) and it made things easier.

In the short term bottle feeding is easier but in the long run you will be washing / sterilizing/ prepping bottles instead of cuddling in on the sofa with baby and toddler. I would give it a few more weeks and play with the baby on you. You can read , have a one handed tea party and lots of other things.

I couldnt breastfeed my first after a few days of trying and i regretted not seeking help ever since. So when i had my second and she was on the boob 24 hours I just pushed through the first few months because , to me at least, the regret was worse than the discomfort and the changing lives.
I basically lived on the sofa though- but breast fed her for almost 5 years and the bond between her and me is much stronger than my first and I really think its due to breast feeding her.
I breast fed my 3rd aswell and that was so much easier because i was more practiced and the other 2 could play together.
If you really wanted to breastfeed I would say persevere because it gets easier quite quickly even though it doesnt feel like it

They change so quickly at that age (though it really, really doesn't feel like it!) The fussiness can be a way of ensuring you feed more so build up your supply. I would be wary of adding bottles and interfering with that supply and demand. I feel like I would set a deadline, like a week say, and reassess then.
You've done the hard part now, after about 3 months I found BF waaaay easier than bottles.
But definitely agree with giving yourself a break - this was the stage at which my eldest got into cbeebies in a really big way! 😆

I agree with PPs that this may just be a fussy time of day for your baby regardless of how she’s fed. You could try mixed feeding though. When I went back to work I cut out all feeds except morning and night and still had a good milk supply. Hang on in there, it will all get easier.

I've got a six month old and two year old so just been there. It was so hard at first but honestly it gets a lot easier.
The best thing for me has been keeping the baby in a sling. With the sling I can even follow the toddler around soft play. I try and tell the baby about what the toddler is doing so she knows I'm focused on her.
Is there anyone that can hold the baby for a bit while you give the toddler some 1:1 time?
I think the hardest thing isn't necessarily how you feed but the fact the baby's there all the time and wants to be held.
That said, your baby, your body, your choice and you don't need permission from me or anyone else to do what you feel is best for your family.

Sorry I think YABU. You can't not give your baby the best start in life because your toddler has a tantrum! You need to get a special box of toys that you get out when you are nursing and try and deal with the issue. Many of us have multiple children and we deal with it.

Bottle feeding may not be the only solution. Only you know how important it is to you so that is the question really. How much do you want to breast feed? Be honest and you will have your answer, you dont need permission or to justify stopping

@namechanger2019 that’s very nasty and unfair. If she’s struggling then she has to take the needs of both children plus herself into consideration. A less stressed out mother is much better for a child. Not every mother finds feeding easy and some of us have to make the decision that for our children formula is better.

I think the breastfeed vs bottle will not make any difference to the toddler issue. You will still need to hold the bottle for the baby to drink from and the toddler will still be unhappy about it. What it boils down to is toddler doesn't like not having your full attention anymore and no matter what u do with ragrds to feeding the baby, that's not going to resolve that issue. He /she will have to come to terms with the fact that mummy has 2 DC now, but that doesn't mean that mummy loves him any less. I know some people are very against screen time, but as a mum of 3 under 5 I would have lost the plot of the eldest 2 didn't watch TV while I fed baby /or cooked. It was the only thing that would keep the quiet and content for a little while. Plus they quickly learned that when baby is having milk they need to wait until baby is finished.

In response, I think YABU to stop bf because toddler wants your attention, you can't let a toddler make such a decision for you! YANBU to stop if that's what genuinely you want to/think it's best

But did you BF your first child? How long? it doesn't really seem fair to not do that for number 2.

Yes, I’m sure DC2 will be damaged and in therapy for life. So ridiculous. 🙄

This was me this time last year. I did continue and it got easier at around 14 weeks if that gives you any hope. I went on to breastfeed until 2 weeks before her first birthday

Bless you, it is really hard. I’ve just stopped breastfeeding my second and remember bumbling my way through those early days. It’s completely up to you what you do and you can make that decision with conviction, no guilt attached.

If you do want to carry on then what about doing mixed feeds, do the lovely cosy morning and bedtime breastfeeds while your partner is around to help with the toddler, plus maybe a lunchtime breastfeed while your toddler has lunch. Then for the fussy afternoon give a bottle followed by a dummy and white noise to help baby sleep in the pram on a walk to the park to give your toddler a run? Any breastfeeds you can give will be good for your baby. My firstborn had too much CBeebies at this stage and it doesn’t seem to have had any adverse effects!

Not long until weaning, it’ll fly by and all this worry will become a distant memory. Go easy on yourself.

Agree that you can definitely mixed feed, I used to give a bottle of formula when I was shattered, mid afternoon, or at bedtime too, never affected my supply to substitute bf for ff when I was really needing to put the baby down. Look after yourself too as best you can, its a tough time.

You could pump in the afternoon and give as a bottle? I had great electric double pump that emptied my both boobs in 10 mins.

Have you called on Peppa Pig for help? I only put her on for feeds (so admittedly quite a lot). DD1 and I felt this was a win-win...

YANBU at all. It’s trite, but fed is best. Priorities yourself as well as the children.

Well done for getting to 8 weeks. Babies can get the benefit of BF from just one feed a day (although lactation consultants are so single minded on pure BF they won’t tell you that). I BF for night feeds, for the 5pm feed and an 8pm feed. I started exclusive BF and have moved to this and my boobs now fill up for these times. Baby is happy, healthy and thriving and the rest of the day is so easy and I feel more relaxed because of it. Someone gave me some brilliant advice at the beginning - the whole household should never suffer at the expense of one individual. If BF during the day is making you and your toddler stressed, you’re entirely reasonable to consider dropping it.

Personally as you've made it to 8 weeks breastfeeding hopefully things will keep getting easier and easier as baby and you get good at breastfeeding, so if it were me I would try to keep bf but also give formula now and again like you've been doing, like maybe to free up time so someone else can have baby and you can have 1-1 time with eldest. Hope things improve soon

Advice that I was given was don’t quit on a bad day. Obviously if they’re all bad then that is a bit of a problem!

You don’t need anybody’s permission to stop if that’s what you want, your body and your baby. But, remember that breastfeeding can be really tough at the beginning but then gets much, much easier. Bottle feeding is always the same level of faff. Mixed feeding is definitely an option, no need to stop completely. If it’s tough in the afternoons say, then give a bottle then and breastfeed the rest of the time. Ultimately though it’s totally your decision

If you would like to carry on breast feeding what about making up a grown up toddler basket with small jigsaws, toys, books, etc that comes out when baby needs feeding only so the older child has a positive to you feeding baby.

While I would agree your situation is unteneble if you don’t have help and you might be at higher risk of pnd. If that happened the last thing you need is a reason to resent the toddler as they made you give up breastfeeding (that is how your posts sound).

Speak to your HV and ensure you have all the support available to you including free childcare.