To get married first?

[oldbeforem]

I recently got engaged and am starting to think about dates / planning.

A good friend (I am her bridesmaid and she will be mine) got engaged last November and is getting married next summer.

We don't want to wait until after their wedding to get married as it's a long wait - however would you be annoyed if your good friend got engaged after you and got married before?

And what if their wedding ended up being s month / 6 weeks before?

I think wouldn’t be fuming but just make sure your honeymoon doesn't clash with her hen party pre wedding prep. Xx

It wouldn't bother me if it was before mine, but the dates are maybe too close? I mean I imagine you will have some of the same friends going to both, so they maybe can't afford to do both in a short space of time and have to choose? That could make it awkward.

I’ve got a few friends who got engaged before me and aren’t married yet, I got married in October last year. No one seems bothered!

It would be absolutely mad to put off your wedding just on the off chance it might upset your friend!

In relation to getting married first it's absolutely fine. We got engaged and married within 3 months and I had a few friends who had been engaged for well over 18 months. You can't put your life on hold because of someone else's wedding and anyone expecting you to would be really unreasonable. She picked the date that suited her and you pick a date that suits you. In saying that, I think getting married the month before is thunder stealing though. You have your pick of any other dates and I think it would be unfair to pick a date so close to hers.

I wouldn't give it any thought, other than being happy for my friend

I see what you mean, I partly put my wedding back because I'm a bridesmaid for my friend who is getting married in the summer, so didn't want any of my preparations to interfere/clash with hers. I think in reality no one would mind though!

would you be annoyed if your good friend got engaged after you and got married before?

This exact scenario happened with me and my best friend. I was delighted for her and very proud to be part of her day!

I got married 5 months after meeting my DH and my colleague / friend had been engaged for years (still is). She did make one comment about its not fair she's still waiting in what seemed like a jokey way but I don't think it upset her at all.

And what if their wedding ended up being s month / 6 weeks before?

Perfectly fine. But, as you know she is getting married next summer, you will able to pick a date that isn’t the weekend before at least.

I'd assume that friend had planned a wedding that worked for her and her fiancé. Getting married doesn't mean that you have any say over the timing of other people's weddings.

As others have said, no issue with you getting married first, but make sure there is a decent stretch of time (pref 2 months at least) between your wedding and hers so there is no clash over prep, and it’s not a lot of the same guests going to two weddings very close together.

The only consideration is to make sure your wedding doesn't clash with her dates or isn't so close to it that one or both of you will struggle to enjoy each other's weddings while planning your own. Ditto take honeymoons and hen/stag dos into account.

Some people WOULD get upset, but honestly, those are weirdos. A good friend of mine got married the week after me as we got married in our home country, it was great as we were all there already.

We were in this situation, my friend and her partner got engaged and planned the wedding for 2 years away. Dh proposed and we booked our wedding for 5 months later making our wedding 10 weeks beforehand hers and she was livid! Our weddings were so different, here was huge and expensive and ours was a small family wedding, so nothing like each other bus she wasn’t happy we had ‘stolen her moment’. She got over it!

My brother got married 5 months after us at the exact same hotel. I was pretty miffed that they had picked the same hotel when there are hundreds of other hotels but also flattered that they enjoyed our wedding so much that they picked the same place.

Do you share the same friends? I wouldn’t be worried by any of my friends doing that as we don’t share the same friendships circles but I think I could imagine some people not liking it if it’s all the same people going but to be honest for the last few years I’ve had several weddings each summer just because my friends are all at the stage where they’re getting married so it’s not unusual to be at a few weddings in a summer

You're obviously very close, can't you talk to her about it?

Otherwise pick a date that means something to you (anniversary of your first date for example) and then it's easier to explain.

I’d be fine with it but I was you and the friends we technically pipped to the post we’re pretty narked and the bride didn’t stop banging on about their wedding including trying to dominate the night before ours when a few of us got together for a drink. Their engagement was twice as long as the time they’d been together before hand and we didn’t want to wait more than a few months between deciding and having the wedding so it couldn’t be helped. They were completely different types of weddings but a large cross over of guests. They were still paying theirs off when he filed for divorce...

This happened to cousins of mine. One was engaged for well over a year, planned for Dec. His brother came along, got engaged in Feb and arranged it for the Nov. They had different venues but the wedding style was similar. I did think it was inappropriate. Plus the cost for my auntie and uncle.
There was issues with the same guests arranging time off work for both weekends, giving and affording different outfits and gifts. There was the timing of hen/stag do's as family was going to both. Affording both stag do's.

Why don't you broach the subject with her, ask for her honest opinion? You might be surprised.
She may not be bothered especially if the style and colour scheme etc of the wedding is different.
But then if you share friends, you have to think about cost for you and them, could they gets dates off for both? Clashing of hen and stag parties, honeymoon.

Try for 3-4 months before, 6 weeks is too close. Other than that, no problem.

I would not want to be one of your mutual friends, trying to balance both of you in the run up to your weddings! If this is what you want to do, why don't you get together with the other bride and plan a joint hen do, etc.

I'll be honest and say, I've been engaged for a while, and have just started planning my wedding, for 18 months time. If one of my close friends was to get engaged and planned their wedding before mine happens, I wouldn't be as involved as I would otherwise have been, and would be a bit annoyed, although I'm non-confrontational so wouldn't make my feelings known.

It wouldn’t bother me so long as there was a decent gap between the weddings (at least a month).
I got engaged first, but my friend ended up getting married before me. She got married in May and my wedding was October. We were both in each other’s wedding party and both had lovely, happy weddings.

So if she’s planning on summer 2021 then you could have spring or autumn or even winter 2020.

Why would you be annoyed CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt? You can’t book time out or bagsy a year.

What sort of preparation does anyone need? Surely a wedding is one day?

I think within 6 weeks of hers is a bit unfair - if it was 2/3 months before it wouldn't bother me though