To get married first?

[oldbeforem]

I recently got engaged and am starting to think about dates / planning.

A good friend (I am her bridesmaid and she will be mine) got engaged last November and is getting married next summer.

We don't want to wait until after their wedding to get married as it's a long wait - however would you be annoyed if your good friend got engaged after you and got married before?

And what if their wedding ended up being s month / 6 weeks before?

@daisyjgrey why is it twattish?

The venue we want is available 6 weeks before, not 6 weeks after.

So we should go with a venue we are less keen on? Because...?

If you're engaged, no one else can get married in the lead up to your wedding because all the attention must be on you?

We are both in our 30's, so I am hoping neither of us are that childish / self obsessed.

This is exactly like my brother and I who got married 8 weeks apart! We lived abroad so had to fly 'home' for our wedding and fit time around work commitments in the UK. The date was mainly down to venue availability, and the fact I'd dated 9yrs and wanted to TTC asap. I did check with brother/SIL before booking though.

We had no mutual friends and hens were separate. I did feel for family though that had 2 weddings so close together. SIL and I went to wedding fayres together, and helped each other with minor aspects which was nice.

As others have said, I'd mention dates to her and see what she says. Ideally I'd leave it 2mths as a minimum though.

I was a wee bit pissed off when a friend fixed her wedding for the weekend before mine. Obviously you can't expect to monopolise a whole calendar, but being away for the weekend before my own wedding made the following week a bit of a mad rush.

Only an issue if you are having the same stuff as her (e.g. venue, menu, colours) and want to get in first so that it looks like she copied you. Otherwise, crack on.

We don't want to wait until after their wedding to get married as it's a long wait

It can't be that long if you're happy to wait until 6 weeks before it. Is the venue really not free at all the rest of that entire year? Where are you getting married? The Plaza?

We are both in our 30's, so I am hoping neither of us are that childish / self obsessed.

So why ask opinions? Just talk to her if you don't think she's going to be childish about it. Good lord.

I agree with others and wouldnt mind at all.
I would, though, mention it to your friend first to make sure your dates don't clash.

Blimey, some bridezillas are VERY weird!
Unless you have your wedding reception in the same hotel on the same day, HOW Is it remotely stealing anyone's thunder to get married any other day??

I guess if you have an extravaganza a few days before with the same guests, the other wedding on a smaller scale might look a bit meh, but in real life, that rarely happens does it?

6 WEEKS to close to someone's wedding? How is that too close?

Yes, you need to book things in advance, but really no need to let what's just a party take over your life.

Good luck OP, if your friend is a bridezilla, you're screwed. If she is normal, you'll be fine.

@daisyjgrey

I asked opinions. Not to be called twattish by a random internet troll with no useful comment as to why you think it's 'twattish'.

I don't know why it's not available the rest of the year, I guess it's a popular venue.

Tell mutual friends to wear the same if they want.
Try to avoid her hen do.
Don't discuss weddings so you can't be seen to steal her ideas.

being away for the weekend before my own wedding made the following week a bit of a mad rush

Why?

Everything that needs to be booked is booked by then. It's too early for your hair/ make up appointments if you have one. There's nothing left to do the weekend before the wedding?

If it's not the same venue then I wouldn't worry.

Speak to her.

I’m perplexed as to why this is ever a problem. It’s a wedding - I don’t know why it causes so much drama. I wish people would just go to a registry office and skip all the absurd expense and hand wringing.

Have your wedding when you want it. She doesn’t own time.

some posters have been deeply offended at the idea that someone would not buy a brand new outfit for their wedding. You can't assume anything, some people are very weird about weddings!

@JustInCaseCakeHappens People are weird about weddings. So weird.

But it's a minority of oddballs and I'm not sure it's worth worrying about offending them. Not least because it's impossible not to. If you aren't getting married in the same decade as them, then you'll be wearing the wrong thing, or something else.

She might be, but that's the risk she took in waiting a long time between getting engaged and married. Just avoid booking something too close to when she's getting married.

People are weird about weddings @disaster
Thus is because weddings come with so many expectations automagically. Friends, parents, families etc all have them.

Without knowing how the other bride would feel, it's hard to tell. With that in mins I'd er on the side of caution.
She might even go ya no problem, then later reflect on it.

My cousin booked her wedding the week before mine, 7 months before it. I was gutted, her entire family cancelled all the rooms booked at my wedding and didn't come as they didn't want to do 2 weekends in a row. A week is close, but the feelings still apply.

Weddings can bring out the ugly in people. I've learned the hard way! So again, er on the side of caution

Sorry!!! So many auto correct problems going on in my post! Sorry... it's still sort of legible.

OP, if your venue is only available that weekend, there's no point in asking her if she thinks it is too close, because you don't have any options about moving your date anyway - it's out of your hands really.

If you can come to an arrangement about hen dos that might be considerate, if you think she'll be pissed off (which I'm guessing you do, and that's why you posted?). Trust her to have planned two, just to make things complicated I hope you manage to sort things out!

Expecting nobody else to get married during that long engagement is, in my opinion, ridiculous and self-absorbed.

@OchonAgusOchonO

I think you misunderstood what I was saying, I didn't mention anything about expecting people not to get married during my engagement? I didn't know when our wedding would be until last week, so how could anyone else avoid it? Ah well.

I think 6 weeks is quite close together. I'd discuss it with her.
Would holding off 3-4 months not be an option ?

@Blackbear19 it could be!

I guess I just don't want to wait over a year to get married just because someone else is. And my boyfriend is also quite against planning our wedding around other people!

Let's pray your friend is not a bridezilla, but the normal way to go about it would be to
book the weddingS
and organise hens etc. around them.

That's what you'd do with close friends or siblings.

I would be annoyed if a month before if you'll have the same guests but 3 months or sooner before is fine as long as nothing clashes dates wise so hen party, honeymoon etc

I don't think 6 weeks is too bad - I had this issue with a friend's wedding, we booked ours 7 or 8 weeks before hers at very short notice. I did check with her first though and she was fine with it!

It probably helped that all our mutual guests lived within an hour of both our wedding venues so it wasn't too much hassle for them with regards to travel etc.