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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cuddle my 2 year old DC to sleep at night?

106 replies

ComeOnEileen11 · 10/03/2020 20:09

Or to at least sit with them til they fall asleep...
I know that I should be working on putting them in bed, saying goodnight and leaving them to fall asleep.
I BF DC to sleep until 15 months then moved to cuddling them. They're now 2 and settle with either me or DH sat by the bed, sometimes with a hand resting on them or being cuddled to sleep.
DC is a very affectionate and cuddly child and often climbs onto me for cuddles throughout the day and loves to snuggle up.
Still will nap in bed/the car/the pushchair etc though so it's not exclusively being cuddled.
Complicating factor is that we have a baby on the way so DC1 has a sibling arriving shortly.
I do love our snuggles though. If DC1 wakes at night (rarely - if poorly or teething) I will try a good long while to settle them back in bed before snuggling them in my bed.
Am I being unreasonable?
I mean, they won't want this as they get older. DH doesn't object. My sister did the same and get DC settle nicely on their own now and have from about 3 years old. DM and MIL disapprove.

OP posts:

EmiliaAirheart · 10/03/2020 20:14

Who cares what your mother and mother in law think. If you and your child enjoy it, that’s all that matters.

sleepymummy2019 · 10/03/2020 20:14

Why should you be working on that? If you’re fine with it then that’s all that matters 🙂 2 is still very young

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/03/2020 20:14

As long as it works for you then continue. Personally wouldn’t work for me, I need my evening and can’t spend ages in their room whilst they nod off. Also very rarely has worked bringing them into our bed when ill etc, they become more restless, my husband or I tend to sleep in their room. My LO comes into our bed in the morning though, and we snuggle before bed time. Whatever works for everyone.
I imagine those voicing concerns just think you are making a rod for your own back- they could be right, they could be wrong- won’t know until you try giving it up.

Thedogscollar · 10/03/2020 20:14

Keep doing what you have always done it makes your child feel safe, loved and secure. They have no comprehension of manipulation at this age. If you change your routine now then it will only cause upset for both of you. You sound like a lovely Mum just keep those cuddles coming.

onionface · 10/03/2020 20:16

I know that I should be working on putting them in bed, saying goodnight and leaving them to fall asleep.

Why? If you're happy with it and they're happy with it then carry on. It only becomes a problem if you don't want to do it. Enjoy it and ignore the disapproving comments.

FlapAttack23 · 10/03/2020 20:16

Yeah they can shove their disapproval up their arses
I did that with my son and he has now transitioned to falling asleep alone on top bunk aged 5 while I still cuddle his 2yo brother on bottom bunk
Naturally moved to that when he wanted his own space more but still wanted me in room

Lolalovesmarmite · 10/03/2020 20:17

I cuddle my 2 year old to sleep and weaned at 21 months. If it works for you then ignore what anyone else says. My daughter is happy, confident and affectionate and I wouldn’t dream of ever leaving her to cry at night. I suspect you may have the same issue as me though, with number two on the way I have no idea how I’m going to manage bedtimes when they arrive.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/03/2020 20:17

They have no comprehension of manipulation at this age haha...are you serious? Should see mine fake cry for peppa pig !

Sosososotired · 10/03/2020 20:18

I still bf my 2 year old to sleep. I’m happy, he’s happy, so we carry on. Enjoy it while it lasts, and who cares if mil and dm don’t like it, it’s none of their business.

Lifesabeach86 · 10/03/2020 20:19

Still cuddle my nearly 5 year old and 7 year old to sleep each night. I'll start to worry if they still expect me to when they are 16! The days are long but the years are short - cuddle while you can.

Wearywithteens · 10/03/2020 20:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Pearl97 · 10/03/2020 20:20

I cuddle my 7 year old and will miss it so much when I don’t!

MamaFlintstone · 10/03/2020 20:21

If it works for you it works. You don’t have to stop until it no longer does.

BurningGubbins · 10/03/2020 20:21

My parenting approach is: it’s not a problem until it becomes a problem (for you!), and if it becomes a problem, change it. You are never going to be lying on your deathbed wishing you cuddled your children less.

iMoan7 · 10/03/2020 20:21

Lol yeah we did that with our first.

At the grand age of five years old, only since Christmas has she been willing and able to put herself to sleep. I have spent the last four years lying on her bed till 11pm every night.

Needless to say my two year old puts herself to sleep. No way am I going back to that. My mental health couldn’t take it

feministmyarse · 10/03/2020 20:21

If it works for you then do it. I couldn't do it as I wouldn't want my children to expect it every night and then have issues not going to sleep unless I'm with them. Luckily mine have always dozed off on their own.

ludothedog · 10/03/2020 20:21

Do what you want but.......

Friend was still doing this for her 6 year old, which was fine until she ended up in the hospital and he ended up having to stay with me for a week. He was hard work. I was exhausted at the end of the week and he was so distressed. Being able to self sooth is a great skill.

Anxietyandwine · 10/03/2020 20:21

They are happy and you are happy. Cuddle them while they want it!

MysteryFrog · 10/03/2020 20:21

I still cuddle my eldest to sleep some nights and he’ll be 8 next week

LulusMiniEgg · 10/03/2020 20:22

I still lie with my 5 and 3 year old! Slightly difficult if I’m on my own with them but then we all just snuggle on sofa or in our bed together. I know it won’t be forever and it’s then that they talk to me properly and tell me what’s on their minds. I love it.

Karwomannghia · 10/03/2020 20:22

Here cuddling my 3.5 yo. It’s the best way imo.

Namechangexyz1 · 10/03/2020 20:23

It is fine

The only thing I would say is that you have a baby on the way.

You might literally not be able to do it when baby arrives. So that would be the only reason I'd work on cutting back so it isnt suddenly cut off as a shock

MamaFlintstone · 10/03/2020 20:23

It’s the best way if your child falls asleep that way. Mine does not. It’s not the best way for us.

Karwomannghia · 10/03/2020 20:24

Saying that when I had 2 close together one of whom couldn’t cuddle gently (but roughly breastfed) it was much more difficult and I did have to structure things more.

oblada · 10/03/2020 20:25

Who cares what others think? I breastfeed and then cuddle my nearly 3yrs old to sleep and when he wakes up at night he comes into bed with us. He's sleeping through more and more. I did that with my older girls too until they were about 3yrs old approx each time (as this is the age gap between my children) and they are great children. The girls are 8yrs old and soon 5.5yrs old and they take themselves to bed, read a book and fall asleep whilst I deal with their brother.

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