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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cuddle my 2 year old DC to sleep at night?

106 replies

ComeOnEileen11 · 10/03/2020 20:09

Or to at least sit with them til they fall asleep...
I know that I should be working on putting them in bed, saying goodnight and leaving them to fall asleep.
I BF DC to sleep until 15 months then moved to cuddling them. They're now 2 and settle with either me or DH sat by the bed, sometimes with a hand resting on them or being cuddled to sleep.
DC is a very affectionate and cuddly child and often climbs onto me for cuddles throughout the day and loves to snuggle up.
Still will nap in bed/the car/the pushchair etc though so it's not exclusively being cuddled.
Complicating factor is that we have a baby on the way so DC1 has a sibling arriving shortly.
I do love our snuggles though. If DC1 wakes at night (rarely - if poorly or teething) I will try a good long while to settle them back in bed before snuggling them in my bed.
Am I being unreasonable?
I mean, they won't want this as they get older. DH doesn't object. My sister did the same and get DC settle nicely on their own now and have from about 3 years old. DM and MIL disapprove.

OP posts:
Dontforgetyourbrolly · 10/03/2020 20:25

My ds self settled and went to bed in his own room from age 1. Story, kiss and good night. So far so good.
From aged 4 hes started sneaking in with me most nights....hes 6 now and its still going on. You can't win with kids !

Karwomannghia · 10/03/2020 20:26

@MamaFlintstone cross post. Completely agree. Currently the best way but out of the question in the past!

MissRabbitNeedsAHoliday · 10/03/2020 20:28

I do this with my 2 year old too. They are only little for a small while and enjoy it. Luckily she falls asleep easily so it only takes up around 30 mins of the evening but after a day at work I enjoy spending time with her!

coffeeandpyjamas · 10/03/2020 20:28

Don’t listen to your DM or MIL. If it works for you keep doing it. When the new baby comes you will adapt to a new routine. Enjoy your cuddles for however long you want/need to.

I cuddle my DS to sleep every night and he’s almost 3. I love it!

namechangetheworld · 10/03/2020 20:29

DH or I cuddled DD1 to sleep until she was about 3.5.

We had to stop once DD2 came along (who simply gets chucked in her cot at night, the poor deprived child) but had absolutely no problems getting her to self settle in her own bed once needed.

SimonJT · 10/03/2020 20:29

I cuddle my four year old to sleep, when he wakes up in the night he gets in my bed.

Do what works for you, not what works for other people.

namechangetheworld · 10/03/2020 20:30

Oh, and my DM was awfully disapproving too Hmm

Elizadoeslittle19 · 10/03/2020 20:30

I still sit with my 4 yro whilst he nods off but to be honest it is usually only for 15 minutes or so maximum so it doesn't bother me. I would much rather spend those quiet 15 minutes than hours up and down to him.
I did it with my eldest too and he now falls asleep by himself he's 6.
If it works for you who cares what anyone else thinks. Enjoy your bedtime cuddles !

ElspethFlashman · 10/03/2020 20:30

I was all about doing this until I just started to desperately need my evenings back. Also, I started to suspect she was viewing it as "fun Mummy cuddle time" rather than "go to sleep" time. She really liked having Mummy's attention and was taking longer and longer to go to sleep and started getting giddy and wanting to play.

So after 2, we just decided enough! We did a lot of silent in and outs. Cracked it after a hard week and her sleep started to become a lot healthier.

So my take on it is that it's fine if they actually go to sleep quickly. But if it's just prolonging their dropping off to sleep, then it's not doing them any favours and needs to stop.

It also needs to stop if the Mums mental health is affected or if it's really affecting the relationship between mum and Dad cos they don't spend evenings together anymore cos Mum spends 365 evenings a year in a child's bed.

Bodule · 10/03/2020 20:33

You are not remotely BU - but it wouldn't have worked for me, and I didn't do it.

I was a SAHM for years, and essentially needed all my DC to be in bed (unless ill or otherwise in need) so I could have a couple of hours in the evening to recharge, before they/we were up again at 6.30AM. I felt that if they had had 12-13 hours every single day completely devoted to them, we all needed a break at night time.

But I realise I am, now, of a different generation (mine are 15-18) and accept that things might be more blurred now.

AwdBovril · 10/03/2020 20:34

Unless your DM & MIL are offering to do bedtime every night, including all wakeups because of not settling properly, it's none of their business.

AngryFeminist · 10/03/2020 20:34

Love snuggling my 3.7 year old to sleep. Absolutely my favourite part of the day - if it's not eating up your entire night and is making everyone happy then fuck the disapproval (my mum is convinced he'll be in our bed til he's 18 but something tell me this won't be the case)

Cheekypizzapie · 10/03/2020 20:34

No it’s entirely up to you what you do and I think your mil is being unreasonable commenting.

It wouldn’t work for me as I work and need to get on with stuff at night so I will leave my dc around the same age to cry for up to ten minutes at a time before checking in on her but I’ve been sleep training since I went back to work last yr so on the whole she is happy to go to sleep on her own I just say goodnight, turn the night light on and leave her...usually she is out for the count or will have a little chat for five or ten minutes to herself before drifting off.

She hates sleeping in our bed but does like snuggles in the morning when she has her milk in our bed and watches a bit of tv with us.

They are all different so u just need to do what works for u!

Yellredder · 10/03/2020 20:36

I cuddle my 8 year old to sleep - will be so sad when she wants this to stop.

zeddybrek · 10/03/2020 20:38

I do the same as you and love the cuddles. It won't be long before they are happy to sleep by themselves. DS is 5 and goes to bed by himself happily and he was cuddled to sleep until recently. Cherish the tiny hugs, I miss watching him go to sleep. Ignore everyone else. Do what makes you and your children happy.

Fleamaker123 · 10/03/2020 20:42

I think this is quite common. Most parents I've spoken to over the years say they lie down next to their children at bedtime, cuddle them, sit next to bed, even climb in cot Grin
I used to snuggle with both of mine at bedtime until they drifted off to sleep, not a problem for me, I really didn't mind. They eventually grew out of it, it's not forever.
You sound a lovely mum, and she's only 2. Enjoy the little years, they're special.

I8toys · 10/03/2020 20:56

Did it with my 2. They are now 14 and 16. So miss it.

Brokenchair1 · 10/03/2020 21:11

Wow. I still do this with my 7 year old. I can't imagine not cuddling her to sleep if that's what she needs. Why would it not be ok for a tiny 2 year old.

I sometimes think Western cultures have some very strange ideas on childrearing and this whole ethos of thinking children should self settle, self soothe, sleep on their own from 6 months etc. My personal opinion is that it's not good for children although I admit I was an attachment parent so probably biased!

IndecentFeminist · 10/03/2020 21:13

My 2.5 yr old is still cuddled to sleep for naps and bedtime. And when he wakes in the night he comes to find us in bed, having coslept until recently.

The older two were too, but at 9 and 7 now are perfectly good independent sleepers. 🤷

EeeyMacarena · 10/03/2020 21:15

If you’re happy and it works for you, why change it? My daughter is almost one and has recently decided she HATES being rocked/held to sleep.

SleightOfMind · 10/03/2020 21:26

DT1 (7) has been suddenly become frightened at night. DH and I take turns to stay in his room till he’s happily asleep.

Eldest dc is 19, youngest are 7yr-old twins.
DH and I both work ft (Both partly fh)

We’ve learned from bitter experience that the more secure you make them feel, the quicker this nonsense is over!

Bubblesbubblesmybubbles · 10/03/2020 21:27

Im in exactly the same situation as you, I'm doing a very gradual retreat with the aim that by the time DC2 is born i can sit in the room or even just hold hands with DC1 simply because i dont want everything to change all at once. I love cuddling DC1 to sleep and its been hard going but trying to do whats best longterm

indemMUND · 10/03/2020 21:52

They're only little for such a short time. If it works for you both then why not. Cherish it.

Original poster
ComeOnEileen11 · 10/03/2020 21:52

Reassuring, thank you everyone for your thoughts.

I do love that quiet time with him. It's always been my down time after work. I suppose I'm fortunate in that he's usually asleep by 7pm so it still leaves time for DH and recharging.

I think we will leave things more or less as they are, but move more towards the comforting in bed rather than him falling asleep on my lap, as then I can feed the baby etc if it cluster feeds in the evening like DC 1 did. Alternatively, DH can do bedtime for DC1 as DC is quite happy with that.

A pp raised the point about her DC speaking their mind with her when they're snuggled up. I'm always thinking how I want then to be able to come to me with anything or to say anything, so this is a great help in going towards that I think.

OP posts:
Bodule · 10/03/2020 22:07

DC speaking their mind with her when they're snuggled up

Wait until they're teenagers, OP. Then they have very important things to say at 11.30PM when you are on the verge of sleep and the very, very last thing you want to do is engage with the latest friendship crisis.