Wow! That’s some nerve she’s got!
Anyone familiar with my posts on this sort of subject or who can be bothered to AS me will know I am also a strong advocate of independence in young adults and I despair of parents who send their dc off to uni completely incapable of cooking a meal or doing a laundry.
BUT there’s a balance and it’s a gradual thing.
I’m old enough to have been of the generation that were among the last to fall under the old grant system, parents not being able to afford to supplement my income enough at that time is why I was unable to go to uni at 18.
Uk govts have pretty much always expected that parents will support under 21’s starting at uni that’s partly why that was and is the age for defining a “mature” student and mature students can apply for more help from the govt which is what I did.
My parents weren’t able to help massively but did visit and take me for meals and get me groceries and odd treats.
I remember one visit they arrived a bit earlier than expected (traffic was usually horrendous but this time was quite clear) and they came upon me doing a hatchet job trying to cut my pizza I’d cooked for my lunch with a paring knife. They were like “what ARE you doing have you no pizza wheel or even kitchen scissors?” And I was like “no couldn’t afford, a small sharp knife more versatile” so they picked me up some kitchen accessories that visit.
The next time I was a mature student I was a single parent in my 30’s and my mum still sent care packages and topped up my phone if I was stuck and she’d send treats for dd too.
I’m 47 now and she’ll still pick up a particular sweet or drink I like (I like old fashioned soda flavours which can be hard to find) but as times gone on I started doing it for her and dad too. They are in their 70’s now and have particular “retro” sweets, cakes and biscuits they like but aren’t easily available now and can also be quite pricey so if I spot them (housebound at mo but when I’m not) or they pop up on my usual online retailers as being on special offer I’ll order some to be delivered to them.
I did this for dad just last Christmas found an online vintage sweet store and ordered him a “gift pack” he loved it!
Dd moved out last year, she’s working but she works shifts and sometimes gets stuck for getting groceries or occasionally money gets a bit tight as she’s not on a massive wage and I help her out.
Such behaviours are just part of being a family - hell I do similar for my friends too!
As for “is op real?” I know AT LEAST 2 people who would behave exactly as pps dds friends mum did and feel zero shame for it! Nosey, interfering, bullies the pair of them! So that doesn’t actually surprise me at all. They walk among us unfortunately!
Actually thinking about it both sets of grandparents were the same with their dc dad was army and when we’d been up visiting we left with whole suitcases full of scottish food and drink! 😂😂 And of course sandwiches made with pan loaf and a couple flasks of home made soup. Before we had cars we’d travel by train (in the good old days of national rail! When you could easily get ONE train from Scotland to the south of england) and you could definitely play “spot the real Scot” on the train home as they’d be the ones with obviously Scots food like this 😂
Now they’ve passed the siblings have all taken over “being in charge of” various products either they all like or certain individuals like. Hard to explain without it being VERY outing.
Eg auntie A always gets X biscuits for all that sides siblings as she lives near a bakery that still makes them and they’re a reasonable price
Uncle B always gets Y sweets that uncle C and auntie D like as he works near a shop that still sells them.
Hope that makes sense!
And there’s no “you owe me £x for them biscuits” etc either as it all really evens out over time
It’s lovely they all think of each other. My dads side are all quite volatile and frequently “fall out” and go through spells of not talking to each other - but still deliver to each other’s houses various treats! It’s bonkers! But also sort of sweet.
@biddypop your family sounds very like my parents families. Both grans would do a “baking” at least once a week usually a Sunday because the oven was already heated from the roast so it was economical to do so. Our (my siblings eyes) would be wide at the sheer amount...then the uncles would descend and could quite easily scoff the lot AND take a load home if they were allowed and we’d realise each time that actually the grans knew exactly how much to bake. Neither had scales or measuring jugs either all done by sight/experience which still amazes me. There was also ALWAYS a pot of soup on the go on the stove (would be there for 3/4 days and never in the fridge yet it never made anyone ill) and always bacon and eggs in for butties. Another wide eyed moment was when I noticed one grans egg delivery from the milkman a half dozen “trays” so 6 x 12 eggs! But big family (my mums one of 6 and 3 were still at home at this point plus great grandparents were still alive so a household of 7 even then and that didn’t include us 5 visiting) eyes went even wider when she said she’d need another delivery that week (because of us being there) but now looking back that makes sense to me. Everyone had at least 1 egg in breakfast so that’s a dozen eggs while we were visiting right there!
“The petty side of me will be taking TWO bags of goodies next month including an Easter Egg” haha! As I say I’m 47 and my mum still gets me an advent calendar and an Easter egg
@ssd what a lovely memory of your mum that’s made me tear up! Sorry for your loss. I’m at an age friends are starting to lose their parents and as these are people I grew up with as De facto “aunties” I’m finding that hard enough I’m dreading losing my mum 😢
to all who’ve lost their mums.
I also remember one student was sent away with a suitcase full of clothes for arctic weather as her mother worried she’d be cold “up north” A it was the midlands not the north at all B it was a late summer and the poor girl was melting! She ended up buying some cheap t-shirts and leggings so she didn’t become a puddle 😂. When the mother visited she was very “oh they have WHSmiths up here” I think she was very sheltered and very south England centric in her thinking.
“If I visit I try to do a big supermarket shop of basics, as supermarket a distance from accommodation” Yep this is often an issue. When I was at uni the 2nd time I was fortunate enough to be able to run a cheap car plus I knew the area and where not only the supermarkets but the discount stores were and I used to do “a run” about once a fortnight where I’d give a few of the younger students a lift to stock up on groceries, stationery etc wasn’t always the same students either
“Is your family more middle class than your daughters's friends family?” I think the reverse is more likely. Ime it’s working class families who know what it’s like trying to manage a tight budget who understand how hard it can be for students who haven’t come from silver spoon backgrounds.
“my mum still sends me sachets of risotto from Aldi.” I’m sure the list of what various families consider “treats” would be quite interesting - and outing!
Re “slipping dc a few quid” both my parents would do this...and tell me not to tell the other parent! I was quids in then!
DuLang my dad being army used to send blue towel (great stuff far better and lasted longer than bought kitchen roll!) also paper, pens and even thermal underwear! ignoring the criminality here
His being army also meant he’d bring back loads of bizarre/unfamiliar items if he’d been deployed or stationed either overseas or at bases where eg there was a USA px because American troops there too, like the time he sent me a case of twinkies and a case of reeses cups he got cheap as they were close to sell by date - that made me very popular that month! The case of olives and stuffed vines from Greece not quite so much 😂 I like olives but they’re not exactly a student favourite!
“My mother used to send me the local paper every week” omg that’s reminded me! When my parents weren’t living in Scotland my gran used to send them the Sunday Post every week! Again pre internet days. First time I was at uni they’d save the “Francis gay” and “oor wullie” And “broons” pages for me - cause of much hilarity as non Scots students tried to read the cartoons 😂
“he'd purloined from cafes and service stations!” SO relieved I’m not the only one with a thieving father! 😂
@thefairycaravan yes! Very common for young recruits parents to do similar too, especially things like local papers or regional food and drink. LOTS of Yorkshire and scottish tea bags mailed to squaddies regularly.
Wow this has actually turned into a lovely nostalgic/warm hearted thread