To not attend DF's wedding to OW?

[mothtoaflame]

Huge backstory which I won't go in to unless absolutely necessary but...if your 65 year old Dad decided to marry the OW, despite having made your disapproval of the relationship quite clear, would you attend the wedding?

Age gap relationship with soon to be 'trophy wife', siblings and my inheritance unprotected. Everyone else on board except me. Don't know what to do....

No I wouldn't. I went to a wedding once which I thought was a really bad idea (I thought he was abusive - he was) and it was awful. Spending a day celebrating a union between people when you don't believe in it is actually really hard work. And it's lie. If you don't wish them every happiness, don't go.

No I bloody well wouldn't go. I would support my DM and not hurt her by attending.

“Trophy”? So, assuming you’re correct about her, it sounds as if he’s going to embarrass himself, and possibly get stitched up financially in future. Do you really want to witness it all?

I wouldn't, you're not cutting him off, so you're not making him pay forever, just not going to celebrate his union with the other woman. That's reasonable for all parties I think.

@mothtoaflame if your mum hadn't died then presumably half what other posters call your dad's money (as opposed to your inheritance) would have been your mum's!

So I do think you are right that your inheritance will go to her. If your dad is foolish enough to see this happen then I don't know what you can do. I wouldn't compromise your values by going to the wedding though.

I am single and everything I have is to go to my children and I would never be so cavalier as to marry as I'd see that as being their money that I was handing over to a stranger basically because of love, and that is not fair on them. My kids only teens but my feelings won't change.

Nope. I had the same situation with my DF marrying OW when I was a teen. He begged me to go but there was no way I could go and help him celebrate a union which had caused so much devastation for my DM. In fact none of his family went, which OW still holds against us, as apparently my DF was miserable the entire day of the wedding because of it.

It would stick in my craw. I wouldn’t go. And I wouldn’t give a shit about his money either.

I honestly don't know, even though you have disapproved of her, do you now actually dislike his future wife? It can't hurt your mother now.

Regarding inheritance, I've known people who have remarried and they've made a will ensuring their children receive their due. Usually they are marrying someone who also has children and they do the same.

Honestly it's entirely up to you. I've never been in that position so no idea how I would feel.

yes I would go. I love my dad so I would go and be there to support him

Not a chance

"your" inheritance?! That's pretty entitled.

Yeah depends how recent it is. If it was fairly recent there’s no way I could do it... I would be fuming. If we are talking years and you want a relationship with your dad in the future then I’d probably go but not enjoy it.

I’d also judge their relationship...has he been with the ow for years and do u think they are genuinely in love? People do grow apart over the years...it happens. Or is it just some silly fling?

Presumably you inherited from your mum when she died, as they'd already split up by then.
Your dad's money is his. He's not even old yet. Both my mum and MILs money and house proceeds (both DF and FIL dead and left everything, as they should, to their wives) are all gone on care home fees, so no inheritance coming my way anyway.

Consider yourself fortunate to have inherited from one parent, and take the money out of the equation when deciding whether to go to the wedding.

I'm sorry about your mum. What does the ow think of you and your siblings? I'd go and be a princess. I'd have all her friends and family love me and I'd hope it would piss her off.

Consider yourself lucky to have a parent live long enough to have a chance if spending 'your inheritance'!

i did. my mum was still very much alive - happily single - and dad was dying of cancer that his new wife had been nursing him through. it was the right thing for us to do at the time. for him to die amidst a sense of harmony and acceptance still feels like the right thing (the hash he made of the will was his own doing).

Unless you have followed your mum and dad around everyday in their marriage then you have no idea what issues they may have had in their relationship or reasons for a split.

Its been 5 yrs, your mum is no longer here (and im sorry for that) but it just sounds like your rather bitter that your father is looking like he is about to have a fun new start to his life and possibly a spending spree, which you see as 'your inheritance'.

He is 65 so deserves to be happy for the rest of his days.

Go or dont go, but its a massive snub to your father.

Quite surprised by the number of comments clout how 'young' a 65 yo is, up to the extreme of:

He is only 65 so could live another 40 years before anyone inherits anything

Average life expectancy for men in the UK is 79. This is a late in life marriage. But it's true OP that now it will fall to his new wife to sort out his care when he needs it, which is probably what any inheritance would end up paying for anyway.

I think the op is not unreasonable to be upset about inheritance. I love my partner dearly, but would ensure my DCs inheritance was secure before marrying again. Smd he would his kids.

If my dad cheated on my mum and wanted to marry I wouldn't go but it would have nothing to do with money.
Dad's money is dad's money. It is not your inheritance. No one is entitled to anything they have not worked for. If your dad chooses to leave it to you that's his choice. If he chooses to spend it on holidays or whatever that is absolutely his choice.

Do you feel it would betray your Mum to go?

I think that if you want an ongoing relationship with your Dad not attending the wedding is a bit of a pointless gesture.

Nah, I wouldn’t attend his newest wedding ceremony. You know how much he means wedding vows, so the day would be a farce, fake smiling, welcoming his lover into the ‘family’ he broke. Ugh. His money will be going to his latest wife when he dies, so there’ll be no inheritance anyway.

@TheYearOfTheDog
Her parents were divorced before her mum died so the op has already inherited from her mum. She's just being greedy now.

You should only go if you can wish them well.
If you can't, it would be better to stay away.
I did not do to my dad's wedding to the OW for that reason.

If you go to the wedding it might be viewed as you condoning the relationship. My dad didnt even tell me he was getting married until after it was done. I walked out of the post wedding party as I felt like a hypocrite being there. It caused a huge rift and although we still speak it will never be the same. My sister cut him off and will never speak to him again. The funny thing is my SM wasnt the OW, but treated us appallingly and my dad did nothing. Very glad i had nothing to do with the wedding some 20 years later.